Hi Tano,

I enjoyed listening to this. The style and the arrangement have a really good, intimate feel about them. In my opinion, there's a great deal to like about this song. I also found myself really admiring the line "We've become a tangled knot that won't untie". That is such a great metaphor! I'm jealous

You asked for some critical comments ... (Please keep in mind that these are just my opinions; they may or may not be useful. Feel free to totally disregard them.)

To my way of thinking, the song could be streamlined a bit more. The song form is a variation on the standard AABA. This is good! It's a great form to work with and you've nailed the essence of it! To be honest, though, I was ready for the change in melody (the B-section) after "But leavin's in the air ... one to say goodbye". I don't know how much formal songwriting training you've had but one of the principles that many of the top songwriters keep in mind is a principle called "the rule of two". This principle simply says that "when you've done something twice, do something different". (The Beatles were great users of this principle.) I think that that's why the B-section in AABA is often called the "Release"; it goes somewhere different and offers listeners some variation, a bit of ear candy.

One way to help streamline a song is to reduce the word count. I do this all the time. Often my first draft of lyrics is closer to a novel than a song and what I do is to whittle away the words until I'm left with somewhere between 80 and 150 of the VERY BEST words that create the strongest sense-based journey for the listener. I've found that the lyric writing principle of "trying to say more with less" is well worth the agony of working out what stays and what goes.

Another thing that stood out to me was the metaphor "I don't wanna sign no long term leases". I really liked it lots as it produced some excellent images in my mind. From a whole-lyric perspective, though, the concept seems to be at odds with the hook of "I don't want to say goodbye" which tends to sound like "I wanna sign some long term leases". Maybe that's just me being an Aussie and all.

As I said above, these are just my thoughts; nothing more. Hopefully there will be some value in them.

All the best,
Noel

P.S. MOST IMPORTANT: Please keep in mind that I'm a closet songwriter and all my comments are worth only that much Also, if songwriting is something you do for personal pleasure, the only person who has to be happy with the song is you. At the end of the day, that's all that matters.