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I like this new song, and generally the arrangement, but I would really like any critical comments on how to improve it, esp the arrangement..thanks in advance! I Don't Wanna (Have to Be the One to Say Good-Bye) http://soundcloud.com/tanomusic/i-dont-wanna-have-to-be-theStyle = Ashanti1 Lyric: I Don't Wanna (Have to be the One to Say Good-bye) I don't wanna share tomorrow I don't wanna bear another sorrow I don't wanna say "It's over..", but I can't lie; (It's over baby..) Maybe we should find a reason Maybe you could say that I'm not pleasin'; But leavin's in the air, and leavin' makes me cry; And I don't wanna have to be the one to say Good-bye. Yesterday our love was speeding; Didn't think it would be needing feeding So we stood and watched it fade before our eyes (It's over baby..) Guess we better talk about it; Guess we're gonna have to live without it; We've become a tangled knot that won't untie; And I don't wanna have to be the one to say Good-bye Do we have to keep pretending? Mustn't be afraid of ending it? Isn't any hope of mending it; So let's stop here, Without a tear. I don't wanna pick up pieces I don't wanna sign no long-term leases Time to let it go, we've passed the time to try; (It's over baby..) Tell me that you understand me, Tell me can fall apart and land free; Tell me what you want, just look me in the eye; Cause I don't wanna have to be the one to say Good-bye I don't wanna have to be the one to say Good-bye I don't wanna have to be the one to say Good-bye (Break) Do we have to keep defending it; So let's stop here, I can't take tears. I don't wanna start explaining Nevermind the smiles, inside it's raining; I see it in your eyes, your heart, your hands, your sighs; (It's raining, baby..) You've been there before to cheer me; Long ago you swore to hold and hear me; Now everything is done, just help me one last time; Cause I don't wanna have to be the one to say Good-bye I don't wanna have to be the one to say Good-bye I don't wanna have to be the one to say Good-bye
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Hi Tano, I enjoyed listening to this. The style and the arrangement have a really good, intimate feel about them. In my opinion, there's a great deal to like about this song. I also found myself really admiring the line "We've become a tangled knot that won't untie". That is such a great metaphor! I'm jealous  You asked for some critical comments ... (Please keep in mind that these are just my opinions; they may or may not be useful. Feel free to totally disregard them.) To my way of thinking, the song could be streamlined a bit more. The song form is a variation on the standard AABA. This is good! It's a great form to work with and you've nailed the essence of it! To be honest, though, I was ready for the change in melody (the B-section) after "But leavin's in the air ... one to say goodbye". I don't know how much formal songwriting training you've had but one of the principles that many of the top songwriters keep in mind is a principle called "the rule of two". This principle simply says that "when you've done something twice, do something different". (The Beatles were great users of this principle.) I think that that's why the B-section in AABA is often called the "Release"; it goes somewhere different and offers listeners some variation, a bit of ear candy. One way to help streamline a song is to reduce the word count. I do this all the time. Often my first draft of lyrics is closer to a novel than a song and what I do is to whittle away the words until I'm left with somewhere between 80 and 150 of the VERY BEST words that create the strongest sense-based journey for the listener. I've found that the lyric writing principle of "trying to say more with less" is well worth the agony of working out what stays and what goes. Another thing that stood out to me was the metaphor "I don't wanna sign no long term leases". I really liked it lots as it produced some excellent images in my mind. From a whole-lyric perspective, though, the concept seems to be at odds with the hook of "I don't want to say goodbye" which tends to sound like "I wanna sign some long term leases". Maybe that's just me being an Aussie and all. As I said above, these are just my thoughts; nothing more. Hopefully there will be some value in them. All the best, Noel P.S. MOST IMPORTANT: Please keep in mind that I'm a closet songwriter and all my comments are worth only that much  Also, if songwriting is something you do for personal pleasure, the only person who has to be happy with the song is you. At the end of the day, that's all that matters.
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Thanks Noel...your comments are most helpful! I really appreciate the assists from folks more polished than I.
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Tano,
Although I'm just a songwriter hobbyist, in the spirit of collaboration, here's my two cents.
I liked your new song too, but like Noel I think it could be shorter. It's hard to hold the listeners ear much past 4:30 unless you have new elements being introduced. I think Noel had some great tips (which I'll write down in my notebook).
You asked for some input on the arrangement, how about an alto or tenor sax to fill in between the lyrics? Some Vibes or marimba fills might be interesting too.
Nice song with a sweet sensitive sentiment. Thanks for sharing.
SpaceDog
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I really like the story you tell in your lyrics.
Your delivery matches the music and your story line.
Very unusual music, but really enjoyed it.
Music is simple, good mix, with "I'd" say vocals just right levels
Thanks for sharing your work.
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Hi Tano,
This is a very good song and some good advice as already been given.
I will add that the length of the song did not bother me. In fact you have one of two paths you can take. If you are planing for the song to get airplay then yes it is too long but if you want to tell the complete story then it is fine as is.
What I was hearing as I listened was full orchestration, strings and brass, in sections of the song. Sections of the orchestra could be playing counter point lines in areas of the song also. This would keep the interest high through out the 5 minutes, IMHO. Again this is just my opinion.
However I do believe that this is a high quality song that just needs a little polish,
Whenever I get something stuck in the back of my throat, I dislodge it by drinking a beer.
It's called the Heineken Maneuver.
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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You want to know how to improve this particular recording? Don't touch it! (Okay, maybe it is a tad bit too long, but that is how the song goes.)
I love the bright music and equally bright vocals that are expressing such sad and dark thoughts. The contrast between music/vocals and lyrics is nothing short of artistic brilliance. If you could do a rougher vocal, you have a Tom Waits or Bob Dylan hit.
This is outstanding work. (Great use of BIAB too.)
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There's a lot of good things in the song, but I think there are a number of things that could improve it a bit. Keep in mind that this advice is probably not worth any more than you paid for it. My initial impression is that the song drags a bit. It's not a question of length - it just feels like some of the parts are on different beats than others. Perhaps pushing them forwards/back a bit might help. I don't really know how to pin it down more than that. I think some of the lyrics work against each other, where it sounds like the singer might be on the fence about things. So I'm suggesting the following rewrites to make the lyric unambiguous: Quote:
We don't even need to find a reason
You could simply say that I'm not pleasin';
Leavin's in the air, and though leavin' makes me cry;
Guess I'm gonna have to be the one to says Good-bye.
Yesterday our love was so strong;
Didn't think we'd ever have tell each other "so long"
Now we stand and watch it fade before our eyes
(It's faded baby..)
I don't wanna pick up pieces
We're not gonna get to sign no long-term leases
Time to let it go, we've passed the time to try;
(It's over baby..)
You've been there before to cheer me;
Long ago you swore to hold and hear me;
Now everything is done, just help me one last time;
Cause I'm the one who's gonna have to be say Good-bye
Guess I'm the one who's gonna have to be say Good-bye
Yes, I'm the one who's gonna have to be say Good-bye
As for the music, some random thoughts:
Although I like the idea behind the staggered part at 0:12, I don't think it works for the introduction. Instead, just use the intro riff (A-B-C-D) without the cadence and jump right into the song.
There's a bit of conflict between what the singers are singing and what the keyboard player is doing, and I think that's part of the "draggy" problem. I'd make the keyboard follow the singer.
I like the change up on the drums at 1:15.
What's the "boing" sound in the background at 3:59?
I agree that the song seems a bit long, but how you want to trim it is up to you. I don't think the instrumental adds anything to the song. I think you can drop a verse without doing any real damage to the song.
All in all, I think it's a good song.
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Love the tangled knot line. Tano, I agree with Noel and David. But I'm going to add that it seems to me you are trying to write something more heart wrenching like "Neither One Of Us Wants To Be The First To Say Goodbye" - (Gladys Knight & The Pips). Be careful about focusing on and adding too many cute and clever rhymes to your song lyrics. It can dilute the emotional punch.
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Thanks for all the comments!
Some of my own criticism...this was a "good idea" but, after 'several decades' of it rolling around in my mind, I could never really button it up; the result is the best I want for this right now, but it's really flawed...too long, too repetitive, the lyric is not consistent in thought, etc...all the positive critiques that were given here.
Maybe others have had this kind of thing too...an idea too good not to realize, but not good enough to get really rounded out.
Well, it will stay in my private reserve for now, maybe someday I'll refine it, using you-all's good ideas.
Thanks again.
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Tano, great vocal work! Mix wise sounded good, I would go along with the others on either doing some variation in the music or shorting the lyrics. If you are set on the lyrics i would strongly suggest maybe starting out with one or two instruments and then building up to bring the song to a close. Still a very well done piece, good luck with any future edits. Thanks for sharing! My Music ReverbnationMy Music Soundcloud
My TunesPsalm 57:7 My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.
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Tano, I still think this is a great song, with good potential, and should NOT be sidelined. I am also impressed at the graceful way you take criticism, and don't bristle and get defensive like some of us (sometimes guilty here as well). Don't know if you ever read my private message, but I was actually the first one to post a response to your song, and wonder if I am the only one to pick up the Michael Franks connection (sometimes I make connections that may be out of the mainstream -- electricians might recognize them as "shorts.")
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Thanks Brad...my easy way of taking criticism here has been formed by my many years of taking criticism from those (the one) closest to me!  You mentioned "private message"...I don't anything about that...what location are you talking about--where do I look?
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Tano:
Easy. At the top of any forum page are a series of options, the second of which is: "My Home & Settings." Of course, you have to be logged in first.
Click it, and you will see your options, and whatever private mail you have sent or received.
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Tano, Nice song. A lot of good advice has already been dispensed. You have a unique style of arranging. That's a good thing. You asked for critique, so here goes (free advice, so you get what you pay for! )... To me the keyboard is slightly out of sync with the other tracks at times. Not saying the patterns need to be perfect, but to my ears they need to be just a little better aligned in places. In my opinion (I'm sure others will disagree) the percussion is just a tad too bright for the mood of the song. I would take it down ever so slightly, and add just a touch of reverb to it (the percussion). But all in all, these opinions are very nit-picky, and totally subjective. Again, a very nice song, and nice arrangement. Thanks for sharing! Steve
Steve Young Music"In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else has thought of." - Robert Schumann
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Hi, Tano -
I enjoyed the song, but had a couple of niggles.
I agree with Steve that the electric keyboard seems to be a little off-beat.
When you start the verse, either you or the accompaniment is off-beat a little: it doesn't sound like you get into your groove until about the 2nd live of the verse. Line up the beat and it will sound great. Your vocal sound wonderful in the song, it just seems a little off the beat as each verse starts.
I hope that made sense. It's a great song, though.
John Laptop-HP Omen I7 Win11Pro 32GB 2x2TB, 1x4TB SSD Desktop-ASUS-I7 Win10Pro 32GB 2x1.5TB, 2x2TB, 1x4TB SATA BB2025/UMC404HD/Casios/Cakewalk/Reaper/Studio One/MixBus/Notion/Finale/Dorico/Noteworthy/NI/Halion/IK http://www.sus4chord.com
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