Hi Bob,

This is magnificent. What stood out to me most was the way you've used the minor key in this. It was excellent. In fact, everything about this is excellent - top to tail. My favourite lines were ...
    Gone are the summers
    Of sunlight and lovers

These lines really sit well in the mouth to sing. Brilliant stuff. It's got a good amount of what Pat Patterson calls "concealed alliteration". (Just like Gary Burr's refrain, "A Thousand Wild Horses, thunderin' behind me, hell bent on running me down" - found at this link)

All the best,
Noel