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http://www.reverbnation.com/kaynemusic/song/17278459-if-todayIF TODAY If today was my last day what would I do Would race fast cars or climb a mountain Would I go to work or meditate about my life Or simply spend the day holding hands with you If today was my last day what could I do Would I pace myself or run a marathon Would I try to do all the things I haven’t done Or simply spend the day holding hands with you If today was my last day on earth If I should never see you again Before I lay my head down for the long sleep (I would to breathe my breath with your kiss on my lips) I would spend my last day with you If today was my last day what would I do Would swim with sharks or smell a flower Would I parachute jump to complete my bucket list Or simply spend the day and watch the sunset with you On the day of my last day what you should do don’t you shed a tear please have a celebration invite all the ones I I’ve touched with my life and simply spend the day holding them close to you and simply spend the day holding me close to you copyright Kayne Music BMI 2013
Last edited by Elliott Kayne; 05/13/13 05:27 PM.
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Hi Elliott,
This is wonderful. There's a great deal to like about "If Today". I love the arrangement, the melody, the presentation. What stood out to me most of all, though, were the lyrics and the axxa rhyme scheme in the A-sections. As far rhyme schemes go, this is about as unstable as they come and I thought it was an absolutely perfect fit for the emotion you wanted to express in the song. I've tried axxa and have found it very difficult to make the rhyme scheme work but, in my opinion, you have shown how to do it magnificently!
Great stuff!
Noel
Last edited by Noel96; 05/14/13 11:44 AM.
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2024
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Hi Elliot,
what thoughtful lyrics.
Nice arrangement and presentation.
A pleasant listen.
Guenter
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That tune will definitely put you in a long contemplative mood.
Thanks for sharing!
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very interesting comment about the axxa rhyme scheme. I would like to say I did that on purpose, but frankly I have no idea what axxa is. I actually dreamed this song ... in it's entirety, woke up and wrote it. It was natural, organic, and simple.
Thanks for your comments and observations. I am going to look up axxa ... hahaha
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Thanks for the kind words
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Thanks for the kind words, and thanks for listening
By the, what do you think of Willy Nelson doing this song? Good fit? or not? I heard his voice in my head when I wrote it.
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Such a sweet sentiment and nice arrangement. Reminds me a bit of Cat Stevens - that's a compliment. 
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specific things I like about the song:
1) the concept of developing a love song as a rhetorical question
2) the chord pattern
3) the way you added instruments throughout the song without making it busy
Like Josie, I heard a bit of Cat Stevens in it too.
All in all, I thought it was a very original composition.
At first I thought I'd like to hear it develop into a more orchestrated conclusion; but the simplicity and sponteneity of the song really adds to the feeling that somebody with very little time left is sorting through his thoughts, speaking them out loud to the one he loves.
As the baby boomers get older and more of us face the same scenario as the person in the song, there may be enough group identification to make this song commercially viable.
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Hi Elliott, The rhyme scheme axxa means that the first and last lines rhyme and the two middle lines are non-rhyming. A variation of your rhyme scheme, where the middle two lines rhyme with each other (i.e. an abba rhyme scheme) is used in a Tennyson poem called "In Memorium". See the link below. http://www.poetrymagnumopus.com/index.php?showtopic=994If you read this poem out loud, you can feel the effect of the rhyme scheme. It doesn't settle and seems to create a sense of loss or longing or, as Bud and Janice have said, contemplation. Because of Tennyson's poem, the abba rhyme scheme is often called the "In Memorium Quatrain". All the best, Noel
Last edited by Noel96; 05/15/13 12:02 PM.
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Elliot,
Pat's comment were right on the mark. +1 to that.
A very tasteful production. As it progressed, I thought it was "begging for" some strings. You covered that nicely with the organ. The gut-string lead over the organ was quite enjoyable.
Writing songs in your dreams... man!.. wish I could figure out how to do that!!
floyd
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+1 on Pat's comments. I too, heard Cat Stevens in this one. I like it.
Steve
Steve Young Music"In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else has thought of." - Robert Schumann
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Very well done, lyrics are great and your vocal performance shines. Well produced work, thanks for sharing!
My TunesPsalm 57:7 My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.
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Yep, Cat, but that's good company, right?
Great song. The choral voices at the end worked well. It stopped a little abrubtly, but the whole thing is very catchy, draws you in.
Well done.
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Hi, Elliott !!
I liked everything about
this tune of yours !:))!
Maybe I liked your vocals best
as I think you have a very good voice !!:))
Cheers
Dani
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Wow thanks a lot for kind words of encouragement ...
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I remastered this song using Ozone Please listen and let me know your thoughts https://soundcloud.com/ekayne/if-today
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I remastered this song using OZONE https://soundcloud.com/ekayne/if-todayPlease let me know what you think of it.
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