The lyrics'd help.
You voice sounds just a little disembodied..IF you used the reverb that was on the parts within BIAb that might explain it.
Stream of Conscious lyrics aren't uncommon in good music.
I wasn't fussed on the solos.
I think your melody and the general lyric are pretty good.
That drum bit at the end could do with surgical removal.


Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe