Hi David.
My opinion is only my own preference and I am not saying how the song should be , and I am wrong more often than not.
I think the arrangement needs more light and shade to accentuate the chorus . The guitar sounds good in the chorus but is jarring in the first verse . Also only use the organ in the chorus and add a few more instruments in the chorus (strings maybe) to beef it up. Also some harmonies on "AND I'LL WATCH YOU BREATHE" would really emphasize what the song is about.
It is a really good song and of course , you have a gift with your voice.