Hey Forum Friends...I could use some feedback/critique on this new song. I'm pretty sure I can improve it, but not sure about mix, vocal style (I tried to use a 'whispering' voice), any other suggestions to improve it would be appreciated!

Story--I had this done, musically, for quite a while, at a loss for how to turn the 3-note melody motif into something that made sense. I sifted thru a lot of ideas, like "Mike Mc-Gee", "Fri-ca-see", "woe is me"--finally clicked onto "butterfly" which I liked...then had a heck of a time continuing with the 3-note scheme thru the lyric. I'm happy with how the lyric finally turned out.

BUTTERFLY

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Yellow-bright, black-and-white, skipping by;
On my hand, won't you land, don't be shy;
And for a moment you stay,
Then you just flutter away

Dip and dart, touch my heart, catch my eye;
Flash your style, make me smile, won't you try?

Soul ensnared in sadness,
Darkened inner sky;
And like a flash of sunlight
You happen to stop by.
Bright silvery shimmers, you touch me.

Soul darkened in sadness,
Saddened inner sky;
Then with a splash of sunlight
You come hovering by.
Time out for my sorrow,
Come back tomorrow,
Little star, say good-bye,
You can't stay, so off you fly,
Paint the sky--
Butterfly!
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Style is DEODAT1.STY (Deodat1 - Swing 16 Jazz-Pop-Funk)
Style MIDI Instruments are : Clean Electric Guit (28), Pad-Poly Synth (91),
RealTracks in song: 3111:Bass, Electric FunkSimpleAlex Ev16 110
RealTracks in song: ~1437:Piano, Electric, Rhythm JazzFunkGroovin Ev16 110
RealDrums [in Song:ChajchasShakerSw16: a: ChajchasShakerSw16b: ChajchasShakerSw16
Added: Midi Strings, E Piano, HiHat Hits, Held Bass
Added: RT1073:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm SmoothJazzCool Sw16 100