Hi dcuny,

I've just been reading through your comments to Josie and felt that, in the interests of balance, I should provide a different argument to a couple of your thoughts. I don't know why but I get the feeling that you enjoy a friendly debate That's why I have written the below. I don't usually enter into differences of opinion on forums but I applaud good, healthy debate! So I'm going to take a risk. I hope that I'm right in that you too like debates. If I am wrong, what I've written below might sound antagonistic or arrogant. If that is the case, please keep in mind that I did not write it with any intention of being either
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I'm not a huge fan of songs with too many rhymes - the kill the "naturalness" of the language. And you've got a chorus filled with -ide rhymes in the chorus. Of course, that's a personal preference. I don't think many here agree with me.


To my mind, rhymes are the single most important tool that a lyricist has to enhance the meaning of words through the development of lyric movement and this, in turn, adds an extra dimension to a lyric's emotional delivery. I like Josie's AAABB rhyme scheme (three perfect rhymes followed by a near-rhyme couplet). To my ears, it does its job of enhancing lyric content really well.

Let me explain what I mean.

The human mind likes balance and at the end of the first two lines, the rhymes are paired and this causes a feeling of completion (semi-completion is a better term because other factors, that I'll mention a little later, are also in play). A point of rhyme-balance is created. Josie then sets us up with her lyrics to repeat the process but this time she surprises us. Instead of rhyming the 3rd line with the 4th line, Josie introduces a line that doesn't rhyme. This draws attention to the line and causes the listener to re-focus (just in case s/he's feeling comfortable with predictability). In essence, the 4th non-rhyming line creates instability and this adds emotional momentum to the lyric. It keeps the lyric moving and keeps the listener's attention by using the unexpected. The problem, though, is that the verse needs to feel complete for it to end. At the moment, at the end of the 4th phrase, the verse cannot end with a sense of fulfillment. Completion requires rhyme. Josie solves this by adding another "B" line. The really clever part, though, is that the added rhyme is not a perfect rhyme. The assonance rhyme of frayed/grace is a skilled lyrical move. Near rhyme gives a sense of completion but not an absolute, "locked-in" sense of fulfillment. It still leaves the listener hanging a little. To my mind, this assonance rhyme enhances the emotional content delivered by the "surprise" created by not rhyming lines 3 and 4. Josie delivers all this in a 5-phrase stanza. Using an odd number of phrases also adds to the unbalanced nature of the verse. For me, the lyric content serves the format of the lyric structure very well. In this sense, I see it as excellent prosody. Also, using "provide" as an intransitive verb in its future tense is, to my ears, a masterstroke; yet another little kick of instability is given to listeners and it does its bit to enhance lyric content even further. For me, this lyric radiated with emotion because of the way it moves. (I always read lyrics aloud so that I can feel their impact on my senses.) I believe that any change to Josie's lyric structure would weaken it significantly.

Josie then sets out on the journey again in verse two and skillfully delivers another emotional roller-coaster ride: complete with "come" being used intransitively in the parallel 3rd phrase! By the end of the song, I feel satisfied that my journey through the song has been worthwhile.

As a contrast, had the verse been AAABBB in structure, it would have felt balanced and, for me, this would have weakened the reflective, emotional nature of the lyrics significantly. By the end of the current first verse, I hear and feel lyrics that have delivered the thinking of a person who is questioning their beliefs and even their existence. To my way of thinking, Josie's work is incredibly well woven and is, in many ways, showcase lyric writing. Moreover, it delivered me into the chorus for a big payoff. I couldn't help but notice that the chorus is a nicely balanced four sturdy lines of AAAA rhyme. This is a very stable, very solid rhyme scheme and is a perfect fit for the resolve that the singer anticipates. This difference between lyric instability in the verses and lyric stability in the chorus gave me a good feeling of contrast.

Josie's use of lyric meter also keeps us on the edge of our seats. Phrase 1 sets the pace and has a good, comfortable 4 feet to it (just like "Mary had a little lamb"). Phrase 2, though, only has 3 feet (like the second line of "Mary had a little lamb") and this keeps the lyric pushing forward into the next phrase. This second phrase, though, rhymes with phrase 1. Because it rhymes a little short of the mark, it is unbalanced and this is yet another tool for enhancing emotion. Phrase 3 is also 3 feet. A feeling of acceleration now sets in (remember the pace was set by the first phrase of 4 feet and we've now had 2 phrases of 3 feet). This feeling of increasing lyric speed is enhanced by rhyming phrase 3 with phrase 2. What a great place to set a lyric that requires a feeling of intensity and anguish! I think "Life can be unkind" is a great fit. Because of the setting, and the phrases before it, I heard this line as "things happen that I have no control over". The last two phrases now begin the process of lyric deceleration and focus attention on what is being said. They also set us up to feel an increased pace in the chorus.

Ok. Time for me to get off that soap box now! (Please keep in mind that these are just my thoughts.)

Some people write music because if feels and sounds right and some people write lyrics in exactly the same way. I, on the other hand, enjoy analyzing what makes good material work (both musically and lyrically). The internet is terrific for looking up songs and lyrics. I then take the lessons I've learned on-board and try to apply them in my own way to my music: sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I'm not. I follow the Pat Pattision school of lyric writing. In case you haven't heard his name before, Pat is Professor of Lyric Writing and Poetry at Berklee College of Music. Many regard him as one of the world's leading authorities on lyric writing. I hold him in high esteem and have been to a number of his weekend workshops. (That being said, though, I realize that I still have a long, long way to go when I look at some of the amazing lyrics that people have written over the years.) Pat's three books are my most valuable songwriting tools. They are starting to become tattered and torn from having been read and flicked through a million times.

Lastly, I must say that I wholeheartedly commend you on your comments. Your posts glow with professionalism. I found those comments that you made about my song ("How Do You Do It") a very valuable resource. The fact that you are prepared to take so much time to present your thoughts so clearly to those of us who are seeking critiques of our work is a tremendous asset to these forums. I can't speak for Josie, but I, personally, value all your input. Please do not stop

Best regards,
Noel

Last edited by Noel96; 11/05/10 08:03 PM.