The Mailman (composer: Aleck Rand)

Get back! — Don’t get next to me.
Go ‘way! — I’m bad news, you see.
Your wallet — Just wants to be set free.
Too late! — Now it belongs to me.

(Interlude) Well, boys and girls it ain’t the end of the world and I’ll tell you why.

I just — Want your nice green cash.
I won’t — Throw your wallet in the trash.
Not me — I’ll mail it back to you.
All your plastic and paper and license, too.

(Interlude) That’s why in my trade, they call me “The Mailman.”

My Pa — He was a flim-flam man.
I was his pupil and biggest fan.
Let me tell you ‘bout his greatest scam.
He did it to mean ol’ Sam.

(Interlude) Pa didn’t give a damn ‘cause Sam was a bad man.

Twelve whiskey bottles — Pa would use.
Eleven — He filled with rot-gut booze.
The kind of whiskey that you might use
To de-grease your workin’ shoes.

(Interlude) We’re talkin’ White Lightnin’, plus a little molasses for color.

The twelfth bottle — got the best bourbon.
At the front of the case, it was the only one.
Pa — offered Sam a couple o’ sips.
Pure heaven — curled across Sam’s lips.

(Interlude) Yes, you can always count on human greed.

Sam took — that case at half the bourbon price.
He thought — my Pa was bein’ real nice.
Paid up — without even thinkin’ twice.
Sam grinned — like the cat who ate the mice.

(Interlude) Now, let me show you how wicked my fingers really are.
Guitar solo

I don’t — use no distraction.
I have — never packed a gun.
No accomplice — to share my fun.
My fingers do the walkin’, so no need for one.

(Interlude) No lyric

I’ll lift — whatever you’ve got to bring.
You won’t — feel a single thing.
Don’t fear — ‘bout no identity theft.
Don’t look now — because I just left.

(Coda) But your wallet, your plastic, your pictures, your license will arrive shortly courtesy of the U.S. Mail.

(Sound of doorbell) Why, that didn’t take long.
Sweetwater Creation Station. BIAB 2018, Mixcraft 8 Pro Studio, Izotope Nektar 2, Ozone 8, KEYBOARDS: Kurzweil Artis 7, Crumar MOJO, Hammond XK-3, BASSES (fretted & fretless by Ibanez, LTD, Warwick. GUITARS by Guild, Gretsch, Ibanez, Eastwood (12 string)