|
|
|
|
#217348 - 10/07/13 07:59 PM
[User Showcase]
You'll Be Crying For My Love At Night
|
|
Registered: 08/14/11
Posts: 413
Loc: Montana, USA
Journeyman
Registered: 08/14/11
Posts: 413
Loc: Montana, USA
|
Here is a new song that I created with "BIAB 2013" I was in the Pat Pattison classes with Berkley. I used some lessons that I learned when taking this class. Making the song move forward, and telling a story. At the beginning I created a much shorter version and I liked it so much that I did a full rendition adding another 2 verses. Enjoy! You'll Be Crying For My Love At Night
_________________________
Music is an expression that is a universal language
|
|
Top
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
#217375 - 10/08/13 12:45 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: You'll Be Crying For My Love At Night
[Re: trapper456]
|
|
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
Veteran
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
|
Very well done, Vocal music production and lyrics. thanks for sharing! My Music
_________________________
My TunesPsalm 57:7 My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.
|
|
Top
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
#217388 - 10/08/13 07:41 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: You'll Be Crying For My Love At Night
[Re: trapper456]
|
|
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 5701
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Veteran
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 5701
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
|
Excellent song. Great job on the lyrics. Guitars had a very nice tone...
Scott
|
|
Top
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
#217393 - 10/08/13 08:09 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: You'll Be Crying For My Love At Night
[Re: trapper456]
|
|
Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
Expert
Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
|
Sounds good. My only complaint might be that it all seems like one big chorus. I can't tell (sonically) where the verses are and where the choruses are. Visually it is also too much -- I had to stop looking at it (ha, ha). You just need more variation between the verse and chorus. If a song lack dynamics it just goes on and on.
I think what you done is fine, just break it up better and add more dynamics.
|
|
Top
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
#217401 - 10/08/13 09:41 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: You'll Be Crying For My Love At Night
[Re: trapper456]
|
|
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 7617
Veteran
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 7617
|
ah yes.... I agree with Kemmrich. I had no idea where the verses ended and the choruses (were there any?) began.
Where you hit the SHORT GUITAR BREAK.... there should have been an easily identifiable verse and a chorus before it..... however, it sounded like perhaps 3 verses(?) and part of something else that sounded too much like everything else.
For the most part, country, rock, bluegrass, and many other genre's of music have certain structure to them. Verses and choruses for the most part that are easy to hear and you know without a doubt that you are in the chorus or the verse. I found myself constantly asking what part of the song is this?
In a song, the verses are one part of the song that tells the story as you mentioned, and moves the song along. This is done well by the writing you have here. However, there is an apparent lack of a chorus. The chorus needs to be easy to hear... the listener should know it just went to the chorus. The chorus needs a different melody, perhaps a different chord progression and the energy level and groove should be stronger, higher, and solid.
The hook/title of the song YOU'LL BE CRYING FOR MY LOVE AT NIGHT should be in the chorus and probably no place else in the song.... especially in the verses. It should slam the idea home.... and hook the listener with a memorable melody line.
It would be easier to comment and digest the lyrics in more detail if they were written out on a single page as opposed to viewing them one line at a time in the video.
I think you have a good idea here and with a bit of effort, mainly a rewrite of a solid, unique chorus, the song could be really well written. Boil the verses down to the best story line possible and cap them with a chorus with that hook and let it tie them all together.
It reminds me of Tom Petty in more than a few places.
This advice is given with respect for you and in what you have written and hopes that it is encouraging and useful to you.
Edited by Guitarhacker (10/08/13 09:44 AM)
_________________________
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.com Add nothing that adds nothing to the music. As the sword chooses the warrior, so too, the song chooses the writer.
|
|
Top
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
#217488 - 10/09/13 12:45 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: You'll Be Crying For My Love At Night
[Re: trapper456]
|
|
Registered: 08/14/11
Posts: 413
Loc: Montana, USA
Journeyman
Registered: 08/14/11
Posts: 413
Loc: Montana, USA
|
Guitarhacker
that is great advice. I am going to attempt a r-write
Kemmrich
thanks for the words I am going to try to re-write this. As mentioned I wrote this for the pat pattison lesson's. I did an You'll be crying for my love at night, Stable Verse, & Unstable Chorus I thought that this sounded pretty good. Here is what I came up with by adding another 2 verses and using the same chorus. I know that this is breaking the rules. It does not sound to bad though because of the repetition. That is only in my opinion though. I do really appreciate the feedback. I am just writing with experimentation in mind, that is why I am looking for feedback to increase the knowledge of my writing. In my years of education I know that classes can only teach you so much. You have to sort of take the bull by the horns and teach yourself if you want to become real good at it. So, that is what I am doing. so, Just so you can get the just of this song here are the full lyrics.
You'll be crying for my love at night
4 Bar Intro
1st verse
You know I loved you for so long
I found out you didn't really care at all
Where did our love go wrong?
You set my heart up for a fall
Chorus:
Now you’ll be crying for my love at night
Through the endless tears of all my pain
now why don't you just let me be?
You'll be crying for my love at night
You had to give me all this pain
Cause' it's another love that went so wrong
2nd verse
I have had all that I can take
I still love you in so many ways
This hurt goes on and on
And I ain’t gonna’ take no more
Chorus:
Now you’ll be crying for my love at night
Through the endless tears of all my pain
now why don't you just let me be?
You'll be crying for my love at night
You had to give me all this pain
Cause' it's another love that went so wrong
Solo 8 Bar solo
3rd Verse
These tears I cried are not in vain
I know I’ll find love again someday
The thought of you’s driving me insane
My love for you stops here today
Chorus:
Now you’ll be crying for my love at night
Through the endless tears of all my pain
now why don't you just let me be?
You'll be crying for my love at night
You had to give me all this pain
Cause' it's another love that went so wrong
Went so wrong, m, m, m, m, m, m, went so wrong, fade to ending
© Robert, A. Pidgeon 2013 all rights reserved
Scottt709
Thanks for your positive comments. I edited this in music creator 6. I added some effect to get the nice guitar sounds.
PgFantastic
and also thanks for your praise on this. I did the final production in my fostex vf08 digital recorder. I do all my songs this way.
Edited by trapper456 (10/09/13 12:47 AM)
Edit Reason: to change a word
_________________________
Music is an expression that is a universal language
|
|
Top
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
#217499 - 10/09/13 08:33 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: You'll Be Crying For My Love At Night
[Re: trapper456]
|
|
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 7617
Veteran
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 7617
|
The problem was not so much with the verses as it was with the "not well defined" chorus. With the verses, read them without the music and see if they make sense and tell the story. Don't assume anyone knows what you're talking about. In other words.... nothing cryptic that isn't explained. Keep the melody and groove/patterns the same in all the verses. Chorus: Now you’ll be crying for my love at night Through the endless tears of all my pain now why don't you just let me be? You'll be crying for my love at night You had to give me all this pain Cause' it's another love that went so wrong So, just by reading this and nothing else.... At first glance, the hook title is in the right place on Line 1..... however.... the 6 line chorus , I think, is wrong. Drop the last 2 lines and waa laa, you have the hook AGAIN in the RIGHT place..... at the end of the chorus.... Now you’ll be crying for my love at night Through the endless tears of all my pain now why don't you just let me be? You'll be crying for my love at night Since the first and last line are the hook line/title, the most important part of the rewriting is what you say in line 2 and 3 of the chorus.... in other words, you really only need to write TWO LINES.... 16 or so words..... how hard can that be? It needs to perhaps explain why she's going to be crying for your love..... either way, it should be the common theme that ties the story in the verses together..... that common thread. The other options include using the hook/title in only the first line OR the last line, and write 3 new lines.... using rhyme and meter to make it work. OR... move the hook to the end ...line 6 and write 4 new lines in the chorus. The chorus can be what ever you want it to be but, do follow the rules for placing the hook/title correctly in the chorus.... that was one thing that was throwing me off as I listened..... I heard the hook, and was expecting the end of the chorus and it kept going..... "what?" Think of the song as a 3 minute video, for which you are writing the score. Choose the words efficiently and effectively. Re-writing a song is generally harder than the original first write. Most songwriters make the mistake of thinking that what is essentially a good first draft is a finished song that exudes sheer brilliance. Only a small handful of writers were even close to that level. Lennon/McCartny being one example. Most of us really have to work to write good music. The secret to that is in the rewrite. So don't make the mistake of "falling in love" with your first drafts. Many of my songs are rewritten 6 to 8 times.... I actually do not count anymore. I simply know that it's what I need to do and get to work doing the rewrite. The only goal is the best possible song. This song: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12024980 I know for a fact, was rewritten and tweeked over 6 times.... at any given part of this song the listener knows exactly where they are. 2 verses tell the story and the pre-chorus sets up the huge chorus which delivers in a big way... providing musical climax and satisfaction..... Believe it or not, this song started with 3 or 4 verses and even had a bridge. With each rewrite, it was trimmed and this was the "end result" of the editing and trimming and looking at the song in an objective manner. This song is a co-write as well. Having a co-writer is one of the best and fastest ways to really learn how to write effectively. I hope this unsolicited advice is useful and helpful.
Edited by Guitarhacker (10/09/13 08:37 AM)
_________________________
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.com Add nothing that adds nothing to the music. As the sword chooses the warrior, so too, the song chooses the writer.
|
|
Top
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Band-in-a-Box® 2021 Russian for Windows is Here!
Мы хорошо потрудились и добавили 80 новых функций и изумительную коллекцию нового контента, включая 202 стиля RealTracks, новые стили RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, инструментальные этюды (Instrumental Studies), записи профессионального живого исполнения (Artist Performances), поставляемые в качестве бонуса отдельные инструменты RealDrums (RealDrums "Singles"), транскрипции стилей RealDrums, набор мультистилей MultiStyles PAK 1, набор экстра-стилей Xtra Styles PAK 10 и др.!
новых | Пакеты
Just Released - Xtra Styles PAK 11 for Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows!
We've added 200 exciting new RealStyles with the just-released Xtra Styles PAK 11 for Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows - 50 each for Jazz 11, Country 11, Rock & Pop 11, and Half & Double Time 1!
We think you'll love the new RealStyles and MultiStyles added with Xtra Styles PAK 11, which includes new sounds like modern reggaeton, medieval-inspired folk pop, Americana power ballad, speakeasy vocal jazz, R&B and reggae fusion, and more!
Video: Xtra Styles PAK 11 Demos for Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows
XTRA STYLES PAKS ARE ON SALE UNTIL MAY 31st! During our Xtra Styles PAK 11 special, all of our Xtra Styles PAKs 1-11 are on sale for just $29 each (reg. $49)! Looking for more Xtra Styles PAKs? Until May 31st, you can purchase our complete library of all 1,800+ RealStyles with the Xtra Styles PAK 1-11 Bundle for only $199 (reg. $349)! Learn more & order now.
Interested in a specific genre? These can be purchased for $15 each - pick & choose here.
NOTE: Xtra Styles PAKs require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition version 2020 or 2021. (Xtra Styles PAK 11 requires the 2021 UltraPAK/UltraPAK+/Audiophile Edition.) Xtra Styles PAKs won't work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
Learn more & listen to demos of Xtra Styles PAK 11.
Get To Know the Band-in-a-Box® Song Settings
Want to customize your Band-in-a-Box® song? Head into the Song Settings window to adjust settings for endings, tags, style variations, pushes, rests, chord embellishments, and more!
To access Song Settings in Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows, use Ctrl+N or choose the Edit | Song Form | Settings (for This Song) option.
Looking to mix up the styles playing for each chorus? You can do that!
Want Pedal Bass in your middle chorus? You can do that too!
Hoping to fade the ending to your song? Also an option from within this window!
There are additional Ending options, RealTracks options (including half-time/double-time, 'bluesy' solos, Natural Arrangements, etc.), and more!
Learn more about Band-in-a-Box® Song Settings.
Update Your Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows Documentation Today!
Download the latest Update for Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows to access the updated PDF manual and updated help file.
We've also addressed user reported concerns regarding Plugins Options, Drum Kit window MIDI events, the 2 bar lead-in for exported MIDI files, read-only Audio tracks, and more!
The latest update is available for FREE to all Band-in-a-Box® 2021 Windows users.
Learn more and download now.
Band-in-a-Box® 2021 Portuguese for Windows is Here!
Estamos ocupados e adicionamos 80 novos recursos e uma coleção incrível de novos conteúdos, incluindo 202 RealTracks, novos RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, Estudos Instrumentais, Performances de Artistas, Bonus RealDrums "Singles", transcrições de RealDrums, MultiStyles PAK 1, Xtra Styles PAK 10 e mais!
Novas Funções | Pacotes
Band-in-a-Box® 2021 Spanish for Windows is Here!
En PG Music tenemos el placer de anunciar la disponibilidad de Band-in-a-Box 2021 en Español. Despues de arduo trabajo hemos agregado, entre otras cosas, 80 funciones nuevas y una gran colección de nuevas incorporaciones y contenido que incluyen 202 RealTracks, nuevos RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, Estudios Instrumentales, Interpretaciones de Artistas, RealDrums 'Single' adicionales, transcripciones de RealDrums, MultiStyles PAK 1, Xtra Styles PAK 10 ¡y mucho mas!
Nuevas características | Todos los Paquetes
New Update Available for Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows!
Update your Band-in-a-Box® 2021 today!
We've applied some updates to a variety of Add-ons, improved transcriptions and simple tags, resolved playback issues with MIDI tracks, and more. Plus, this free update adds the latest DAW Plugin 3.46!
Learn more & download now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
34345 Members
67 Forums
69344 Topics
596011 Posts
Max Online: 2537 @ 01/19/20 07:09 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Previous Topic
Index
Dansk
Deutsch - Windows
Español
Français - Windows
Italiano - Windows
Nederlands
Polski
Português
Svenskt
русский
Japanese
Simplified Chinese
Traditional Chinese
Korean