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#229765 - 12/20/13 12:04 PM [User Showcase] This I Love Tammy Tattoo
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6871
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6871
Loc: Florida

Every year my wife takes a vacation with her sister. "Their" time.
A north Georgia cabin hiking getaway - that kind of thing.
And what they call "drinkin' and stinkin'"...
This year, while they were gone, I noticed "my wife's things" seemingly left behind...
(not really, of course... 'cause as far as I knew she was coming back...)
It gave me the idea for this song.


THIS I LOVE TAMMY TATTOO


you know that old coat that you left behind
I dropped it at the thrift store down on 59
that mug you always liked, well i dropped that too
a hundred little pieces - nothing much that I could do
tending to a garden, that's just not my style
so all your back porch plants have been gone for quite a while
I gave away your cds and your yoga mat
after all what would i do with something like that

there's just one thing
that won't go away
staring back at me
every single day
tell me if you can what do i do
with this i love tammy tattoo

that cabernet you were saving for some special day
i drank straight from the bottle, then threw half of it away
whatever that was in your crochet bin
one night, i unraveled until i reached the end
I finally thought to change the message on my phone
the one where you just giggled and said "wait for the tone"
i deleted every picture that i could find
of you or you and me or anything that brought you to mind

repeat chorus


The BIAB stuff...

RealTracks in song: 1849:Bass, Electric, ModernCountrySync Ev16 100
RealTracks in song: 633:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm PopAmericanMuted Ev 120 (A:sync)
RealTracks in song: 697:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm ElecRockDirty Ev 120
RealTracks in song: 998:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm HardRockLACrispSync Ev 120
RealTracks in song: 1529:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm PopPowerBrightA-B Ev 120
RealTracks in song: 646:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm PopRockBritEdgy Ev 120 (A:arp)
RealTracks in song: 997:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm HardRockLACrispArp Ev 120
RealTracks in song: 1167:Guitar, Electric, Soloist RockBalladBrent Ev 065
RealDrums in style: NashvilleEven8^1-a:Sidestick, HiHat , b:Snare, Ride

It looks like a LOT of guitars... but they, of course, don't all play at once.
I find that to create the "rock sound" that I'm after, I need to use various guitar tracks
at different times in the song for what is happening in the song at that time...
So the guitars trade off - usually 2 at a time - sometimes 3...

Again... crank. it. up! (As LOUD as you can stand it!!!)

Comments encouraged. And welcomed...

floyd

PS - Merry Christmas Y'all... else.. Happy Holidays..
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#229770 - 12/20/13 12:35 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 05/22/11
Posts: 2984
Loc: Florida
tommyad Offline
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Registered: 05/22/11
Posts: 2984
Loc: Florida
Another rockin floyd jane production. As they say on this forum radio ready. Great write, great vocal, great editing and choice of instruments and a great mix. I'll tell you what I really like about this track-EVERYTHING! Well Done. Tom

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#229782 - 12/20/13 01:23 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 6258
Guitarhacker Offline
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Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 6258
Nice job... Love that twist in the hook/title.

This reminds me of Brooks and Dunn in it's style and sound.

One thing I would change as a song writer....

drop these lines

I gave away your cds and your yoga mat
after all what would i do with something like that

and

i deleted every picture that i could find
of you or you and me or anything that brought you to mind


reason: you have a nice verse in the first 4 lines....then you hit the prechorus with the next 2 lines. The PC builds nicely headed towards a huge payoff chorus and we're expecting it.... then.. then you have a let down of emotion and energy with the 2 lines which I suggest you remove. They don't add, they take away from the song and the melody isn't related to anything else in the song.

Get to the CHORUS..... I know you've heard it said... Don't bore us, get to the chorus. You end the prechorus on a high note....with that expectation that there is a BIG CHORUS coming next... then it doesn't happen. By the time you get to the chorus, the sense of excitement is gone.

The lines you remove are not saying anything useful to the song anyway and their absence would get to the chorus quicker in both cases

Button the ending after the tag. Big drums....

One more thing.... I know the name Tammy is probably important to you.... but if you are plugging this to a pub, you should change the proper name from Tammy to "This I love you, tattoo".... a minor nit, and for a personal song...leave it as is.

Excellent job on the song. You have a real talent for writing good stuff my friend.
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#229787 - 12/20/13 02:13 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 2716
Loc: York, England
ROG Offline
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Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 2716
Loc: York, England
Hey Floyd.

Brilliant.

That's it, really. It's all just brilliant.

Love the lyrics theme - it's inspired and conjures up all sorts of images in my head as the song progresses.

The guitar sounds? Wonderful! Especially the jangly "Byrds" guitar in the chorus.

And a solo guitar too! Glad you didn't leave that out.

Yes, I took it through and played it nice and loud on the Tannoy Reds and the mix sounds spot-on to me. Sounds good on the 'phones too.

A great start to the weekend. Hope you have a good one.

ROG.

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#229799 - 12/20/13 03:39 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: ROG]
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 1624
Loc: WEST MIDLANDS, UK
sixchannel Offline
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Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 1624
Loc: WEST MIDLANDS, UK
Hi Floyd
you never cease to amaze!
I like the verses, even if they dont fit some pattern or other.
I had a quiet snigger at the lines about unravelling the crochet to the last stitch. Val is a "competitive" knitter and crocheter and she HAS been so threatened - lol!.
A great slow fade Brent Outro - fab!!
As the man says - "Radio Ready"
cheers
ian


Edited by sixchannel (12/20/13 03:39 PM)
Edit Reason: missed wording
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#229801 - 12/20/13 03:46 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 4077
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Scott C Offline
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Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 4077
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
+1 on the previous comments. Excellent lyrics, song, singing and playing. Thanks for playing
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#229842 - 12/20/13 06:54 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 3665
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
dani48 Offline
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Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 3665
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
Chuckle ! !!!

You got a big problem there Floyd !!:))
Especially if it is a great tattoo (as they usually
are depicting your sweetheart !!??)) (lol) !!!
I think I have been laughing the whole tune thru !!
What a treat, I don´t have words.......


Cheers
Dani

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#229864 - 12/20/13 09:53 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4414
Sundance Offline
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Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4414
Hey Floyd,

What a cool idea - tattoo - for a song. Loved the imagery and picturing our hero unraveling that crochet was not only funny but fresh. LOL!

I enjoyed it. Sounds great here.

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#229865 - 12/20/13 09:55 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6871
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6871
Loc: Florida
Tom - thanks for those very kind words. I guess "everything" pretty much covers it all smile

Herb - thanks for the listen. I have a lot of songs that I consider would be a fit for B&D (if they were still at it - and if Nashville were still doing that type of music - which they aren't), but this one doesn't strike me as fitting that mold. I need to address your songwriting suggestions in a separate response - when I have the time.

ROG - Thanks, man! I think I like "brilliant". Always good when your listener is "paintin' pictures in their head". And... always good to know the mix translates to those big boys! This one lent itself to a little gittin-down with the soloing... glad you liked it.
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#229867 - 12/20/13 10:04 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6871
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6871
Loc: Florida
Ian - glad you enjoyed this. The "crochet bin" is one of "her things", so, of course, it had to feel the wrath... you know how it is... But tell Val.. "No crochet projects were harmed in the creation of this song..."

Scott - thanks for the listen and the comments...

Dani - you're not supposed to be LAUGHING! This is a sad song... but glad you got a chuckle out of it anyway..
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#229868 - 12/20/13 10:09 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6871
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6871
Loc: Florida
Josie! Hi!... didn't see you come in... must have been a back door...
Thanks for the nice words. Once I got the idea for the song, the writing was pretty quick... Most of it is really stuff around the house...

When my wife got home and I played her the song, when it was finished she had kind of a stunned look on her face.

I said "What's wrong?"

She said "THAT'S ALL MY STUFF!!!!"
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#229938 - 12/21/13 09:41 AM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6871
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6871
Loc: Florida
Herb - (re: your suggestions)

I appreciate the sentiment and I get that you are offering what you believe to be valid suggestions. But, quite frankly, I think they are all "misguided". On every point. The lines that you are suggesting be dropped are some of the most powerful lines in the song.

I gave away your cds and your yoga mat
after all what would i do with something like that


A yoga mat is a very personal thing. More personal than anything up to that point. And the statement "what would I do with it" means that the guy has no connection to that part of the woman that was supposed to mean so much to him.
Women take their yoga seriously - it means something to them. If you want to "sell" to that audience, you need to be able to tap into those type of connections. To suggest that those lines don't add anything is missing some big stuff.

i deleted every picture that i could find
of you or you and me or anything that brought you to mind


This one is even bigger. I drank your wine, I unraveled your crochet, I took your message off my phone. Little details. I deleted EVERY PICTURE of YOU or YOU AND ME or ANYTHING THAT BROUGHT YOU TO MIND. That's "I've rid myself of it ALL". To think that that doesn't add anything is, again, missing something huge. If you are leaving stuff like that out then you're cutting the wrong stuff.

The intent is not to "get to the chorus as quickly as possible" at the expense of the details that lead to it.
Good writing is about the details. Start cutting the good stuff just so you can get to the chorus and what have you got? A formula for vapid.

I don't feel there is a let-down at all. In fact it continues to build. Perhaps you stopped listening because of some preconceived notion of a "pre-chorus". No idea when THAT term started popping up - because no one I ever wrote with EVER talked about something called a pre-chorus. Nor any publisher I ever sat down with. "Verse" seems a good enough term. Then a chorus. An occassional bridge.

The ending is what it should be musically - no ending. It's a song about something that is never going to go away. It doesn't get "buttoned up". It goes on... and on... To "neatly tie this up" at the end would just be - wrong.
And to think that every song has to have the same 2 bar ending is limited thinking.

Ah.. and the tattoo... WHO gets a tattoo that says "I love you"? No one.
Tattoos say "I love Betty". "I Love Charlene". "I Love Tammy".
It's not personal - I have never known anyone named Tammy. If you constantly go for "generic" in everything you write, you'll end up with... well... generic meaningless songs. Sanitized to the point of being completely uninteresting. All potatoes - no meat. You need some sharp edges.

Songwriting "rules" or guidelines are a good place to start. But if you use them in a way that leaves you with
a song void of interesting content, then you're headed in the wrong direction...

Thanks for the input.

floyd
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#229947 - 12/21/13 10:51 AM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 12/26/11
Posts: 1350
F.M.M. Offline
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Registered: 12/26/11
Posts: 1350
hi Floyd and jane love this total pro sound on everything agree with all said this is a tasty rocker for sure thanks eric
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#229974 - 12/21/13 12:35 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 05/22/11
Posts: 2984
Loc: Florida
tommyad Offline
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Registered: 05/22/11
Posts: 2984
Loc: Florida
Floyd, Thanks for posting your response to Herb. The comments and response offer some real insight into important songwriting elements. I just want to say that I have

learned a great deal about this process from the both of you. Thanks to both for such detailed posts. Tom

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#230054 - 12/21/13 07:33 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 6258
Guitarhacker Offline
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Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 6258
Merry Christmas Floyd.

The term and use of pre-chorus (aka the rise or lift) has been in wide use since the 60's when pre choruses started being used in popular music in all genre's. Now you know.



Edited by Guitarhacker (12/21/13 07:36 PM)
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#230067 - 12/21/13 09:05 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3838
Loc: Alabama, USA
Al-David Offline
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3838
Loc: Alabama, USA
Hi Floyd,

Well, I enjoyed the heck out of this one. I agree with what you said to Herb. I'm sure he was trying to help from his POV. Sometimes people just see things differently. Tha5t said, your response was valid, in my opinion and the opinion of my ears. I totally enjoyed your song...great stuff in every respect.

I have written a few songs using a pre-chorus, also called a rise or a lift as previously noted. I found that occasionally I need a couple of lines to transition from the verse to the chorus and a 2-line pre-chorus fit the bill. Bit, I use them very sparingly. The lyric, not the music, will usually dictate that for me.

Again...loved your song!

Al
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#230084 - 12/21/13 10:47 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14773
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14773
Loc: Australia
Hey floyd,

I'm sitting here typing in the hope that some new word or short phrase will spring to mind that means "powerfully good, exceptionally well performed and mixed to perfection".

The first thing that occurred to me as I listened was "Gosh this is good". That was swiftly followed by "How did he get the mix to sparkle with such a polished sound?" Only a millisecond later, I took a deep breath and sighed because the forum's bar has now been set higher than it's ever been. That was when I gave up and decided to close my eyes, sink back in my swivel chair, let the imagery flow and enjoy the song.

Really - and I mean REALLY - excellent work! I like everything just the way it is smile

All the best,
Noel

P.S. I grew up on music and taught music and theory for decades. It wasn't until only 7 or 8 years ago that I first heard the terms 'pre-chorus, lift, transitional bridge'.
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#230094 - 12/22/13 12:26 AM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 344
jphillips Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 344
Floyd:

A very clever idea for a song -- the tatoo.

I've heard a lot of songs that discuss getting rid of everything that reminds them of THE ONE.

But what about the ink?

Like I said, clever idea and very well produced.

John

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#230110 - 12/22/13 05:27 AM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 2716
Loc: York, England
ROG Offline
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Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 2716
Loc: York, England
Quote:
P.S. I grew up on music and taught music and theory for decades. It wasn't until only 7 or 8 years ago that I first heard the terms 'pre-chorus, lift, transitional bridge'.


My experience seems to be the same as Noel's.

I've spent over forty years in pro studios without hearing the phrase "pre-chorus" until about eight years ago. Suddenly, the words became fashionable with young people and then it seemed as if every song had to have one.

I don't think the music's changed, just the terminology.

ROG.

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#230175 - 12/22/13 12:27 PM [User Showcase] Re: This I Love Tammy Tattoo [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2868
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
boehm Offline
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Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2868
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
Hi Floyd,

I'm going to repeat myself, but I love everything about this song as about your others.
Merry Christmas.

Guenter
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