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#260378 - 08/23/14 04:34 PM [User Showcase] Looking for BIAB suggestions
Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1831
gruverider Offline
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Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1831
This me and my guitar. I'm kind of stumped and thought I would ask for song style and, or a simple instrument suggestion for this song from anybody who might be interested. It might be fun to see what direction some of you would take this song.

It is dedicated to my brother who suffers with Autism spectrum disorder (ADS).

https://soundcloud.com/lawrence-olivier/too-close-to-the-moon-live

Too Close To The Moon (2010)

Brother what you gonna do
When they really do come after you
Your hand print on the window pane
You paced that floor and wore it through

Do you remember a time when we were brothers
Do you remember the things we used to do
We thought we mighta got too close to the fire
But we musta’ been too close to the moon

There came a time when I couldn’t talk to you
And nobody seemed to know what was wrong with you
Paw called the law and tried to ease our pain
You were beat down and bloody when they were through

Do you remember the time you brought that stray dog home
Through country side you and that dog would roam
We worried about you getting’ too close to the fire
But it looks like you were too close to the moon

Now you carry on most days like a lunatic
And sometimes I just laugh at the thought of it
But at night I pray to god and science
That somehow they might pull you out of this

Do you remember a time when we were brothers
Do you remember the things we used to do
Maybe I got too close to the fire
But somehow you got too close to the moon


Edited by gruverider (08/23/14 04:34 PM)

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#260381 - 08/23/14 04:44 PM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 9665
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 9665
Loc: Florida
Wow, Lawrence. Powerful writing.

I hear this a little slower - maybe a lot slower. With Randy Newman playing the piano for you. And his still of simple orchestration.. Unfortunately, there aren't any Newman piano ballad RTs (wouldn't THAT be nice)... it is, however, the feel I tried to get for "Choking" - you might take a look at that combination of RTs...

http://www.pgmusic.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=253410#Post253410

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#260397 - 08/23/14 08:19 PM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17495
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Loc: Australia
Hi Lawrence,

That's an amazing story and an outstanding song - singer/songwriting at its very very best!

A style that might provide a starting place is _CMPFBF2.STY. This uses RTs 364 and 368. To my mind, though, your own guitar work with maybe a BIAB simple drum backing is all that's needed

To my ears, I hear something styled similarly to the below version of Craig Bickhardt's "This Old House". (Arrangements don't get much less cluttered than this.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJOB2J_hwDU

Although, the feel is not what you're wanting, the below song also uses a sparse arrangement that might open up ideas for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMln5JV6n34

Lastly, another instrumental line-up might be something like below. (The sound quality isn't great but I think you'll get the idea. It's also Craig Bickhardt.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtjUGcMSZRY&list=PLmphFMNofsFUf9hX9C2681vYTnHpDy4Y5

Like floyd, I reckon simplicity in arrangement is the key to maximising the strength of this song. Begin with a single guitar, add simple drums, add second guitar, end with single guitar (at least that's what my initial plan of attack would be).

Just my tuppence worth!
Noel

P.S. Here's another sparse arrangement idea. Willy DeVille singing "Let It Be Me" - very soulful!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bC8iYBlZ7g
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#260399 - 08/23/14 09:19 PM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6458
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
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Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6458
Loc: Davis, CA
Beautiful song!! Like the others, I agree sparse is best. If I were you I would try acoustic guitar, bass, and cello. Another possibility is the California Piano on BIAB. It is really pretty but it may be too busy or the tempo might not work. I actually found that the pedal steel goes really nicely with the California piano. Just some thoughts. The song is definitely worth doing right. Great stuff!! Take care. Greg

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#260400 - 08/23/14 09:46 PM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4802
Sundance Offline
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Registered: 05/30/08
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My 2 cents. Keep it singer-songwriter with the acoustic guitar. Add some percussion, not a whole drum kit. Try a violin that weaves in and out. I would say cello but for your voice a higher range instrument might compliment it better - you'll have to experiment to hear. I'd love to say flute but I don't believe we have any flute RTs that would work. BTW, I haven't tried David's user track flute yet so I don't know how it sounds.

Or similar to FJ's suggestion you could slow it down 5-10bpm, use one of the HIQ piano midi style tracks then add an orchestral string section behind you. If you have good sounds the HIQ midi tracks can sound great.


Josie

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#260409 - 08/23/14 11:15 PM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 08/25/03
Posts: 3078
Loc: wales
gibson Offline
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Registered: 08/25/03
Posts: 3078
Loc: wales
Lawrence,

WOW!!

If it needs any additions then some strings weaving in and out as Sundance says. for example on the pickin' intro and 1.52 to 2.11 and then the outro 2.56 to 3.18

BUT I really like the arrangement as it is now and my addition would be a simple one note harmony, the root of the chord that is under the word moon and fire, on the words "too close to the fire" and "too close to the moon"

I say WOW again because that song is beautiful.

Alyn
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#260449 - 08/24/14 12:56 PM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2873
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
boehm Offline
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Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2873
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
Hi Lawrence,

I already like the song as it is.
Great story, great writing and singing.
Looking forward to what comes out of it.

Guenter
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#260458 - 08/24/14 03:59 PM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
PgFantastic Offline
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Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
Beautiful song, sounds great on this end as is, If you are going to add anything I would go with some of the others that you could use strings, I think one of the styles with a soft fiddle playing during the chorus for emphasis would work. The cello in Biab would probably fit this one amazingly. Whatever you do be sure to repost with the finished version. thanks for sharing!
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#260468 - 08/24/14 05:42 PM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 1718
Loc: New Zealand
RichMac Offline
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Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 1718
Loc: New Zealand
Hi Laurence. Love this. I would make it less folky. More dramatic. More Kris Kristofferson.
Just simple bass plenty of long notes ( or maybe the cello instead) no drums and minimal rhythm guitar.
No leads just the vocal. A tad slower.
Cheers.
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#260512 - 08/25/14 07:26 AM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 7841
Guitarhacker Offline
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Posts: 7841
Personally, I would look in the bluegrass/country styles.

I would tend towards the acoustic styles, keep it sparse, and no drums.

Perhaps a cello or a fiddle real track edited in tastefully for effect and an acoustic, stand up bass that comes in a bit further into the song..... maybe on the first chorus or the second verse.

That song..... done properly, and mastered, could easily be used in film & TV. It's the kind of melancholy and dark music that gets used as the ending song in shows like the Walking Dead and so many others.

You have a piece of magic in your hands with that song.
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#260514 - 08/25/14 07:39 AM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 4119
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
dani48 Offline
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Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 4119
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
Hi, Lawrence !

I´d go with those who
suggested the sparsest
accompaniment, in fact
I think you and your nice
fingerpickin´is more than
sufficient, in fact very
good !:))

Cheers
Dani

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#260519 - 08/25/14 07:50 AM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 10968
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
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The lyric really has meaning for me as I spent part of my career working with people with autism. The overt aspects and the subtleties/ mysteries of it are manifest in your lyric. Very powerful. I like both the ideas of string and/or piano. No real leads just longish note background. I on e used only an acoustic bass, cello and fiddle (all RTs) on a tune and it seemed to work. Wherever you take it it will be strong.

Bud
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#260520 - 08/25/14 07:57 AM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 6700
Loc: South Carolina
Charlie Fogle Online   content
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Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 6700
Loc: South Carolina
Amazing song. I agree with all the others that you have really something special here. I agree that sparse music suits best. A bit slower tempo and add a 12 string and a cello to keep the flow moving and building.

I look forward to how you decide to finish this one.

Charlie
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#260524 - 08/25/14 08:35 AM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 04/20/10
Posts: 5049
Loc: Florida
90 dB Offline
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Registered: 04/20/10
Posts: 5049
Loc: Florida
I wouldn't change a single thing. Tempo, instruments, nothing.

This is perfect as is. Any additions would diminish it's power. It is a very powerful song.


Regards,

Bob

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#260550 - 08/25/14 12:55 PM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 08/20/11
Posts: 7870
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC USA
Jim Fogle Offline
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Registered: 08/20/11
Posts: 7870
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC USA
Very moving and touching song. I listened to it several times thinking about what I'd do different and came up with, not much. I like the pattern you play but it needs to be more consistent in places as it drops out. The singing is as wistful as at can be so I'd be very careful what I'd do there because there's no place to go but backwards. Mostly I would try adding some faint delay to the vocal in places as I think sparsely used faint echoes on just the tail of some words would heighten the feeling of seperation.

I would use the string quartet Realtracks only behind the verse about your brother and the police. I would add some windchime tinkling loops in the places where you sing about being brothers and have a windchime glissendo at the end (once brothers, always brothers).

Long, substained piano bass notes would work well underneath this song.
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#260568 - 08/25/14 05:53 PM [User Showcase] Re: Looking for BIAB suggestions [Re: gruverider]
Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1831
gruverider Offline
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Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1831
Thank you to all for the suggestions. I see a lot of consensus on strings and keeping it simple.

I will try some of your ideas over the next week and see what happens.

When I'm done I will post the new version.

Thank you again.

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