Previous Thread
Index
Next Thread
Print Thread
Go To
Page 1 of 2 1 2
User Showcase
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
dcuny Offline OP
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
The Gates of Babylon
You sit alone at the table
While I take my coffee in bed
Our happy home's just a no-man's land
Where even angels refuse to tread

Angry words fall silent
Now that we've said much too much
I hold back my hurt inside
You hold back your touch

Chorus
I could scale the Zagros mountains
Or be covered by salty sea
But I can't bridge this emptiness
Dividing you from me

Close your eyes and pray for sleep
But prayers fall on deaf ears
We hold our breath and count the hours
Until the morning sun reappears

Lost without direction
Unwilling to turn around
Falling apart together
Divided by common ground

So many bridges burned
Too many chances gone
Now that we've been turned away
At the gates of Babylon


RealTracks
364 - Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking Ev065
366 - Bass, Electric, Country Ev 065
891 - Piano, Acoustic, Solo Accompaniment PopLiverpool Ev065
897 - Guitar, 12-String Acoustic, Rhythm FolkRock Ev16 065
908 - Bass, Electric, SmoothBallad Ev16 065
910 - Piano, Electric, Rhythm SmoothBallad Ev16 065
1074 - Piano, Electric, Soloist SmoothJazzBallad delay Ev16 065
1543 - SynthPad, PopBelieve Ev16 065
1676 - Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking CountryBrent Ev 065

Vocaloids: Avanna and YOHIOloid

Yes, it's another Vocaloid performance. The original POV was a male singer, but I liked the "Avanna" Vocaloid when I tracked it, so I went ahead and altered the lyrics to fit a bit better.

This is a slightly different take on The Water Is Wide. More of "No, I'm not kidding - I really can't cross over."

Floyd Jane will (rightly) point out that the language is a bit too pretentious in places, and undercuts the lyrics. In my defense, I was trying to channel Al Stewart when I penned the lyrics, so the obscure references stayed in. The original version of the second verse used "maelstrom" in it, so the grandiloquent-o-meter rating was scaled back a tad during the rewrite.

At the last minute I noticed sloppy lyric writing:

Angry words fall silent
Now that we've said much too much
You hold back your anger
I hold back my touch


I was almost too lazy to change it, but a visit with Mr. Thesaurus cleared that up, and I got some alliteration to boot. (But does it count for silent letters?)

As usual, comments of all sorts are welcome.


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
User Showcase
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 11,672
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 11,672
David,

I really like this!

Wonderful opening! The e piano then the blend of the acoustic guitar... beautiful! Worth stealing that! (I will give you credit, of course..). The first couple lines of the vocal are so close to "real" that it makes you want that "girl" to turn into a real voice (like in a Disney movie) - it is nice!

An excellent piece of songwriting. I have no issues at all with anything wink ... It all seems quite natural - which is all that ever matters. Solid, solid writing. Opening with "furniture" and then moving later to emotion...very well done. I commend you, also, on avoiding the typical clichés of the what-has-happened-to-us song. You captured the emotions in fresh ways...

One lyric suggestion... I may be misinterpreting this... in your chorus,
"I could scale the Zagros mountains
Or be covered by salty sea"
Should that be "Or cover the salty sea"? (I would write it as "I could cover the salty sea" - to give you that repetition)
Basically... I can climb mountains, I can span oceans... (I don't get "being underwater")...

Beautiful melody!

The lead instrument was a surprise (a nice one. You did not list it, so I did not want to give it away here..if that was your intent). In the first half of it, I feel that there were too many "quick phrases" - the opening is nice, but is followed by too many flourishes (if you know what I mean).. the second half has more held notes which fit the feel of the song better and I think the overall lead would benefit from more of that happening in the first half of it... (the ending works very well).

Did I say "I really like this!"???

Man! This is NICE!

floyd

oh.. forgot the mention - excellent production, excellent mix... (got so wrapped up in the song itself)

Last edited by floyd jane; 10/10/14 06:48 AM.
User Showcase
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 8,095
C
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
C
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 8,095
David, this is definitely the song on the forum with the 'feel'. My favorite of yours so far. The feel is the song that just hearing it one time, you know it has mainstream appeal and potential. This is a winner as far as lyrics, melody and structure go. I think the changes you made for the song to fit Avanna were spot on and perfect for this song.

My only suggestion would be to find a way to entice Rob and Anne-Marie from here on the forum to collaborate on the vocals with you. Her vocals and their harmonies would really be icing on the cake.

Great Job All Around!!
Charlie


BIAB Ultra Pak+ 2024:RB 2024, Latest builds: Dell Optiplex 7040 Desktop; Windows-10-64 bit, Intel Core i7-6700 3.4GHz CPU and 16 GB Ram Memory.
User Showcase
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
dcuny Offline OP
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
Originally Posted By: floyd jane
I really like this!

Thanks, you made my morning! smile

Quote:
Wonderful opening!

I got lucky on that. I was trying to find something that would be simple, and when I tried the electric piano, it was the obvious choice (a continuing homage to Al Stewart, linking to "Time Passages"). I added some delay to it, brought in the guitar, and for once was sensible enough to leave it alone at that. grin


Quote:
An excellent piece of songwriting. I have no issues at all with anything wink

smile The initial idea focused on traveling through the desert until the arrival "at the gates of Babylon", and spent too much time on abstract language. The introduction came from trying to anchoring the lyric in reality before getting lost in my own metaphors.

Fortunately the rewrite jettisoned a lot of the meandering lyrics.

Quote:
One lyric suggestion... I may be misinterpreting this... in your chorus,
"I could scale the Zagros mountains
Or be covered by salty sea"

Should that be "Or cover the salty sea"?

It's like you've read my mind here. The line is basically a quote from "The Water Is Wide":

The water is wide, I can't cross over
And neither have I wings to fly


The original version of the lyric was:

I could scale the Zagros mountains
Or sail salty sea


It carries the metaphor better, and has the inner rhyme of scale/sail.

But I wanted to also capture that feeling of wanting to run to the heights or drown in the sea when a relationship goes bad. The result is (as you noted) a bit of a compromise that does neither.

There is a strong case for mangled metaphors in language. Check out Shakespeare's Genius is Nonsense - the article title is too clever for its own good, since it's also a double meaning.

But I don't think the line really works, and I'd been thinking about how it could be rewritten.

Quote:
The lead instrument was a surprise

I love that trumpet! I just forgot to list it.

This time I planned ahead, and included the RealTrack number in the exported .wav file name so I could list the instruments I'd used later. The solo comes so late in the track the I simply missed it.

You nailed my thoughts on the solo exactly. I'm got an aversion to silence during solos, and I think in this case "less is more" might be the solution.

I'm still wondering about the balance between the lyric and the instruments. My co-worker consistently has trouble understanding the vocals on my mixes (and not just the Vocaloids), so getting vocal clarity is something I'm still struggling with.

Thanks again!


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
User Showcase
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 4,048
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 4,048
Hi David,

A beautiful song and the voice sounds almost like real. If you don't know it's a Vocaloid, you won't notice the difference. Only if you do know, you can hear the slight problems this "voice" has, while going from one word to another sometimes.
I like both the melody very much as well as the atmosphere.
Well done.

Anne-Marie


We are Rob Meulman and Anne-Marie Bovenkamp from The Netherlands.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1gsdNLE7_Gy8qavoOplQow/videos
http://rnam.net/


User Showcase
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
dcuny Offline OP
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
Originally Posted By: c_fogle
My favorite of yours so far.

Thanks!

Quote:
My only suggestion would be to find a way to entice Rob and Anne-Marie from here on the forum to collaborate on the vocals with you.

I'm open to that! Whether they trust their vocals to my mixing is another matter. wink


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
User Showcase
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
dcuny Offline OP
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
Originally Posted By: R & AM
A beautiful song and the voice sounds almost like real.

Hi, Anne-Marie.

Yes, it's amazing how much better an English-speaking Vocaloid can be when English is the voice supplier's native language. The other Vocaloid I've got is based on a Swedish singer, and even though he's trying to do an American (ooops... mid-Atlantic") accent, it's not entirely successful. There's been rumor of an native English speaking male Vocaloid for a while, and I'd love to have that.

There are still some interesting challenges with a "native" Vocaloid. For example, she sings "salty" as "shalty". A bit of cut and pasting took care of that. The words "at the" came out as "atuh" because the initial "t" sound was so strong.

I'm such a geek about this stuff. smile

Thanks!


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
User Showcase
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 4,777
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 4,777
The words of the lyrics suffer for the artificial voice quite a bit here, but the "triple M's" - melody, music & mix - it's all very nice & smooth cool


There's only one thing to do in crisis like this - Sleep on it!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
BBox 2022 Audiophile, Mac Pro Intel, OSX 10.6.8, 800x600 (TV VGA)
User Showcase
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 117
Apprentice
Offline
Apprentice
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 117
Very nice, and thought provoking!

I had no idea what to expect, as there is a song by the same name from the mid-70's band Rainbow (Ritchie Blackmore's band after Deep Purple). If you are familiar with that then this is.....ahh.....QUITE different!

Outstanding arrangement and I am fascinated by this whole idea of Vocaloid. I want to hear more of your stuff!


BiaB/RB 2014 OmniPak
Juno-Gi Mobile Synth
Roland GR-20+GK-3 Guitar Synthesizer System
Godin Nylon String Synth Access Guitar
User Showcase
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
dcuny Offline OP
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
Originally Posted By: Icelander
The words of the lyrics suffer for the artificial voice quite a bit here, but the "triple M's" - melody, music & mix - it's all very nice & smooth cool

Glad you liked it! If the Vocaloid folk don't come up with a better English-speaking male voice, I may be forced to finish up my own voice synthesis project... shocked


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
User Showcase
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
dcuny Offline OP
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
Originally Posted By: Dan45
Very nice, and thought provoking!

I looked up the Rainbow version on YouTube. Fun song, but slightly different to it. smile

Thanks for the positive feedback!


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
User Showcase
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,040
Expert
Offline
Expert
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,040
David,
Don't be so hard on yourself. This is beautiful song and arrangement. The vocaloid choice with just right. Thanks for sharing.
SD

User Showcase
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,888
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,888
Hi David,

as Charlie said "this is definitely the song on the forum with the 'feel'. My favorite of yours so far. The feel is the song that just hearing it one time, you know it has mainstream appeal and potential. This is a winner as far as lyrics, melody and structure go."
I'm just having my 5th listen. A beautiful piece.
I don't know if a "real" voice can make it better.

Guenter

User Showcase
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
dcuny Offline OP
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
Originally Posted By: SpaceDog
Don't be so hard on yourself.

Don't worry, I'm fine - that's just the way I think about stuff.

Thanks!


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
User Showcase
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 10,114
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 10,114
David, I found the lyrics to be very emotional. Great job of matching the vocaloid to the song. Enjoyed the production. It's a nice listen. I liked the use of harmonies in this song. In many songs harmony is overused and too out front. You blended the harmony into the song in a very pleasing manner.


Jim Fogle - 2024 BiaB (1111) RB (5) Ultra+ PAK
DAWs: Cakewalk by BandLab (CbB) - Standalone: Zoom MRS-8
Laptop: i3 Win 10, 8GB ram 500GB HDD
Desktop: i7 Win 11, 12GB ram 256GB SSD, 4 TB HDD
Music at: https://fogle622.wix.com/fogle622-audio-home
User Showcase
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
dcuny Offline OP
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
Originally Posted By: boehm
My favorite of yours so far.

Thanks!

I've got a cluttered house full of noisy teenagers, and my computer is in the middle of it all. So it can be a challenge to find the space and quiet needed to record vocals! smile

I just wish there were a better male Vocaloid voice available. Working with this is getting me prepared to start working on my voice synthesis program again...


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
User Showcase
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 6,892
G
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
G
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 6,892
Really beautiful song!! I would love to hear a traditional vocal performance on it. Lyrics are excellent-really emotional and crafted well but not over crafted. Excellent!! Take care. Greg

User Showcase
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
dcuny Offline OP
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,625
Originally Posted By: Greg Johnson
Really beautiful song!! I would love to hear a traditional vocal performance on it.

Thanks, Greg!

I asked a friend today if she would sing on it. She said she liked the lyrics, but I made the "classic mistake" of giving it a sweet melody. She suggested I speed up the tempo, and make the arrangement bluesy to match the lyric. Oh, well. (Not a bad suggestion, really, but not going to happen. But I now know someone to contact when I do write a bluesy song). laugh


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
User Showcase
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 18,854
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 18,854
Hi David,

This is definitely a creation to be proud of. You've scaled and conquered songwriting mountains here. The melody and its arrangement are testimony to your fine ability with music. Couple these with such poignant lyrics and the creation is complete. I thoroughly enjoyed the journey.

All the best,
Noel


MY SONGS...
Audiophile BIAB 2024
User Showcase
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,986
Expert
Offline
Expert
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,986
Absolutely beautiful, David! Very well written. Any nits that I would have with the lyrics would strictly be personality differences. I would like to hear this with a "real" singer. Nothing against the Vocaloid. It's a useful tool for "non-singers", but this song deserves to be heard right. I think it's that good. As an arranger, I always enjoy your work. Good use of instrumentation, and the music enhances, and never gets in the way of the emotions of the song.

Did I say I like this?

Looking forward to hearing more.

Steve


Steve Young
Music
"In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else has thought of." - Robert Schumann
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Go To
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
ChatPG

Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.

ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.

PG Music News
Update Your PowerTracks Pro Audio 2024 Today!

Add updated printing options, enhanced tracks settings, smoother use of MGU and SGU (BB files) within PowerTracks, and more with the latest PowerTracks Pro Audio 2024 update!

Learn more about this free update for PowerTracks Pro Audio & download it at www.pgmusic.com/support_windows_pt.htm#2024_5

The Newest RealBand 2024 Update is Here!

The newest RealBand 2024 Build 5 update is now available!

Download and install this to your RealBand 2024 for updated print options, streamlined loading and saving of .SGU & MGU (BB) files, and to add a number of program adjustments that address user-reported bugs and concerns.

This free update is available to all RealBand 2024 users. To learn more about this update and download it, head to www.pgmusic.com/support.realband.htm#20245

The Band-in-a-Box® Flash Drive Backup Option

Today (April 5) is National Flash Drive Day!

Did you know... not only can you download your Band-in-a-Box® Pro, MegaPAK, or PlusPAK purchase - you can also choose to add a flash drive backup copy with the installation files for only $15? It even comes with a Band-in-a-Box® keychain!

For the larger Band-in-a-Box® packages (UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, Audiophile Edition), the hard drive backup copy is available for only $25. This will include a preinstalled and ready to use program, along with your installation files.

Backup copies are offered during the checkout process on our website.

Already purchased your e-delivery version, and now you wish you had a backup copy? It's not too late! If your purchase was for the current version of Band-in-a-Box®, you can still reach out to our team directly to place your backup copy order!

Note: the Band-in-a-Box® keychain is only included with flash drive backup copies, and cannot be purchased separately.

Handy flash drive tip: Always try plugging in a USB device the wrong way first? If your flash drive (or other USB plug) doesn't have a symbol to indicate which way is up, look for the side with a seam on the metal connector (it only has a line across one side) - that's the side that either faces down or to the left, depending on your port placement.

Update your Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows® Today!

Update your Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows for free with build 1111!

With this update, there's more control when saving images from the Print Preview window, we've added defaults to the MultiPicker for sorting and font size, updated printing options, updated RealTracks and other content, and addressed user-reported issues with the StylePicker, MIDI Soloists, key signature changes, and more!

Learn more about this free update for Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows at www.pgmusic.com/support_windowsupdates.htm#1111

Band-in-a-Box® 2024 Review: 4.75 out of 5 Stars!

If you're looking for a in-depth review of the newest Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows version, you'll definitely find it with Sound-Guy's latest review, Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows Review: Incredible new capabilities to experiment, compose, arrange and mix songs.

A few excerpts:
"The Tracks view is possibly the single most powerful addition in 2024 and opens up a new way to edit and generate accompaniments. Combined with the new MultiPicker Library Window, it makes BIAB nearly perfect as an 'intelligent' composer/arranger program."

"MIDI SuperTracks partial generation showing six variations – each time the section is generated it can be instantly auditioned, re-generated or backed out to a previous generation – and you can do this with any track type. This is MAJOR! This takes musical experimentation and honing an arrangement to a new level, and faster than ever."

"Band in a Box continues to be an expansive musical tool-set for both novice and experienced musicians to experiment, compose, arrange and mix songs, as well as an extensive educational resource. It is huge, with hundreds of functions, more than any one person is likely to ever use. Yet, so is any DAW that I have used. BIAB can do some things that no DAW does, and this year BIAB has more DAW-like functions than ever."

Convenient Ways to Listen to Band-in-a-Box® Songs Created by Program Users!

The User Showcase Forum is an excellent place to share your Band-in-a-Box® songs and listen to songs other program users are creating!

There are other places you can listen to these songs too! Visit our User Showcase page to sort by genre, artist (forum name), song title, and date - each listing will direct you to the forum post for that song.

If you'd rather listen to these songs in one place, head to our Band-in-a-Box® Radio, where you'll have the option to select the genre playlist for your listening pleasure. This page has SoundCloud built in, so it won't redirect you. We've also added the link to the Artists SoundCloud page here, and a link to their forum post.

We hope you find some inspiration from this amazing collection of User Showcase Songs!

Congratulations to the 2023 User Showcase Award Winners!

We've just announced the 2023 User Showcase Award Winners!

There are 45 winners, each receiving a Band-in-a-Box 2024 UltraPAK! Read the official announcement to see if you've won.

Our User Showcase Forum receives more than 50 posts per day, with people sharing their Band-in-a-Box songs and providing feedback for other songs posted.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed!

Forum Statistics
Forums66
Topics81,555
Posts734,371
Members38,490
Most Online2,537
Jan 19th, 2020
Newest Members
michel vermeulen, Mikanh132, ABE, Nancy Gochnauer, Frank G
38,489 Registered Users
Top Posters(30 Days)
MarioD 185
DC Ron 109
dcuny 97
Today's Birthdays
IAN WILLIAMS, larochep
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5