You need to be logged in to post
Options
Index
#139906 - 12/09/11 03:56 PM [User Showcase] New Song, need advise
Registered: 02/25/07
Posts: 514
Loc: The Netherlands, Europe
Superbron Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 02/25/07
Posts: 514
Loc: The Netherlands, Europe
Hi all,

It's been a while since I posted my last song here. Here's one with little to no Biab involved. I could need some advise though: as non-native english speaker it's always difficult to write fitting lyrics. Anyway: enjoy!

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=665106&songID=7192660

Cheers,

Superbron
_________________________
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
www.soundclick.com/superbron

Top
#139907 - 12/12/11 10:04 AM [User Showcase] Re: New Song, need advise [Re: Superbron]
Registered: 07/12/07
Posts: 951
Loc: France, but I'm an ex-pat Brit
mglinert Offline
Expert

Registered: 07/12/07
Posts: 951
Loc: France, but I'm an ex-pat Brit
Thoughtful piece, SuperBron in what is a new genre for you.

The main problem here regarding the lyric is that your phrasing pattern pretty well thoughout the song is x/X/x i.e. three sylables with the accent (further emphasized by the rising melody) falling on the second of the three.

You must then choose lyrics which fit this pattern.

Some of your lines do:
(‘this planet ‘,‘let's break with’, ‘traditions’, ‘stop toxic’, ‘emissions’)

..but other do not, and these sound forced, awkward, clumsy.. (‘we call Earth’, ‘is the place’, ‘of our birth’, ‘poisoning’)

Regards,

Marc
_________________________
Marc's SoundCloud
Marc's SoundClick

Top
#139908 - 12/13/11 01:03 PM [User Showcase] Re: New Song, need advise [Re: mglinert]
Registered: 02/25/07
Posts: 514
Loc: The Netherlands, Europe
Superbron Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 02/25/07
Posts: 514
Loc: The Netherlands, Europe
Hi Marc,

Thanks for listening and your advise. It's indeed new terrain and I think you nailed the problem I have with this song. It's very hard for a non-native english speaker to get the emphasizes (is this correct?) right. Can you let me know of all lines which are correct and which are not? Thanks in advance.

Cheers,

Bron
_________________________
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
www.soundclick.com/superbron

Top
#139909 - 12/14/11 02:00 PM [User Showcase] Re: New Song, need advise [Re: Superbron]
Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 12036
Loc: Hamlin NY
MarioD Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 12036
Loc: Hamlin NY
Welcome back Superbron!

Yes, the correct word is emphasizes and while I do agree with Marc I don’t think you were that far off. I think it sounds like it does more because of the rising melody. Is there anyway you can cut the volume, maybe by velocity if midi, on that?

Also why not sing it in your native language? Sing it that way and see how the emphasis comes out. Then if you want to sing it in English you have something to compare it to. Just a thought!

You have come a long way in your song writing and production skills!
_________________________
Isn't it odd that 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible but 8 beers in 3 hours is easy!

64 bit Win 10 Pro - the latest BiaB and RB - Roland Octa-Capture audio interface - a ton of software and some hardware.

Top
#139910 - 12/16/11 08:53 AM [User Showcase] Re: New Song, need advise [Re: MarioD]
Registered: 02/25/07
Posts: 514
Loc: The Netherlands, Europe
Superbron Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 02/25/07
Posts: 514
Loc: The Netherlands, Europe
Hi MarioD,

Thanks for listening and your advise. I will try writing some lyrics in Frisian (my native language) of Dutch which I am very familiar with as well.

Cheers,

Superbron
_________________________
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
www.soundclick.com/superbron

Top


PG Music News
Video - Repeats & Endings Dialog Overview for Band-in-a-Box® 2019 for Windows

In our latest video, video we go over the Repeats & Endings Dialog within Band-in-a-Box® 2019 - Learn more...

This video includes information on repeats, 1st/2nd endings, dc al coda, ds al coda, dc al fine, ds al fine, and Fake Sheet Mode.

Holiday Hours - Monday, May 20, 2019

We are celebrating Victoria Day on Monday, May 20th! Our hours this weekend are:

Saturday, May 18: 8am-4pm PST (Technical Support closed)
Sunday, May 19: Closed
Monday, May 20: 8am-4pm PST (Technical Support closed)

Regular Hours resume Tuesday, May 21st.

Testimonial - Woody Piano Shack's Thoughts on Band-in-a-Box®

Check out our latest Video Testimonial from Woody of Woody Piano Shack! Woody uses Band-in-a-Box primarily as a training tool within his YouTube channel and private lessons. He's been a Band-in-a-Box user since the Atari ST days, and is very impressed with the evolution of our program - watch and you'll see! Click here...

Video - Audio Harmony Overview in Band-in-a-Box® 2019 for Windows

We've updated our Audio Harmony Overview video using the latest Band-in-a-Box 2019 for Windows program! Watch now...

Learn even more about Audio Harmonies using the Online Manual, here.

Danish Band-in-a-Box® 2019 for Windows is Here!

Band-in-a-Box® 2019 til Windows® er klar!

Pakker
Nye funktioner

Dutch Band-in-a-Box® 2019 for Windows is Here!

Band-in-a-Box® 2019 voor Windows® is hier!

Pakketten
Nieuwe Functies

Video - Band-in-a-Box® for Windows: Simple Arrangement

Head into the RealTracks Picker window, and you'll see a [ ] Simpler option - but what does that mean? Anthony explains in our latest video, here.

Forum Stats
29471 Members
60 Forums
58048 Topics
487434 Posts

Max Online: 2434 @ 11/14/17 12:37 AM
Newest Members
FEC, Jolen, rumplesteel, KapunaKane, Aretana

29470 Registered Users
Top Posters (30 Days)
Jim 141
Noel96 133
rsdean 114
Ember - PG Music 111
Janice & Bud 104
Tangmo 98
rayc 96
Joe -PG Music 91
Greg Johnson 91
Jim Fogle 85
Today's Birthdays
valentimo