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#156196 - 04/07/12 10:27 PM [User Showcase] 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me"
Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
Paul bright Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140

http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_12827440

BB Electric for bass and organ
BB - 2 Acoustic Guitars
Ezkey - Piano

A very hard song for me to write today...

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#156197 - 04/08/12 08:55 AM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Paul bright]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14105
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14105
Loc: Australia
Hi Paul,

This is song is a credit to you. I love the way the arrangement builds up and up. The whole production oozes confidence and competence on all levels.

Regards,
Noel
_________________________
LINKS TO MY BIAB/RB SONGS


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#156198 - 04/08/12 01:43 PM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
Paul bright Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
Thank you so much.. it was by far the hardest song for me to write..not technically.. but emotionally.... I had to re-open all those past feelings of that time period.. and try to capture the emotions in a song.. All of you know that is not an easy thing to really do.. the words have to match the emotion . the chords have to give off the flavor of the emotion.. then you have to sing it in the emotional state of the song... This one pushed me harder then any song I've ever written.. When I finished it yesterday I was mentally wiped... so much I forgot to eat dinner.. and just went to bed..

The emotions got so real on when writing that chorus... Tough Song... I hope it comes through in the presentation....

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#156199 - 04/08/12 06:27 PM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Paul bright]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4318
Sundance Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4318
Paul,

You have a good voice and do wonderful production. Very professional sounding mixes. To me, the vox effects are a little apparent when there's softer music making your voice less intimate to me but it sounds great in the big part of the mix. But that's a matter of taste I suppose.

What I would like to suggest to you is less relying on over used cliches in your lyrics and more fresh lyrical imagery. I'm not saying to never use a cliche. The trick is finding balance between telling and showing so that yes - even in an emotional song - your own unique writing voice comes through. Try coming up with fresh ways of saying what's already been said and rhymed the same way thousands of times.

I know that's hard to hear. I'm only saying it because I truly do respect your talent.

Also watch out for filler words like "just". Not saying, not to ever use it but if it's there more than a couple of times then one of the lines should be rewritten.

What I'm suggesting will pack a bigger emotional punch in your songs if you'll work at it. It's also fun.

Really nice production.

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#156200 - 04/08/12 07:51 PM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Sundance]
Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
Paul bright Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
Jose, Not hard to hear at all…. The purpose of this place as I see it is to put yourself out there where other people doing the same thing give there professional feedback. Kind of a getting a different perspective, looking out of the box. Some ideas you will agree with and some you won’t.

For me I take in what fits me, and I discard what doesn’t. I will go back as I do with all comments and see if there are things in your comments that fit me and the way I want my music to sound.

You taking the time to respond on my song tells me a lot in itself. I respect your opinion as a person but also as an artist. I always like hearing your feedback. Its honest.

Have a Happy Easter.

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#156201 - 04/09/12 11:50 AM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Paul bright]
Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
Paul bright Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
Jose, I went back and listened based off your comments... ....But the bottom line is I like the words and how it turned out. Its staying the way it was intended and written.. In this case I think you totally wrong and for me the comments are just out in left field.

The words came from the heart not from some rhyming dictionary as I suspect you were hinting at. But as always I do appreciate your view and feedback. As I said before if the comments fit the way I want my music to be and makes it better I will take them in like a sponge... however if they don't I put them in the recycle bin where they belong and just move on....

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#156202 - 04/09/12 11:19 PM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Paul bright]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4318
Sundance Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4318
Paul,

I'm sorry, I never meant to offend you. I think all songwriters use rhyming dictionaries. I don't know anyone who doesn't own several. Love mine.

I was only trying to help you. I truly apologize if it didn't come across that way. And of course you absorb what you feel applies and disregard what you feel does not. I think we all do that too.

Wishing you all the best.

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#156203 - 04/10/12 01:57 AM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Paul bright]
Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 348
Loc: Long Beach California. United ...
Tim Lawrence Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 348
Loc: Long Beach California. United ...
Paul,

I use two criteria when judging songs I hear on forums like this.

If you're writing this song for just friends and family or people on the Internet then this song is great the way it is.
However if you hope to go further with this song like radio then sorry man but I pretty much agree with what Josie said.
I would also add that the second verse seems allot like the first verse and doesn't really cover any new ground.
And again, the drums for me just seem too busy for this type of song.
Ya know It's harder then ever to get a song picked up by an artist these days.
The first thing they look for is originality in the lyrics.
Writing from the heart is great, but you also need to look at your work objectively.
Good luck with it.

Tim

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#156204 - 04/11/12 10:46 AM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Tim Lawrence]
Registered: 04/11/08
Posts: 58
Adrian Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 04/11/08
Posts: 58
Paul,

Love the arrangement reminds me of the Eagles, was this all done in Band in a Box?

Im really impressed with the way the piano sounds and the excellent vocal work.

Now listening to some of your other tracks, some great production on these tracks.

Kindest Regards

Adrian

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#156205 - 04/11/12 06:20 PM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Adrian]
Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2468
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Rob4580 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2468
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Great clarity and mood.
Nice build up to a powerful song.
Your vocal reminds me a little of Crash Test Dummies.

Think you have a winner here.

Regards Rob

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#156206 - 04/11/12 10:19 PM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Rob4580]
Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
Paul bright Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
The final mix down.. I LISTENED.... even though it was hard... Jose np.. I had to step back.. tim the drums were to busy.... thanks ...

http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_12827440

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#156207 - 04/11/12 10:34 PM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Paul bright]
Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
Paul bright Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
Jose

I know .. I know.. you don't know how hard this song was for me to write.. I read you comments and it was like finger nails on a chalk board... .. I needed a couple days away from it.. . to close .. to personal...

Jose.. I value your thoughts.. because in end those view points make me better.. we are good at least from my side.. again so sorry for taking the defensive track.. you were being honest and to the point.. I just wasn't at the place to really hear it...

Thank you Jose...


Edited by Paul bright (04/11/12 10:35 PM)

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#156208 - 04/11/12 11:48 PM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Paul bright]
Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1667
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
Steve Young Offline
Expert

Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1667
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
Paul,

Nice song. As always, your vocals are very nice. Sounds better with the drums not as busy. I know it is hard to hear even constructive criticism on our songs, sometimes. I know with my songs, they are like my babies! No parent enjoys hearing their children criticized. But like you said, it makes me better to receive constructive input to my music.

I agree with Josie's advice for you. But I certainly understand the emotional drain that you expressed about writing this song. I think you have demonstrated a quality of your character by being so open, and listening. One of the things I really appreciate about our Forum family is the kind-spirited and gracious way people express their opinions.

Thanks for writing this song, and sharing it with us!

Steve
_________________________
Steve Young
Music
"In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else has thought of." - Robert Schumann

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#156209 - 04/12/12 12:10 AM [User Showcase] Re: 6th Song for the Album: Risen for the Ashes: "Remember Me" [Re: Steve Young]
Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
Paul bright Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 11/27/11
Posts: 140
yea hard to step way. thanks . Guys this was a really hard song for me to do.. I loved m y ex-wife .....which this song was about .

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PG Music News
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