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#476589 - 06/07/18 07:24 AM [Songwriting] Your take on the same song -- take 2
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Remember this post in the Off Topic forum?

http://www.pgmusic.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=449070#Post449446

Where HearToLearn began it with...

Originally Posted By: HearToLearn
I'm curious if this has ever been suggested here. Has there ever been an attempt to supply lyrics for a song and have forum members work up their own versions of that song?

To clarify, this would not be a "cover" version of a song. It would be original lyrics to a song that has never had music put to it. From there, we would each take the lyrics and make our personal version of it for all to hear.

It might be fun, if enough people would be up for it. Actually, I think it could be really educational too.

Any thoughts?


A little later in the thread, Joanne Cooper posted some lyrics that caught the imagination of many. As a result, a heap of excellent songs were written.


Somewhere in that post, I promised Joanne that I'd write some lyrics, too, for people to play around with.


Here are those lyrics if anyone is interested in using them to create a song. I don't think these words are as versatile as Joanne's, so I doubt that they'll open quite as many doors of musical possibility as hers did. Hopefully, though, they'll do the job for something.


Please feel free to change anything that you want in any way that you see fit.


(I hope PG Music don't mind but I've posted this in the 'Songwriting' and 'Off Topic' forums.)

=================================

DECIDUOUS LOVE

[Verse]
Lost and lonely autumn leaves
My only friends tonight
We're tumbling headlong down a road going nowhere
Forgetting once we had a happy life

[Pre-chorus]
All alone, where cold winds blow
Don't we deserve a home?

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Lives for summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves when summer is done

[Verse]
I remember back in springtime
The new beginnings were good
Then summer shone and love grew strong as days got longer
I was invincible and self-assured

[Pre-chorus]
But seasons changed, blue turned grey
Then came autumn's blade

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Lives for summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves when summer is done

[Bridge]
Maybe one day
I'm hoping one day
Summer will never go away

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Lives for summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves when summer is done
Always needing summer sun
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#476597 - 06/07/18 07:37 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 06/19/17
Posts: 2694
Loc: Victoria, BC
Ember - PG Music Offline
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Registered: 06/19/17
Posts: 2694
Loc: Victoria, BC
Oh, I'm so excited to see what people end up doing with your lyrics! Watching everyone do the last one was so fun! laugh Can't wait to see what people share.
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#477204 - 06/10/18 08:41 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 01/14/02
Posts: 7887
Loc: Colorado Springs, CO, USA
rockstar_not Online   content
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Noel,

Hopefully this doesn't offend - I have had some melody ringing along to the words, but I have switched up the words somewhat to gain a bit of economy of syllables (to fit the rhythm in my head)

Also, not sure how Deciduous is pronounced in Oz, or if it is a word in common knowledge there.

Might be useful to call out some reference to deciduous trees that are common in Oz. I typed out a verse American deciduous trees. I violated a rhyme scheme in that added verse - at first it kind of jarred but reading through a few times, I decided it could work.

The feeling of your words reminds me of a song by one of my favorite American songwriters, Andrew Osenga. He has a song called 'Kara', which still tears me apart.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl4nhA8dosA


[Verse]
Lost and lonely autumn leaves
My only friends tonight
Tumbling headlong down a nowhere-going road
Was there once a happy life?

[Pre-chorus]
All alone, where cold winds blow
Don't we deserve a home?

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Thrives in summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves when summer is done

[Verse]
Remembering springtime
New beginnings were so good
Summer days grew longer, our love even stronger
Invincible and self-assured

[Pre-chorus]
Seasons change, blue turns grey,
Carries autumn's blade

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Thrives in summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves like leaves as fall comes.

[Bridge]
Maybe one day
I'm hoping one day
Summer will never go away

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Thrives in summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves when summer is done
Always needing summer sun

------------------------------
Aspen, Maple, Ash and Elm,
Change face in midnight cold
Blessing beautiful in red and gold
In a fleeting moment losing hold

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#477207 - 06/10/18 09:09 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: rockstar_not]
Registered: 12/20/16
Posts: 1103
Loc: Gold Coast, Queensland, Austra...
Teunis Offline
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I think the words a beautiful. In fact probably more beautiful than some of our native trees most of which are evergreens (or everbrownish) we have very few native deciduous trees down under.
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#477213 - 06/10/18 10:27 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Hi Scott,

I'm not offended in the least. You've done a great job with the words. I really like your reduction and the flow of syllables in your more economical version.

When I wrote the lyrics, I had a rhythm in my head and I also started some lines so that the first strong beat of the lyric phrase was on beat 2 or beat 3 of a bar. I totally understand that how words and music align is completely governed by how many syllables are possible in a phrase and where the phrase starts musically.

I checked out "DECIDUOUS" at the online Merriam-Webster dictionary (link below) and here in Oz, we pronounce it exactly the same as the audio in that link.


https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/deciduous


I had a listen to "Kara"... it's excellent in every way! Thanks for posting the link. I've never heard it before. I see why it's stayed your memory. Everything about it sits so well and carries the listener along on a well-designed wave of sound and story-telling.


Also....

Feel completely free to do whatever you want with the lyrics -- rewrite, add, subtract, rearrange, etc. I promise that I won't be offended. Quite the opposite in fact, I'm really curious to hear where you'd take them!

All the best,
Noel

P.S. Something that just happened in my head as I was re-reading through your version of words is that the phrase "Dies when summer is done" appeared in my mind as an answer to "Thrives in summer sun". Neither of those phrases ever once occurred to me before. That really brought home to me one of the big strengths in co-writing (which I do very little of).
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#477214 - 06/10/18 10:32 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Teunis]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Originally Posted By: Teunis
I think the words a beautiful. In fact probably more beautiful than some of our native trees most of which are evergreens (or everbrownish) we have very few native deciduous trees down under.


Hi Tony,

Thanks for the vote of confidence. Appreciate it.

I totally agree with you about our trees here. There's not all that much around that stands out as impressive... I like the term everbrownish!!! (so true)

I lived in Tasmania for a while and I think that all the deciduous trees there were originally imported from Europe. We certainly have nothing to compare to the amazing autumnal look that happens in the New England area in the US.

Regards,
Noel
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#477298 - 06/11/18 02:50 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 08/04/10
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HearToLearn Offline
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Hey Noel. So very cool of you to run with this. If I wasn't so buried with work and a several projects, I would be all over it.

I'm excited to hear what comes from this. I thought the last one was so fun and brought the forum together in a unique way.

Are you going to release your version of what you had in mind when you wrote the lyrics after the other people have posted theirs? I really found it interesting to hear how JC had things in her mind verses what we came up with.

Great stuff! I'm VERY exited for this. smile
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As people have left the "." out so many times, "Caaron" has become the norm of it. Still said as the "." was there though. smile


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#477352 - 06/11/18 07:55 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Caaron,

I hope the words inspire someone to come up with something! Time will tell, I guess. Joanne's lyrics were very versatile and I found them a hard act to follow.

I'm presently working on a melody and then I'll move on to production. Hopefully I'll get it all together to post something in two or three weeks.

Thanks for coming up with the original idea!

All the best,
Noel
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#477953 - 06/16/18 12:26 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 05/11/15
Posts: 2279
Loc: Aichi, Japan
animarorecords Offline
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Hello, Noel

Really beautiful and sorrowful lyrics.
They deeply touched into my heart.
I am sure that I would like to add music on them because I met such wonderful lyrics.
I was greatly inspired by them.

I'm also presently working on a melody and then I'll move on to production.
Probably I'll be able to post it in a week or two.
No words will be changed.
I and my friends are not good at singing in English, so I think that will probably be posted with English Vocaloid.

All the best,
Shigeki Adachi

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#478293 - 06/18/18 05:21 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: animarorecords]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Posts: 17612
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Originally Posted By: animarorecords
Hello, Noel

Really beautiful and sorrowful lyrics.
They deeply touched into my heart.
I am sure that I would like to add music on them because I met such wonderful lyrics.
I was greatly inspired by them.

I'm also presently working on a melody and then I'll move on to production.
Probably I'll be able to post it in a week or two.
No words will be changed.
I and my friends are not good at singing in English, so I think that will probably be posted with English Vocaloid.

All the best,
Shigeki Adachi


Hi Shigeki Adachi!

I'm really looking forward to hearing what you come up with. I have never had a vocaloid sing one of my songs before. I'm excited!

Regards,
Noel
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#478298 - 06/18/18 05:41 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Loc: Australia
Just in case anyone is interested...

Once I've written lyrics, one of the things that I like to do is to try them out in different perspectives.

Here are a couple of perspectives that I tried with the "Deciduous Love". I've adjusted some of the words so that they make a bit more sense.


DECIDUOUS LOVE

THIRD PERSON NARRATIVE

[Verse]
Lost and lonely autumn leaves
His/her only friends tonight
They're tumbling headlong down a road going nowhere
Forgetting once they had a happy life

[Pre-chorus]
All alone, where cold winds blow
Don't they deserve a home?

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Lives for summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves when summer is done

[Verse]
He/she remembers back in springtime
His/her life was looking good
When summer shone and love grew strong as days got longer
He/she was invincible and self-assured

[Pre-chorus]
But seasons changed, blue turned grey
Then came autumn's blade

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Lives for summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves when summer is done

[Bridge]
Maybe one day
He's/she's hoping one day
Summer will never go away

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Lives for summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves when summer is done
Always needing summer sun

= = = = = = =

SECOND PERSON NARRATIVE

[Verse]
Lost and lonely autumn leaves
Your only friends tonight
They're tumbling headlong down a road going nowhere
Forgetting once they had a happy life

[Pre-chorus]
All alone, where cold winds blow
Don't they deserve a home?

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Lives for summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves when summer is done

[Verse]
You remember back in springtime
Your life was looking good
When summer shone and love grew strong as days got longer
You were invincible and self-assured

[Pre-chorus]
But seasons changed, blue turned grey
Then came autumn's blade

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Lives for summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves when summer is done

[Bridge]
Maybe one day
You're hoping one day
Summer will never go away

[Chorus]
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Lives for summer sun
Deciduous love
Deciduous love
Leaves when summer is done
Always needing summer sun
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#478316 - 06/18/18 07:28 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 05/11/15
Posts: 2279
Loc: Aichi, Japan
animarorecords Offline
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Registered: 05/11/15
Posts: 2279
Loc: Aichi, Japan
Noel,

I just posted my version of "DECIDUOUS LOVE" to the User Showcase.
http://www.pgmusic.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=478315&#Post478315

All the best,
Shigeki Adachi

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#478338 - 06/19/18 05:33 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: animarorecords]
Registered: 08/29/14
Posts: 5842
Loc: North Carolina
David Snyder Offline
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Registered: 08/29/14
Posts: 5842
Loc: North Carolina
Great job Shigeki,

I posted mine too.

smile
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#478740 - 06/21/18 10:34 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 05/04/18
Posts: 63
C. Dan Roberts Offline
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Registered: 05/04/18
Posts: 63
I think Eddie's instrumental "Country Moods" would go good with "Deciduous Love". Good Hammond sounds on this tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAitz-ezZNU
C.Dan

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#478778 - 06/21/18 02:00 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: C. Dan Roberts]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Originally Posted By: C. Dan Roberts
I think Eddie's instrumental "Country Moods" would go good with "Deciduous Love". Good Hammond sounds on this tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAitz-ezZNU
C.Dan


Dan,

I totally agree with you. Eddie's instrumental is a great fit. I'm sitting here singing the words as I'm listening. Love it!

If you'd to try re-creating the backing and putting together your take on my lyrics, there's a couple of things that I can do to help if you want me to.

1. I'm happy to put together a chordsheet based on Eddie's work, and one that fits my lyrics, and send it across to you.

2. I can also send an audio of me speaking the words against the drum track to show you how I hear them fitting into the bars if that would be of any use to you.

While the above may or may not be useful, they might provide somewhere to start.

Do you want to give it a shot?

Regards,
Noel
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#478803 - 06/21/18 05:21 PM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 05/04/18
Posts: 63
C. Dan Roberts Offline
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Registered: 05/04/18
Posts: 63
Hey Noel, It is a good fit.. I wouldn't mind giving it a shot. I love new adventures and challenges. It seems like it would make a nice tune. See what you can come up with and I could give it a try.
C.Dan

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#478964 - 06/23/18 05:34 AM [Songwriting] Re: Your take on the same song -- take 2 [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17612
Loc: Australia
Dan,

I've sent you a private message with a download link for an MGU file and an audio file.

Hope it gives you some inspiration!
Noel
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