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#479367 06/25/18 06:51 PM
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Hi, all:

Here's my third effort that already reflects input from some very kind BIAB veterans. Hope you enjoy the listen. Thanks in advance for any feedback and suggestions--I'm still learning.

Here's what I used for the most part:

Real Tracks 388 Bass Electric, Metal
Real Track 384 Guitar, Rhythm Rock Southern
Real Track 511 Guitar Soloist Dire
Real Drums Nashville Even 8^6
Acoustic Guitar: Yours truly

There's also a piano track in there, but can't quite pull up what I used (BBpiano__single render?)

Everyone Says

You belong right here, right next to me.
You were wrong, my dear, to ever leave.
You know I never meant to hurt you that way,
Now you're gone but you’re coming back someday.

’Cause everyone says
you’re just a little bitten;
everyone says, you’re twice shy;
everyone says, our love’s been ever written
in the stars and spelled across the skies.

Seems you took off love when we’d just begun.
Can’t we both concede the mistakes of the young?
Let regrets roll off both our shoulders;
we were kids but now we’re older.

And everyone says
your just a little kitten;
everyone says, you need time;
everyone says, that girl I’m on a mission;
your sweet love is all that I desire.

All our friends know us so much better,
and they all say we should stay together.
Don’t you think true love is worth a try?

You know I never meant to hurt you that way,
but you’ll be back, it’s all that they all say.

Yeah, everyone says
you’re just a little bitten;
everyone says, you’re twice shy;
everyone says, it’s obvious you’re smitten.
Destiny is on our side;
I just don’t see why you try and fight it.
Just can’t believe that this could be goodbye.

(c)2018 DJ Lekich

Deej56 #479380 06/25/18 10:10 PM
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DJ,

Great song and mix. Very strong vocal.

Nice!

Bob

Deej56 #479384 06/26/18 01:47 AM
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I love this one man. Real catchy.



Regards,


Bob

Deej56 #479387 06/26/18 02:18 AM
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Deej,

This sounds terrific. You've come a long way in a short amount of time!

Excellent song. Super catchy! A strong pop write - not always an easy thing to do...

The instrumentation is excellent. Good mix.

KILLER vocal! A pair of high harmonies panned left and right would send this to the stratosphere! I don't know many who can sing that high (that the harmony would require), but you can obviously do falsetto well and that would work...

This is an excellent listen.

fj

Deej56 #479399 06/26/18 03:20 AM
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This is an excellent song. Well done. Super vocal and lyric. Loved the backtrack.... Got a bit of a Keith Urban vibe.


Scott Collingwood
https://soundcloud.com/scottt709
https://soundcloud.com/spiritlevel-ca
https://www.youtube.com/@SpiritLevel-ge3hm/
Deej56 #479400 06/26/18 03:25 AM
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Really well done, DJ! Really strong display of songwriting on this one. I love the progressions, and the way the guitar dances in between the vocals in the verses. Really strong vocal performance on this one too, and the hook is perfectly catchy.

Nice work on this one, thanks for sharing smile


Cheers,
Deryk
Deej56 #479417 06/26/18 05:35 AM
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I really loved this song! Especially the part:

"’Cause everyone says
you’re just a little bitten;
everyone says, you’re twice shy;
everyone says, our love’s been ever written
in the stars and spelled across the skies."


Really great job! Very refined. Thanks for sharing.


Cheers,
Ember
Deej56 #479444 06/26/18 08:20 AM
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Ember picked our favorite lines...

Great vocal man...really strong and well supports the lyric.

The guitar solo also works well.

You've got it going...everything seems to be hittin' the note!

Enjoyed it!

J&B

Deej56 #479483 06/26/18 01:21 PM
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Hi Deej56 thanks for sharing this, I really enjoyed the progression and harmonies involved! Great choice of instruments too. Awesome vocals and effects on it too!


Cheers,
Joe
Deej56 #479600 06/27/18 11:42 AM
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Very catchy song and your vocal is a standout as many have said.
I like Floyd`s harmonies idea and it sounds like you have the range to reach them!
Well done.

Robert

Deej56 #479611 06/27/18 12:54 PM
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DJ, you have a great voice.

This is really good but the fact that it is only your third effort makes it all that much better. You have come a long way in a very short time.

Your instrumentation, chord progression, backing tracks, and mix are also very good.


There is a new wine for seniors. It's made from an anti-diuretic hybrid grape and reduces the number of trips to the bathroom. It's called Pino More!

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Deej56 #479652 06/27/18 07:30 PM
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Nice pop song. Solid write, with pairings like "You belong/You were wrong". Good work hammering in the hook.

Well sung, good arrangement. Plus, it's memorable. Good job!

My only criticism would be the contents lyrics themselves - the singer's got a bit of a stalker vibe:

You belong right here, right next to me.
You were wrong, my dear, to ever leave.
You know I never meant to hurt you that way.
Just can’t believe that this could be goodbye.


Then again, safe people with milquetoast emotions make for boring songs. laugh


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
Deej56 #479683 06/28/18 01:41 AM
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Several things stick out to me....

Excellent job on the write.... loved the song.

Excellent, if not one of the best vocals on this forum. Well done.

Pretty much loved this song.

The guitar fills were the fly in the ointment for me. It sounded like the style of the RT didn't quite mesh with the tempo. Try a few different real tracks and don't be afraid to render them several times to get the part you need that fits. One of my songs.... The Best Christmas, has a solo that was rendered 5 times and I used my DAW to comp those tracks into one via volume envelopes. Other than that.... this was stellar.


You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com

Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.

You can make excuses or you can make progress but you can't do both.
Deej56 #479749 06/28/18 08:10 AM
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Wow what a fabulous vocal! Totally enjoyed.

Deej56 #479755 06/28/18 08:26 AM
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Excellent sound all round ooops im a poet and I don't even noet.

Will be getting pulled up for my grammar, yea I heard Smokie sound going on with this song i.e. Boulevard of broken dreams.


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https://beatmaster1.bandcamp.com/releases

Deej56 #479761 06/28/18 08:39 AM
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Deej,

This is fantastic!!! Kudos to you and a brilliant creation and equally brilliant presentation.

In phrase... first class music!

All the best,
Noel


MY SONGS...
Audiophile BIAB 2024
Deej56 #479809 06/28/18 12:58 PM
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Deej,

Yeah this is a great song, and you killed the vocal.

Good mix too. Loved it.

Deej56 #479835 06/28/18 07:08 PM
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Hello, Deej

Very strong vocal!
Your shouting vocals are truly amazing.
I like your singing style.
Overall it is a song reminiscent of the 60's, but I think that various ideas of chord progression are accepted in places and they are wonderful.
Enjoyed my listen a lot.

Best regards.

Shigeki Adachi

Deej56 #479875 06/29/18 03:48 AM
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Bob (rsdeon), Bob (90 dB), Floyd, Scott, Deryk, Ember, Janice & Bud, Joe, Robert, Mario, David, Josie, Beatmaster, Noel, David and Shigeki:

Thanks to you all for stopping in and giving this tune a listen. I appreciate your kind feedback and the great support. The final product was really helped by some great advice from Floyd and Bud—so an extra thank you to them both. Glad it was worth the spin!

Floyd and Robert, regarding the harmonies: Lordy, a pair of high harmonies, huh? Umm . . . yeah, might need a little help on that one, LOL. laugh The falsetto on this one works OK, but trust me, it’s not something I do well (but, boy, I envy those that can). Anyway, I’ll give it some thought and maybe even a try (provided there’s no one within a few miles range to hear me!)

Best regards to you all:

Deej

dcuny #479876 06/29/18 03:52 AM
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David (dcuny),

Thanks for giving this one a listen and for the feedback. I get what you’re saying regarding the lyrics, though the vibe is intentional. In that sense, the lyrics somewhat belie the sound of the song; that is, I could have made this more conventional—but then it wouldn’t have interested me to write it. It’s not a “sweet” song; the guy’s a little angry, a little full of himself, and the fact he thinks they should get back together just because everyone says so, says a lot about him.

In some ways, this is a similar vibe to my last song “Sweet Lorelie,” which i think also has a "stalker vibe", though the singer there comes off more innocent. I wrote these two pretty close together, thus I think the similar subtext.

BTW, neither is written from personal experience—I am not, nor have I ever been, a stalker. smirk

Appreciate the thoughtful comments.

All the best,

Deej

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