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Really pretty song Janne!! Very melodic....just flows so nicely! I think your choice of tracks and your mix are excellent! I too have had that feeling, not sure if something is mine, or "borrowed". This is really great stuff!! Take care. Greg Thanks Greg, I appreciate another kind feedback from you  With the starting melody (just 2-4 bars), I deliberately tried to mimic mr. Frame's melody, chording and arrangement style. Sometimes it's good to know your source of inspiration. And in this case I hope I didn't actually plagiarize anything... Janne
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Janne,
I like upbeat pop songs that avoid cliche`s ( Mr Frame was a good inspiration, I`m glad you mentioned his songs!).
You have a good chorus melody with and an arrangement that captures the feel of guitar driven pop.Not preachy to me.
I agree the vocals could be brought up in the mix.
You asked for feedback;there are a few phrases that sound a little awkward:
please take my suggestions on this verse with a grain of salt- I don`t take kindly to people messing with my lyrics!
You may be keen to judge
to swing your sword of justness
(justice)
you may look for smudge
(look to smudge/look for a smudge)
reasons to oppress
but might's not set to misapply
(your might`s misapplied)
first take the timber out of your eye.
Robert Thanks Robert, I truly appreciate your kind words and valuable feedback  As a non-native English speaker I'm more than happy and grateful to receive correction for my awkward English, it's difficult to notice many simple things, especially when I have looked the same lyrics for many months, sort of word fatigue. Like with the "misapply" case, I think I was trying to say "set to be misapplied"... but that has too many words, so I'm now trying to simplify the sentence: "might is wisdom when applied…", I hope that is not so awkward. I thought justness is a synonym for justice, at least I couldn't find any real difference for those words via net... but to solve the rhyming dilemma with justice, I'm trying my luck with "sword of virtue" (and rhyming with verb subdue - not a perfect rhyme but enough for me), I think that fits better also because justice is very close to judge, which I have already used. Originally I was thinking righteousness, but it has too many syllables. Janne
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Nothing to add to the good advice above. Enjoyable song & melody especially the chorus.
Peter Thanks Peter for enjoying and commenting Janne
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I agree with the comments about the vocals being buried sometimes.
But a good sound and arrangement, chorus is especially strong.
Thanks Dave for your kind feedback, gives me to courage to continue on this musical path Janne
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Great work on this Janne, I really enjoyed the overall tone of this. I found this very easy to listen and I really dug the chord progression. Fantastic work on the vocals. Keep it up! Thanks Joe, I appreciate your positive feedback Janne
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Janne, you have lots of cool things happening with the chords and melody here, especially in the chorus! My favorite part is the little turn around between the chorus and the verse, you are using a combination of realtracks there that I haven't heard together before and they work very well! Thanks, Torrey
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"but shed your wounds and purge your heart
then build your castle from timeless parts."
Love those lines. There's a lot packed in there to ponder.
Well done and as mentioned the chorus is very strong.
We enjoyed it...and the backstory!
J&B
Thanks Janice and Bud for your nice comment I'm glad you liked those lines, now I know that at least they don't need to be re-written  Janne
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Janne,
Good arrangement and interesting lyrics!
I agree with most that vocals hiding a bit, but that might be also related to: You sing with soft voice, but your arrangement has some harsh instruments (guitars! + strong rhythm track). If I had it "my way" I would either try to sing it more "aggressively" or change out instruments that are aggressive to softer versions.
Thank you for sharing.
Misha.
Thanks Misha for your valuable comment Yes, it is a dilemma that the song has aggressive Instruments (by design) but my voice is soft. I can't yet sing aggressively, hopefully I'll reach that level some day It seems that if I mix my voice louder, I get feedback that it is too loud, so this is bit walking on a rope. Next time I'll try to mix my vocals as loud as possible  Janne
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I've been really enjoying a lot of the lyrics folks have been posting up lately, and the songs that go with them and listening to the finished pieces have made me like them even more. Really great stuff, thanks for sharing this with us. Thanks Ember for your kind comment I agree, great stuff on this forum, just because we are using such an inspirational tool called BIAB! Janne
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I felt like this was the best thing I've heard from you, very accessible and stayed with me in a good way. Looking forward to more like this. Thanks for your positive words I hope that I'm able to write something similar in the future Janne
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well, what should I say..? A great song all the way. Very appealing lyrics with a message, a good melody and I LOVE the backing track. I'd agree what has been said about the vocal volume, but after all that doesn't devaluate this great song at all. Very good work, I enjoyed listening (and reading) a lot.
Take vare,
Stefan Thanks Stefan, I appreciate your very kind words, especially concerning the lyrics Janne
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Janne, you have lots of cool things happening with the chords and melody here, especially in the chorus! My favorite part is the little turn around between the chorus and the verse, you are using a combination of realtracks there that I haven't heard together before and they work very well! Thanks, Torrey Thanks Torrey, it is always very nice to read your kind comment I used the baritone guitars in the intro, because it felt lacking something without them, but using them only in the intro didn't feel satisfying, so I used one of them also in those intermediate parts after chorus and in the ending. I'm glad you liked those part, so my choice was not that bad. Janne
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