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#554668 - 09/13/19 06:05 PM [User Showcase] Unseen Unknown Unheard
Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2472
Robertkc Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2472
Can a song be too personal? I`m not often a fan of highly confessional songs( everybody hurts!)and have left the subject of this one aside for so long that my power to help of influence the person who suffered has probably passed... and all I can do is write a song.
If you listen and have constructive comments,they are most welcome.

Unseen Unknown Unheard

Style is _HOMESIK.STY (Homesick Soft Pop Serenade)

RealTracks in style: ~2474:Bass, Acoustic, Held Ev 085
RealTracks in song: 2461:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm NewAgeAlbertiPretty Ev 100
RealTracks in style: 3059:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm Muted16thsFintan Ev16 080
RealTracks in song: 2336:Viola, Background, Pop Ev 085 (1TrackStringSection)
RealTracks in song: 2338:Violin, Background, PopLow Ev 085 (1TrackStringSection)
RealTracks in song: 1856:Cello, Background PopCountry Ev 085
RealDrums [in style:CongasEv16[single] [Multi]



Unseen Unknown Unheard


wanting to be seen
my lord made jewels green
to live in your eyes

carry silence with you
like a backpack
like those birds out the window
at school

one day turning cartwheels
then holding your breath
seeing faces from the bottom
of a pool

we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand

games behind closed doors
the cost to keep mum
on the tip of your tongue
like a brand

you slip through the seam
between worlds
unseen unknown
unheard

needing to be known
the heart outgrows bone
beats beyond your walls

he sent a singing postcard
playing we`ll meet again
in the fort we made
to be safe

there`s a ghost at the table
girl without edges
where is my sister
you replaced

slip back through the seam
between worlds
be seen be known
be heard

longing to be heard
the beginnings of words
no secret can contain
no secret can contain


© Robert Cordrey Aug. 2019

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#554679 - 09/13/19 07:19 PM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 1591
Rustyspoon# Offline
Expert

Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 1591
Robert,
Very unusual tune. Poetry is haunting-beautiful. Intricate phrasing.
Hand drums work very well on this. Production is A+ Enjoyed this a lot.

Thank you for sharing!

Misha.

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#554696 - 09/13/19 10:56 PM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 3398
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
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Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 3398
Loc: Sacramento, California
Constructive criticism? I can't think of anything to criticize here.

As Misha noted, it's an unusual tune, more poetry set to music. You've got a unique voice in terms of how you approach songs, and this is no exception.

Well mixed, musically interested, expressive, emotional singing.

In terms of being too personal, well... I suspect that's meant more an explanation of the song than an question.

But yes - some songs can be way too personal. Thanks for the heads up.

And thanks for posting!
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

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#554741 - 09/14/19 06:35 AM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 7975
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 7975
Loc: Florida
Robert,

Terrific opening. The a cappella vocal resolving into the quartet-style strings - so nice!

The combination of the muted acoustic and the newage piano is super (you've used many of my favorite RTs in this!).

Your vocal is perfect....an as-good-as-it-gets performance. Perfectly mixed.
The whole mix is excellent. Everything about this is top-notch.

A STUNNING write. Absolutely broke my heart. Start to finish quote-worthy.
(a career-defining type write.)

A real WOW.

fj

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#554746 - 09/14/19 07:15 AM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 08/09/10
Posts: 4327
Loc: Woodstock, NY
rsdean Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/09/10
Posts: 4327
Loc: Woodstock, NY
Robert,

An absolutely stunning piece...

"we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand"

Wow - no words to describe how much I love this one.

Bob
_________________________
SoundCloud Tracks


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#554774 - 09/14/19 10:36 AM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3015
Deryk - PG Music Offline
PG Music Staff

Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3015
Wow - what unique and attention-grabbing tune! It has an almost psychedelic feel to it - your lyrics and vocals on this are haunting too, and it sets a really spectacular mood.

Thanks for sharing smile
_________________________
Cheers,
Deryk

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#554839 - 09/14/19 05:51 PM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2472
Robertkc Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2472
Originally Posted By: Rustyspoon#
Robert,
Very unusual tune. Poetry is haunting-beautiful. Intricate phrasing.
Hand drums work very well on this. Production is A+ Enjoyed this a lot.

Thank you for sharing!

Misha.


I appreciate that, Misha.

Originally Posted By: dcuny
Constructive criticism? I can't think of anything to criticize here.

As Misha noted, it's an unusual tune, more poetry set to music. You've got a unique voice in terms of how you approach songs, and this is no exception.

Well mixed, musically interested, expressive, emotional singing.

In terms of being too personal, well... I suspect that's meant more an explanation of the song than an question.

But yes - some songs can be way too personal. Thanks for the heads up.

And thanks for posting!


Thanks for the positive comments, particularly on the vocals.
My intro comments probably reflect a hesitance about posting this one-closet skeletons and all that.

Originally Posted By: floyd jane
Robert,

Terrific opening. The a cappella vocal resolving into the quartet-style strings - so nice!

The combination of the muted acoustic and the newage piano is super (you've used many of my favorite RTs in this!).

Your vocal is perfect....an as-good-as-it-gets performance. Perfectly mixed.
The whole mix is excellent. Everything about this is top-notch.

A STUNNING write. Absolutely broke my heart. Start to finish quote-worthy.
(a career-defining type write.)

A real WOW.

fj


Floyd,
I`m pleased you liked the acappella opening- it was a late choice to believe the harmonies were good enough.
Getting the percussive guitar a little under the pretty piano seemed to do the trick.
Your comments are so supportive- I can`t thank you enough for the careful listening and sensitivity behind your reviews.

Robert

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#554875 - 09/14/19 11:30 PM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 16353
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 16353
Loc: Australia
Robert,

Like floyd, I really enjoyed the vocal introduction that led into the instruments. One needs lots of confidence to do that and you did it very well.

I'm not sure that I fully understood the lyrics but the below verses were very haunting and they caused me much reflection.

Quote:
we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand

games behind closed doors
the cost to keep mum
on the tip of your tongue
like a brand

I honestly don't know what to say nor how to say it. Given the sense of gravitas that I feel from these lyrics, I sincerely hope that time has helped with healing.

The style, your singing and your arrangement were excellent choices to carry this story.

Regards,
Noel
_________________________
LINKS TO MY BIAB/RB SONGS


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#554878 - 09/15/19 01:25 AM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 3008
Loc: Ontario, Canada
BlueAttitude Offline
Veteran

Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 3008
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Love your vocal in this one, Robert, so fragile and delicate.

I found the lyrics to be disturbing to be honest, but they certainly held my attention! Very well written indeed.

Good song!
_________________________
Dave

Blue Attitude Website

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#554888 - 09/15/19 04:45 AM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 4753
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Scott C Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 4753
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Wow Robert very emotional song. The backtrack was perfect for the song. Such a powerful lyric and awesome vocal. Well done.
_________________________
Scott Collingwood
https://soundcloud.com/scottt709

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#554908 - 09/15/19 06:05 AM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 02/03/16
Posts: 1115
Loc: Germany
Crossroads Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/03/16
Posts: 1115
Loc: Germany
Hi Rob,

I have to pick up your song title to describe what I feel )lyrics like these UNSEEN before, a song like this UNHEARD before. It's really unusual in all aspects. Unusual in the sense of marvellous that is.

The way you sing it made got me some goose bumps - it's so soft and ... hm ... vulnerable.

An excellent piece from A to Z.

All the best,

Stefan

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#554984 - 09/15/19 02:01 PM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 8563
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 8563
Loc: GA USA
"there`s a ghost at the table
girl without edges
where is my sister
you replaced "

That's a "run off the road" two lines if one were driving while listening....incredibly powerful.

And the lyric is outstanding all the way through. Zero filler.

The vocals are amongst your best...Stefan has the word, "vulnerable."

It would be hard to imagine a better arrangement, band or mix to support this write.

It's all been already stated more eloquently than we are capable...

Amazing.

J&B








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#555004 - 09/15/19 06:37 PM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2472
Robertkc Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2472
Originally Posted By: rsdean
Robert,

An absolutely stunning piece...

"we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand"

Wow - no words to describe how much I love this one.

Bob



I very much appreciate that, Bob...makes the choice to share so worth while.

Originally Posted By: Deryk - PG Music
Wow - what unique and attention-grabbing tune! It has an almost psychedelic feel to it - your lyrics and vocals on this are haunting too, and it sets a really spectacular mood.

Thanks for sharing smile


Deryk,
Thanks for all your listens and positive comments.

Originally Posted By: Noel96
Robert,

Like floyd, I really enjoyed the vocal introduction that led into the instruments. One needs lots of confidence to do that and you did it very well.

I'm not sure that I fully understood the lyrics but the below verses were very haunting and they caused me much reflection.

Quote:
we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand

games behind closed doors
the cost to keep mum
on the tip of your tongue
like a brand

I honestly don't know what to say nor how to say it. Given the sense of gravitas that I feel from these lyrics, I sincerely hope that time has helped with healing.

The style, your singing and your arrangement were excellent choices to carry this story.

Regards,
Noel


Noel,
I set a few inner ground rules for writing the lyrics:
-make it clear the song is about the sexual abuse of a child, without using gratuitous detail.
-write both from the child`s point of view and the adult, believing there is healing to be found.
-its unlikely my sister will hear the song, but if she does, have I written a message of love and support?
The responses from the generous listeners here make me I hope I succeeded in some way.
Thanks for your kind comments.

Robert
-

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#555021 - 09/15/19 11:48 PM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 05/12/12
Posts: 2579
Loc: South Africa
JoanneCooper Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 05/12/12
Posts: 2579
Loc: South Africa
Hi Robert

I dont think you can be too personal. That is what makes songwriting great and deeply fulfilling.

Loved the line "seeing faces from the bottom of a pool"

A fantastic write all round.

Well done.

J

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#555027 - 09/16/19 12:21 AM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 3417
Loc: Sydney Australia
PeterF Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 3417
Loc: Sydney Australia
Robert

A very emotional sad write and beautifully performed.
As floyd said a great mix and vocal.

One of your absolute best.

Peter

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#555144 - 09/17/19 02:30 AM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 1930
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
rayc Offline
Expert

Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 1930
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
Robert,
I like it and the imagery/impressions it gave BUT the 1st stanza, to my eyes and ears, doesn't seem to belong. Well, the "my lord" bit anyway.
Impressionistic/picture painting/cinematic all fit the vibe and arrangement.
Cool stuff.
_________________________
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
Pop on over to The Recording Rebels for positive, honest commentary, critiques and support. https://therecordingrebels.com

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#555186 - 09/17/19 11:02 AM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 1809
Loc: Finland
jannesan Offline
Expert

Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 1809
Loc: Finland
Hauntingly tangible poetry. Your singing is really emotional. I like the piano playing its own dark melancholy. Excellent use of string instruments.

Janne

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#555257 - 09/17/19 06:02 PM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Crossroads]
Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2472
Robertkc Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2472
Originally Posted By: BlueAttitude
Love your vocal in this one, Robert, so fragile and delicate.

I found the lyrics to be disturbing to be honest, but they certainly held my attention! Very well written indeed.

Good song!


Dave,
Thanks for your listen and the endorsement of the vocal- its not easy to balance feeling and good technique sometimes.
I think if folks don`t find the subject and lyrics at least uncomfortable in places I wouldn`t have succeeded, though I understand how this song could be outside the bounds for some.

Originally Posted By: Scott C
Wow Robert very emotional song. The backtrack was perfect for the song. Such a powerful lyric and awesome vocal. Well done.


Scott,
Thank you-actually double-thanks because diving in to our next collaboration has helped me move on from this song.

Originally Posted By: Crossroads
Hi Rob,

I have to pick up your song title to describe what I feel )lyrics like these UNSEEN before, a song like this UNHEARD before. It's really unusual in all aspects. Unusual in the sense of marvellous that is.

The way you sing it made got me some goose bumps - it's so soft and ... hm ... vulnerable.

An excellent piece from A to Z.

All the best,

Stefan


That`s a cool review- thank you!

Robert

Top
#555300 - 09/18/19 04:57 AM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 08/21/18
Posts: 905
Tangmo Offline
Expert

Registered: 08/21/18
Posts: 905
"...and all I can do is write a song."

Lovely little band you've put together here. JUST enough to support. I'm quite stunned by the delicacy of the lyric (framed by your fragile vocal and rhythmic phrasing). I not only think this is the best lyric I've heard from you, but it may well be the best lyric of it's type I've heard anywhere.

Any time.

Ever.

That's all.
_________________________
BIAB 2019 Audiophile. Windows 10. Former user of old version. Prefer creating while learning over learning before creating. Passable, intermediate level acoustic rhythm guitar player. Songwriter, lyricist, composer loving all styles.

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#555328 - 09/18/19 07:30 AM [User Showcase] Re: Unseen Unknown Unheard [Re: Robertkc]
Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 3845
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
dani48 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 3845
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
Hi, Robert !

How original isn´t your most lovely
tune ! Evoking a lot of emotions
really ! Congrats !


Cheers
Dani

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