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#593270 - 04/20/20 07:18 PM [User Showcase] Girl with Dark Sunglasses
Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 1432
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
Deej56 Online   content
Expert

Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 1432
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
Hi, all:

Here's a second collaboration with Carroll Kiphen, who wrote the lyrics that jump-started this little rocker. I hope it's worth the listen. Feedback is, as always, both appreciated and usually needed. smile Thanks in advance to all of you. Stay healthy and safe.

Deej

Here's the song:

GIRL WITH DARK SUNGLASSES

Here are the lyrics:

When she removes her shades I can see
the fear in her blue eyes.
She’s so afraid for the world to see
she’s a frightened girl inside.

She looks cool and calm and in control—
little does anyone know that
behind those shades, she’s so afraid
her desperation shows.

The girl with dark sun glasses
looks like a movie star.
The girl with the dark sunglasses—
no one knows who you are.

At night behind closed doors she wages
a war she cannot win.
She struggles in vain, and it’s such a shame—
She won’t let love back in.

She looks cool and calm and in control—
little does anyone know that
behind those shades, she’s so afraid
Her desperation shows.

The girl with dark sun glasses
looks like a movie star.
The girl with the dark sunglasses—
no one knows who you are.

And her beauty’s betrayed her;
her fame has caged her;
she’s walked her time upon the stage.
Yes, her beauty’s betrayed her;
fame has aged her—
She hides behind dark shades.

She looks cool and calm and in control—
little does anyone know that
behind those shades, she’s so afraid
Her desperation shows.

The girl with dark sun glasses
looks like a movie star.
The girl with the dark sunglasses—
no one knows who you are.

And here is the band:

RealTracks: 1025:Guitar, Electric, Strumming CleanOpen Ev 120
RealTracks: 2643:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm ModernPopHardHighMurray Ev16 075
RealTracks: 2644:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm ModernPopHardMurray Ev16 075
RealTracks: 2586:Guitar, Electric, Soloist PunkMurray Ev 165
RealTracks: 2591:Bass, Electric, RockPicked8ths Ev 165
RealTracks: 1276:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm PopUpliftPulsing Ev16 120
RealTracks: 686 Organ, B3, Background Pop
RealDrums: RockHardModernEv8^1-a:Snare, HiHat , b:4 beat Snare, HiHat

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#593282 - 04/20/20 08:56 PM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 2033
Loc: Maryland
TuneMonger Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 2033
Loc: Maryland
Great rocker, great hook, great singing. The bridge really intrigued me, I think many of us tend to phone in the bridge, (I know I do) but this bridge was interesting musically. A great one here!
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#593298 - 04/21/20 04:32 AM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 4874
Loc: Cooran Queensland Australia
rayc Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 4874
Loc: Cooran Queensland Australia
Cool Deej.
Vocally the verses seem louder than the 1st chorus at least.
there's quite a bit of sibilant noise in there - could be the reverb accentuating it.
The bridge melody is cool.
This works well as a rocker but I can hear a country rock song in there via your cadences and other bits of melody - as well as the cautionary tale aspects.
Top stuff.
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rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe

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#593302 - 04/21/20 04:44 AM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 09/30/16
Posts: 1767
Loc: Netherlands, Haarlem
Birchwood Offline
Expert

Registered: 09/30/16
Posts: 1767
Loc: Netherlands, Haarlem
Hey Deej, that is a very cool song you made here!
Good lyrics and very well sung (however, that's allways the case with you and your songs)!
But I have to admit Ray has some good point about the volume and sibilance.
Despite that, it is a lovely song to listen to.

Hans
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#593314 - 04/21/20 05:51 AM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 4512
Loc: Ontario, Canada
BlueAttitude Offline
Veteran

Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 4512
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Yeah, I like this.

Good writing, strong, memorable chorus, and a great bridge! And of course I'm a fan of your vocals, always.

Good song, enjoyed.

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#593319 - 04/21/20 06:17 AM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 05/27/19
Posts: 2233
Loc: Dallas, PA, USA
BabuMusic Offline
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Registered: 05/27/19
Posts: 2233
Loc: Dallas, PA, USA
Great lyrics to jump start this rocker. Well done both of you. Very creative Bridge, Deej, and the harmony in the chorus puts this right on the top shelf. Man, there's a lot of instruments crying for attention. Very enjoyable song!!
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Me on SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/marty-straub

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using Band in a Box, Reaper, Cakewalk, Ozone 10

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#593338 - 04/21/20 07:25 AM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 12/26/11
Posts: 2474
F.M.M. Offline
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Registered: 12/26/11
Posts: 2474
hi deej56 really great tune very enjoyable sounds great on my system thanks Eric
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#593407 - 04/21/20 12:57 PM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 10/02/19
Posts: 294
Loc: Aberdeen, NC
Bawb Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 10/02/19
Posts: 294
Loc: Aberdeen, NC
This has such a cool sound! A little like I fought the law and the law won rhythm thing going on.
Excellent vocals and lyrics.

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#593450 - 04/21/20 05:37 PM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 07/11/15
Posts: 4689
Loc: United States
Torrey Bliss Offline
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Registered: 07/11/15
Posts: 4689
Loc: United States
Beautiful work Deej! Your vocals on this really shine! This chorus on this is really catchy but the bridge makes the song for me with the shift to minor lead in chords! Definitely my favorite of yours! Thanks, Torrey
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#593457 - 04/21/20 05:59 PM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 4093
Rustyspoon# Offline
Veteran

Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 4093
Deej @ Carroll,
Really cool soft punk(?) tune! Solid stuff in all respects. Choruses are outstanding! Liked it a lot. Vocals are excellent, and I do wish they were a little more on the top of the mix smile
Powerful collaboration, congrats to both of you!

Misha.

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#593467 - 04/21/20 06:54 PM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 6311
Loc: Originally Missouri ... Now Al...
Al-David Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 6311
Loc: Originally Missouri ... Now Al...
DeeJ & Carroll ...

A really cool tune and so well put together! Love the diversion to the minor chord in the bridge ...that's a very nice touch! Super lyric by Carroll and arrangement by you. And, DeeJ, i think you've found the perfect landing spot for your vocal EQ ... this really hits the mark for my ears. Kudos to both of you! Wishing you both the best and be safe ...

Alan
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#593523 - 04/22/20 05:27 AM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 10523
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 10523
Loc: Florida
Deej,

Your use of BIAB and your production skills have shown growth with each new release. And you've really hit your stride here.

The opening is excellent. Nice Bass start (few folks ever think to do that), then adding the drums (they sound good) and then a single, snappy rhythm guitar... all leading to a rhythmic vocal - Pure Pop. I'm hooked. The addition of organ at just the right time. Shades of Joe Jackson - does not get better than that...

All of your vocal work (in previous releases) has been good, but this performance is, by far, your absolute best. Well recorded, processed and tucked-in-the-mix perfectly. Pro level stuff...

A terrific Pop melody throughout. As others have mentioned, the bridge works really well. The way you handled the opening line of the chorus coming out of that was extraordinary.

The lyrics works well. But the real star here is the overall sound - Production, Vocal, Mix. Excellent.

fj

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#593548 - 04/22/20 06:27 AM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 08/04/10
Posts: 2171
Loc: Midwest
HearToLearn Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/04/10
Posts: 2171
Loc: Midwest
Dang man! There are so many bands I could say this write "sort of reminds me" of; but it's all it's own. For some reason, at times, I get a very cheap trick vibe. If you knew how much I REALLY like Cheap Trick, you would understand the weight of that comment.

The MULTIPLE hook you have in this song are AWESOME! SOOOO catchy! The arrangement/feel changes fit so perfectly in supporting them as well.

Mark me impressed. I'm really diggin' this song! Great job!

(Sorry I didn't comment on production. I'm more of a writer producer than an engineer. I'm not sure I'm even qualified to stand in a room with engineers. Possibly not even in the parking lot outside of the studio. smile Anyway, I commented on what I know a bit more about.)
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I often get asked how to pronounce my name.
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#593648 - 04/22/20 01:30 PM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 12285
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 12285
Loc: GA USA
We immediately thought of Tom Petty or his involvement with Mudcrutch.
Good things in our book smile

Gotta mention also that you make outstanding use of solo RT's as they
always seem to have been played just for your production.

Your lead vocal and harmony were as Gregg Allman says "hittin' the note" and
very much driving this excellent rocker.

You got handed a good lyric too!

Enjoyed it.

J&B
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#593674 - 04/22/20 03:22 PM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 3285
Robertkc Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 3285
Deej,
An excellent write with all the verses leading to that great chorus hook.
One of the catchiest power pop songs I`ve heard on this forum and your vocal rides the energy of the song so well.
Excellent choices on the RT`s ( love the punk lead guitar).
I do think there`s that bit of harshness on de-essing to tame, but this is a keeper... and that bridge progression is really cool!

Robert

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#593885 - 04/23/20 05:23 PM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6715
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6715
Loc: Davis, CA
Great retro feel!! Very catchy, exciting song! Very good vocal, as always! I didn't realize you're in Marin County.....we're practically neighbors! Really great job on this tune!! Take care. Greg

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#593977 - 04/24/20 07:41 AM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 6915
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Scott C Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 6915
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
This is an excellent tune. Very cool vocal, lyric and backtrack. Guitar was excellent. I really like the mix on this tune. Very well balanced..

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#593982 - 04/24/20 08:08 AM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 05/16/17
Posts: 1680
beatmaster Offline
Expert

Registered: 05/16/17
Posts: 1680
Great rockin feel to this, catchy chorus, vocals well suited and solid through out you do the track justice with them.

It was upbeat and lively , yea I liked this !.

Thanks
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#593992 - 04/24/20 09:35 AM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 2993
Loc: Finland
jannesan Offline
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Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 2993
Loc: Finland
Great way to start with only the bass, introduces nicely to the punk approach. Reminds me of The Ramones, especially the catchy chorus. The bridge is very intriguing, adds nice color to otherwise musically upbeat mood. Lyrics are bit dark like the sunglasses, but you have kept the message crystal clear and enough simple for a sing-a-long. Your voice suits punk very well also. Thumbs up from me for the melodic pop punk.

Janne
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#594106 - 04/24/20 06:11 PM [User Showcase] Re: Girl with Dark Sunglasses [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 4993
Loc: Sydney Australia
PeterF Offline
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Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 4993
Loc: Sydney Australia
Deej

Superb, a great production, write and performance.

Just a really great (catchy) listen all round.

Peter

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