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#609510 - 08/05/20 07:45 AM [User Showcase] Turn Turn the World
Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Derochette Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Hello the nice members of the biab club.
Here is a simple composition with a guitar solo taken from Biab's realtracks. The realtracks used are as follows.

String quarted 2335
RockNorthenBallad
Guitar electric 2650 Brent Ev 085
Bass Na701 PopHalfnote Ev 085
Baustin 6 Realtrack Guitar 1
Choir, Oboe, Bell Eastwest

The Daw is studio one 5 – tempo 4/4 90bpm
If you have the time or the inclination, thank you for your comments.
Kind regards

Dero alias JaniJackFlash

my soundtrack turn turn the world
https://soundcloud.com/user-318966631/turn-turn-the-world

If you are interested my other soundtracks
https://soundcloud.com/user-318966631/tracks


Edited by Dero13 (08/09/20 12:41 PM)

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#609770 - 08/07/20 12:16 PM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Derochette Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Hi biab members,

I wonder. Why do I have no comment on this composition? It would be interesting for me to evolve to know what is wrong with this one. Is it the melody, the mix or something else. It would be good to tell me frankly because if you usually give your opinion on what you feel good, you never or very little criticize poorly done compositions.

Best regard

Dero13 alis JaniJackFlash

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#609784 - 08/07/20 04:22 PM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 01/10/13
Posts: 919
Loc: The Heartland....Kansas
chulaivet1966 Offline
Expert

Registered: 01/10/13
Posts: 919
Loc: The Heartland....Kansas
Originally Posted By: Dero13
Hi biab members,

I wonder. Why do I have no comment on this composition? It would be interesting for me to evolve to know what is wrong with this one. Is it the melody, the mix or something else. It would be good to tell me frankly because if you usually give your opinion on what you feel good, you never or very little criticize poorly done compositions.

Best regard Dero13 alis JaniJackFlash


Howdy Derio13...

First....sensing your enthusiasm, you should not take the lack of comments personally.
People may be busy, not their genre to comment on or it's not grabbing current viewers.
No big deal.

OK....I gave it a listen....it's not a genre that grabs me and not my style of writing.

It's a fine mix of instruments....nothing jumps out at me as of this listen.
There a melancholy mood to it....easy listening.
If you're actually looking for honest criticism I think the drums are too busy for the piece/genre.
Also, I would not call it a ballad...to me, a ballad infers it's a song with lyrics.
I would categorize it as ambient/instrumental.

Don't be discouraged....others will likely chime in. (And disagree with me :))
Just keep on doing what you do with BIAB.

("you never or very little criticize poorly done compositions"...that's correct, I do not)


Edited by chulaivet1966 (08/07/20 04:25 PM)

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#609786 - 08/07/20 04:44 PM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: chulaivet1966]
Registered: 12/10/03
Posts: 8822
Loc: Oklahoma, USA
Don Gaynor Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/10/03
Posts: 8822
Loc: Oklahoma, USA
Originally Posted By: chulaivet1966
Originally Posted By: Dero13
Hi biab members,

I wonder. Why do I have no comment on this composition? It would be interesting for me to evolve to know what is wrong with this one. Is it the melody, the mix or something else. It would be good to tell me frankly because if you usually give your opinion on what you feel good, you never or very little criticize poorly done compositions.

Best regard Dero13 alis JaniJackFlash


Howdy Derio13...

First....sensing your enthusiasm, you should not take the lack of comments personally.
People may be busy, not their genre to comment on or it's not grabbing current viewers.
No big deal.

OK....I gave it a listen....it's not a genre that grabs me and not my style of writing.

It's a fine mix of instruments....nothing jumps out at me as of this listen.
There a melancholy mood to it....easy listening.
If you're actually looking for honest criticism I think the drums are too busy for the piece/genre.
Also, I would not call it a ballad...to me, a ballad infers it's a song with lyrics.
I would categorize it as ambient/instrumental.

Don't be discouraged....others will likely chime in. (And disagree with me :))
Just keep on doing what you do with BIAB.

("you never or very little criticize poorly done compositions"...that's correct, I do not)


As stated above, I expected lyrics, a story. I also was looking for the bridge. It gets redundant very quickly. It needs something to break the monotony. I think, by definition, a ballad IS a story.


Google says:
noun
a poem or song narrating a story in short stanzas. Traditional ballads are typically of unknown authorship, having been passed on orally from one generation to the next as part of the folk culture.


Edited by Don Gaynor (08/07/20 05:27 PM)
_________________________
Donny

SoundClick: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1209254&content=music
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/donald-gaynor
BIAB 2020 w/current updates.

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#609795 - 08/07/20 05:48 PM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 2538
Rustyspoon# Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 2538
Dero13,

Choice of instruments are good and mix is ok too. But I think it is a bit meticulous. Hard to follow the line. Almost pieced together like a quilt. To your defense, I scorched through a few of your tracks in random order (5 to be exact). In my opinion this is the weakest one. So yes, you are able to do much better smile

This is no way to be frank, rather share what I do. Fresh example. I was working out an arrangement a several weeks ago. I invested roughly 10+ hours in it.... Then left it to sit for a few days. Came back to it...listened and put it to rest, because I felt it was fruitless. The next day, I sat down and under 2 hours worked out something completely different that talked to me and I was SOOO glad I abandoned previous attempt.

Thank you for sharing and keep digging!

Misha.

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#609804 - 08/07/20 06:54 PM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 662
jptjptjpt Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 662
It is a very pretty song. Nice arrangement. Good use of the band.
_________________________
My latest video upload is a song called "Melody":

https://youtu.be/VWTesk12JyU

My music can be heard at: http://thecracks.bandcamp.com/

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#609808 - 08/07/20 07:04 PM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Rustyspoon#]
Registered: 01/10/13
Posts: 919
Loc: The Heartland....Kansas
chulaivet1966 Offline
Expert

Registered: 01/10/13
Posts: 919
Loc: The Heartland....Kansas
Originally Posted By: Rustyspoon#
Dero13, Hard to follow the line. Almost pieced together like a quilt.


Dero13....I almost made the same comment but decided not to.

The above is correct....there's no real motif or musical reference for the listeners to associate with or relate to.
Maybe it would fit well in the soundtrack genre.

From my POV....instrumentals have to be well constructed to keep my interest.
They can easily get very dull and uninteresting.
So....it may be more challenging to compose a catchy composition to retain a listening audience than it is to write a song.

This music writing is not easy. smile

Carry on....

EDIT: I checked out several of your other compositions.
I would categorize them as soundtrack/soundscape/ambient/instrumental genres.
Not to be confused with songs....these are compositions..... and they sound fine.


Edited by chulaivet1966 (08/07/20 07:14 PM)

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#609823 - 08/08/20 02:02 AM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Derochette Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Thank you to

Chulaivet1966,
Don Gaynor,
Rustyspoon
And
Jptjptjpt

Your remarks are thoughtful, frank and well thought out. It will allow me to improve myself. It is true that the instrumental without words must be impeccable, original with many variations to hold the attention. Which is not the case with this soundtrack. But you answered my questions and it's really nice of you for taking your time to comment.

See you on your songs

Best regard

Dero13 aka JaniJackFlash

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#609836 - 08/08/20 05:33 AM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 9044
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 9044
Loc: Florida
A good clarity to the instruments. Having the strings all to the left felt a bit off-balance (typically expect strings to span the stereo field). Other then that, the mix is good. (I thought the drums were at a good level).

As others have said, this could make a nice "background" piece, but lacks an easily discernible melody to qualify as a strong instrumental. As a background piece is quite a pleasant listen.

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#609837 - 08/08/20 05:38 AM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 01/10/13
Posts: 919
Loc: The Heartland....Kansas
chulaivet1966 Offline
Expert

Registered: 01/10/13
Posts: 919
Loc: The Heartland....Kansas
Originally Posted By: Dero13
Thank you to Chulaivet1966,


You're welcome.
You'll find this is a very helpful forum.

NOTE: it's been said here that the "Showcase" is not necessarily a forum for song critiques but to show/emphasize the versatility of this fine BIAB progrem.

Depending on one's desired response sometimes the "Song Writing" forum may be a more appropriate forum to request specific critiques/feedback.

You asked for some feed back and I'm glad you received all the comments as intended.
Being....candid and respectfully submitted.

Carry on....


Edited by chulaivet1966 (08/08/20 05:53 AM)

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#609913 - 08/08/20 04:07 PM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6131
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6131
Loc: Davis, CA
Second instrumental of yours I've heard today.....much different than the first but equally good!! Very nicely composed and produced!! Great work!! Take care. Greg

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#609973 - 08/09/20 05:41 AM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Derochette Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Hi Greg Johnson,

I thank you for your encouraging comment.

Hi Chulaiveet1966
I thank again ch for his complementary analysis of my composition

Best regard

Dero13 alias JaniJackFlash

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#609988 - 08/09/20 07:25 AM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 01/10/13
Posts: 919
Loc: The Heartland....Kansas
chulaivet1966 Offline
Expert

Registered: 01/10/13
Posts: 919
Loc: The Heartland....Kansas
Originally Posted By: Dero13
Hi Chulaiveet1966 I thank again ch for his complementary analysis of my composition


Your welcome....

You obviously have a talent for the cinematic/ambient genre.
I think I would suck at it. smile

Thanks to BIAB I've finished up (8) songs in the last few years that would still be residing in my "Unfinished Songs" folder. smile

(EDIT: just saw you commented on my song "Adrenaline"...many thanks for taking the time to listen/comment favorably)

Keep up the good work Dero.

A good day to all....


Edited by chulaivet1966 (08/09/20 11:06 AM)

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#610004 - 08/09/20 10:26 AM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 9976
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 9976
Loc: GA USA
Originally Posted By: Dero13
Hi biab members,

I wonder. Why do I have no comment on this composition? It would be interesting for me to evolve to know what is wrong with this one. Is it the melody, the mix or something else. It would be good to tell me frankly because if you usually give your opinion on what you feel good, you never or very little criticize poorly done compositions.

Best regard

Dero13 alis JaniJackFlash


That is a very nice what we would call "mood" composition. Soothing but essentially background
music...as one would imagine in a film.

Our thoughts. There are so many new folks on the forum and many are posting multiple songs in short order. That means a song can get bumped off the front page very quickly. And often people who visited the forum do not look past the first page. Posting your song during a low traffic time can help it get responses before it's pushed to the second page.

Be safe.

J&B

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#610028 - 08/09/20 12:35 PM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Derochette Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Hi Janice and Bud,

I am new and still do not understand the rules of this forum very well. Thank you for your good advice and I wish you all the best for the excellent songs you post on this forum. Thanks again

Kindly regard

Dero13 alias JaniJackFlash

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#610032 - 08/09/20 12:56 PM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 9976
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 9976
Loc: GA USA
Originally Posted By: Dero13
Hi Janice and Bud,

I am new and still do not understand the rules of this forum very well. Thank you for your good advice and I wish you all the best for the excellent songs you post on this forum. Thanks again

Kindly regard

Dero13 alias JaniJackFlash


Hey, I wasn't referencing rules smile Just how things tend to work out when posting. The only forum rules are posted by PG Music at the top of the forum.

Bud

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#610035 - 08/09/20 01:05 PM [User Showcase] Re: Turn Turn the World [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Derochette Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 480
Hi Janice and Bud,

I understood correctly but thank you for your wise advice

Best regard

Dero13 alis JaniJackFlash

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