|
Log in to post
|
Print Thread |
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814
Expert
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814 |
Title: Don't raise me on a wall Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7tvbWoWOlgSoundCloud link: https://soundcloud.com/eleanorlennox/dont-raise-me-upSome background info: when someone falls in love with you (especially at a young age) he or she only wants to see you in a positive way, and raises you on a pedestal of which you're probably not worthy of. It's your responsibility to fix this. Now, the word "pedestal" has too much syllables and an unfortunate flow to properly fit into my song, so I changed it to "wall", which coincidentally rhymes perfectly to "fall"  Makes perfect sense in my mother language, but might be complete nonsense in English. If the latter I'm gonna kill me. Softly! With this song... Anyway, I'd appreciate your feedback on this because I'm not a native speaker, and I could not find any reference whether it's correct or not. And this song (like the last one) was unfortunately also already finished and uploaded before I found this forum to ask someone....
Last edited by Andrew - PG Music; 02/09/23 09:46 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814
Expert
|
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814 |
[ to make the first post easier to quote I've moved the lengthy lyrics and song information to a dedicated post, I hope that's not against any rules ]
Title: Eleanor Lennox: Don't raise me on a wall
Lyrics:
Intro:
If I could find the words
I would write a song for you
it would be the most beautiful song...
Pre-Chorus:
But I hate those silly love songs
they all suck and are just for the fools
I will never write a love song
I will never walk that road
it's so wrong
Verse 1:
I'm not that bad
but not a perfect person
I feel as much as you
but I fear I lose affection
That's why I have to tell you:
Chorus 1:
Don't raise me on a wall
cause I would have to fall
to get my feet back on the ground
I'm not the one you want
I'm just the way I am
The only person here to blame
Verse 2:
Now we're here
much love and some butterflies
it's not all fun and games
In the end I will be the one to blame
But I'm working on it...
Chorus 2:
Don't raise me on a wall
cause I would have to fall
to get my feet back on the ground
I'm not the one you want
I'm just the way I am
My life will never be the same...
Bridge:
the same...
the same...
I just wrote a f*cking love song
I don't wanna walk that road
it's too long
Did I tell you:
Chorus 3:
Don't raise me on a wall
cause I would have to fall
to get my feet back on the ground
I'm not the one you want
I'm just the way I am
The only person here to blame
Chorus 4:
Don't raise me on a wall
cause I would have to fall
to get my feet back on the ground
I'm not the one you want
I'm just the way I am
My life will never be the same
BIAB Instruments:
Bass 1009, Violin 2338, Viola 1009, Guitar 639, Guitar 642
Mixed in Cubase Pro 11
Last edited by B.D.Thomas; 07/29/22 05:30 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 4,048
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 4,048 |
I see what you mean. I'm not a native speaker either, but I don't think it is correct English.
But never mind too much. The song is great, and the video is super! Pretty fabulous the way you synced the lyrics with the mouth movements.
So I hardly think the native speakers will notice ;-)
Rob
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 5,318
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 5,318 |
Nice video and audio work! The synthesized vocal seems to work very good with the project. Mix sounds good too. Thanks. T
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 3,733
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 3,733 |
First of all, Brian, this song is really really good. The feel and melody are so strong that you could have written pretty much any words. Yet you wrote strong lyrics to match the music. I'm on my 3rd listen now. Yeah, I understand what you mean by using "wall." Many of us from the 60s would think of "Up against the wall, MF!" HAHA "Raise me up so tall" would work too, but I actually like yours better. It's also about time that us English-speaking snobs expand our way of thinking. hehe Good song.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 8,059
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 8,059 |
Nice sounds. I like it. It is pop.
What programs are you using to generate the video and the vocals, out of curiosity?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 1,406
Expert
|
|
Expert
Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 1,406 |
Hi B.D.
Song and video are really cool done
I really like the background track
Well done
Many greetings
Andi ;-)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814
Expert
|
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814 |
I see what you mean. I'm not a native speaker either, but I don't think it is correct English.
But never mind too much. The song is great, and the video is super! Pretty fabulous the way you synced the lyrics with the mouth movements.
So I hardly think the native speakers will notice ;-)
Rob Thanks a lot for your nice feedback, Rob. I think you're right, I shouldn't overthink the lyrics and should book 'unfortunate' lyrics under 'artistic freedom' 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814
Expert
|
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814 |
Nice video and audio work! The synthesized vocal seems to work very good with the project. Mix sounds good too. Thanks. T Thanks a lot for your nice feedback Torrey.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814
Expert
|
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814 |
First of all, Brian, this song is really really good. The feel and melody are so strong that you could have written pretty much any words. Yet you wrote strong lyrics to match the music. I'm on my 3rd listen now. Yeah, I understand what you mean by using "wall." Many of us from the 60s would think of "Up against the wall, MF!" HAHA "Raise me up so tall" would work too, but I actually like yours better. It's also about time that us English-speaking snobs expand our way of thinking. hehe Good song. Hey marty, thanks a lot for listening and your nice and encouraging words. "Raise me up so tall" is really a good idea, I didn't know this phrase before. You never stop learning...thanks again!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814
Expert
|
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814 |
Nice sounds. I like it. It is pop.
What programs are you using to generate the video and the vocals, out of curiosity?
Hi David, thank you for listening and your feedback. For the video I've used iClone8 (see https://www.reallusion.com/iclone/default.html). It's a bit pricey, but it's really good and saves me a LOT of time compared the software (DAZ Studio) which I used before. For the very short time I'm working with it the results look already quite good, and I've just scratched the surface of it. For the vocals I use Synthesizer V (see https://dreamtonics.com/synthesizerv/) and for some things Yamaha Vocaloid (see https://www.vocaloid.com/en/). But these days I use Vocaloid not much anymore because the workflow (and time to get reasonable results) of Synthesizer V is much better, at least for the way I work.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814
Expert
|
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814 |
Hi B.D.
Song and video are really cool done
I really like the background track
Well done
Many greetings
Andi ;-) Hi Andi, thanks a lot for the nice feedback and that you took the time to listen to my song. Greetings back from Germany 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 6,512
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 6,512 |
"Don't raise me on a wall
'cause I would have to fall"
Yes, it is clunky in English.
Pedestal wouldn't work as it's pronounced pede stl and to make it rhyme you'd have to torture the last syllable into stall.
"Don't hang me on a wall" would be closer to a fit but is still problematic unless your name is Arthur.
"Don't raise me up at all"
There're a few rhymes for all but not many come within the scope of your text.
"they all suck and are just for the fools" is also a bit clunky.
Nice lyric idea.
Last edited by rayc; 07/31/22 10:59 AM.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814
Expert
|
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814 |
"Don't hang me on a wall" would be closer to a fit but is still problematic unless your name is Arthur. Now there's coffee on my keyboard "Don't raise me up at all" Good proposal, now I have: - "Don't paint me on a wall": that was my very first idea for the chorus, similar to "Don't paint me in a corner". But I didn't find any reference for it, so I guess this phrase doesn't exist.
- "Don't raise me on a wall": sounds cool but is clunky
- "Don't raise me up at all": certainly a good option
- "Don't raise me up so tall" by marty: another good option
I think I'll try both yours and marty's and decide what sounds better. "they all suck and are just for the fools" is also a bit clunky. I was not 100% happy with this one as well. At least this would be an easy change because there's no context which would need changes. Thanks again for your suggestions, I highly appreciate this!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 11,991
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 11,991 |
B.D.
Cool Pop song. Cool Pop sound.
Impressive vocals (some of the best synth-voice vocals I've heard).
Production and mix work well.
Enjoyed that - a lot.
fj
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814
Expert
|
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814 |
Cool Pop song. Cool Pop sound.
Impressive vocals (some of the best synth-voice vocals I've heard).
Production and mix work well.
Enjoyed that - a lot.
fj Thanks a lot for your positive feedback, Floyd. Most non-musicians don't even notice that it's not a real singer. I even got dating-requests for Eleanor 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814
Expert
|
|
OP
Expert
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 1,814 |
So, I changed the lyrics, both proposals (from rayc and marty) found a new home in my song. I also changed the second line of the pre-chorus, sounds better to me. And for obvious reasons the song title was changed to "Don't raise me up". New version: https://soundcloud.com/eleanorlennox/dont-raise-me-up
Last edited by B.D.Thomas; 08/04/22 08:38 AM. Reason: New song title added
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 14,601
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 14,601 |
It’s a cool song and video and the meaning is clear regardless of whether the phrase is one commonly used or not. We enjoyed reading the suggested alternatives. Synthesizer V is awesome! The RT band and mix are good too. Well done! J&B
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,806
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,806 |
What a really nice listen! I loved it from first note to last. And that's the best vocaloid I've ever heard. The video is very well executed - very convincing.
I wouldn't worry too much about those two places in the lyric. The total soundscape makes it very enjoyable and we know what you mean.
That was a true pleasure for my ears!
Alan
BIAB 2024 Ultra Plus-all StylePaks*Win11*16GB DDR5*Rhyzen 9745x*AT 2035 Mic*Peavey Nashville 112 Amp*Ibanez ART120* Acoustic/Electric/Washburn D200S Acoustic*Stromberg Monterey Jazz Guitar Loops: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 21,644
Veteran
|
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 21,644 |
What a really nice listen! I loved it from first note to last. And that's the best vocaloid I've ever heard. The video is very well executed - very convincing.
I wouldn't worry too much about those two places in the lyric. The total soundscape makes it very enjoyable and we know what you mean.
That was a true pleasure for my ears!
Alan I agree with Alan and I couldn't have said it any better. You have mastered the art of synth vocals! Loved it PS - don't worry about the lyrics or your English. They both are just fine.
Yeah, I've got O.C.D, Old, Cranky, and Dangerous.
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
New! XPro Styles PAK 7 for Band-in-a-Box 2024 for Mac!
We've just released XPro Styles PAK 7 with 100 brand new RealStyles, plus 50 RealTracks and RealDrums that are sure to delight!
With XPro Styles PAK 7 you can expect 25 rock & pop, 25 jazz, and 25 country styles, as well as 25 of this year's wildcard genre: Celtic!
Here's a small sampling of what XPro Styles PAK 7 has to offer: energetic rock jigs, New Orleans funk, lilting jazz waltzes, fast Celtic punk, uptempo train beats, gritty grunge, intense jazz rock, groovy EDM, soulful R&B, soft singer-songwriter pop, country blues rock, and many more!
Special Pricing! Until September 30, 2024, all the XPro Styles PAKs 1 - 7 are on sale for only $29 ea (Reg. $49 ea)! Supercharge your Band-in-a-Box 2024® with XPro Styles PAK 7! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of XPro Styles PAKs.
Watch the XPro Styles PAK 7 Overview & Styles Demos video.
XPro Styles PAKs require Band-in-a-Box® 2024 or higher and are compatible with ANY package, including the Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, and Audiophile Edition.
New! Xtra Styles PAK 18 for Band-in-a-Box 2024 for Mac!
Xtra Styles PAK 18 for Band-in-a-Box version 2024 is here with 200 brand new styles to take for a spin!
Along with 50 new styles each for the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres, we’ve put together a collection of styles using sounds from the SynthMaster plugin!
In this PAK you'll find: dubby reggae grooves, rootsy Americana, LA jazz pop, driving pop rock, mellow electronica, modern jazz fusion, spacey country ballads, Motown shuffles, energetic EDM, and plenty of synth heavy grooves! Xtra Style PAK 18 features these styles and many, many more!
Special Pricing! Until September 30, 2024, all the Xtra Styles PAKs 1 - 18 are on sale for only $29 ea (Reg. $49 ea)! Expand your Band-in-a-Box 2024® library with Xtra Styles PAK 18! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of the Xtra Styles PAK 18 here.
Watch the Xtra Styles PAK 18 Overview & Styles Demos video.
Note: The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 18 requires the 2024 UltraPAK/UltraPAK+/Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
New! Xtra Styles PAK 18 for Band-in-a-Box 2024 for Windows!
Xtra Styles PAK 18 for Band-in-a-Box version 2024 is here with 200 brand new styles to take for a spin!
Along with 50 new styles each for the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres, we’ve put together a collection of styles using sounds from the SynthMaster plugin!
In this PAK you'll find: dubby reggae grooves, rootsy Americana, LA jazz pop, driving pop rock, mellow electronica, modern jazz fusion, spacey country ballads, Motown shuffles, energetic EDM, and plenty of synth heavy grooves! Xtra Style PAK 18 features these styles and many, many more!
Special Pricing! Until September 30, 2024, all the Xtra Styles PAKs 1 - 18 are on sale for only $29 ea (Reg. $49 ea)! Expand your Band-in-a-Box 2024® library with Xtra Styles PAK 18! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of the Xtra Styles PAK 18 here.
Watch the Xtra Styles PAK 18 Overview & Styles Demos video.
Note: The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 18 requires the 2024 UltraPAK/UltraPAK+/Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
New! XPro Styles PAK 7 for Band-in-a-Box 2024 for Windows!
We've just released XPro Styles PAK 7 with 100 brand new RealStyles, plus 50 RealTracks and RealDrums that are sure to delight!
With XPro Styles PAK 7 you can expect 25 rock & pop, 25 jazz, and 25 country styles, as well as 25 of this year's wildcard genre: Celtic!
Here's a small sampling of what XPro Styles PAK 7 has to offer: energetic rock jigs, New Orleans funk, lilting jazz waltzes, fast Celtic punk, uptempo train beats, gritty grunge, intense jazz rock, groovy EDM, soulful R&B, soft singer-songwriter pop, country blues rock, and many more!
Special Pricing! Until September 30, 2024, all the XPro Styles PAKs 1 - 7 are on sale for only $29 ea (Reg. $49 ea)! Supercharge your Band-in-a-Box 2024® with XPro Styles PAK 7! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of XPro Styles PAKs.
Watch the XPro Styles PAK 7 Overview & Styles Demos video.
XPro Styles PAKs require Band-in-a-Box® 2024 or higher and are compatible with ANY package, including the Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, and Audiophile Edition.
Video - Band-in-a-Box® DAW Plugin Version 6 for Mac®: New Features for Reaper
Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Mac® - Update Today!
Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Mac® Video - Over 50 New Features and Enhancements!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forums65
Topics82,937
Posts751,224
Members38,948
| |
Most Online2,537
Jan 19th, 2020
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dansk
Deutsch - Windows
Español
Français - Windows
Italiano - Windows
Nederlands
Polski
Português
Svenskt
русский
Japanese
Simplified Chinese
Traditional Chinese
Korean