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Title: Don't raise me on a wall

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7tvbWoWOlg

SoundCloud link:
https://soundcloud.com/eleanorlennox/dont-raise-me-up

Some background info:
when someone falls in love with you (especially at a young age) he or she only wants to see you in a positive way, and raises you on a pedestal of which you're probably not worthy of.
It's your responsibility to fix this.

Now, the word "pedestal" has too much syllables and an unfortunate flow to properly fit into my song, so I changed it to "wall", which coincidentally rhymes perfectly to "fall" wink

Makes perfect sense in my mother language, but might be complete nonsense in English.

If the latter I'm gonna kill me.
Softly!
With this song...

Anyway, I'd appreciate your feedback on this because I'm not a native speaker, and I could not find any reference whether it's correct or not.
And this song (like the last one) was unfortunately also already finished and uploaded before I found this forum to ask someone....

Last edited by Andrew - PG Music; 02/09/23 08:46 AM.

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[ to make the first post easier to quote I've moved the lengthy lyrics and song information to a dedicated post, I hope that's not against any rules ]

Title: Eleanor Lennox: Don't raise me on a wall

Lyrics:
Intro:
If I could find the words
I would write a song for you
it would be the most beautiful song...

Pre-Chorus:
But I hate those silly love songs
they all suck and are just for the fools
I will never write a love song
I will never walk that road
it's so wrong

Verse 1:
I'm not that bad
but not a perfect person
I feel as much as you
but I fear I lose affection
That's why I have to tell you:

Chorus 1:
Don't raise me on a wall
cause I would have to fall
to get my feet back on the ground
I'm not the one you want
I'm just the way I am
The only person here to blame

Verse 2:
Now we're here
much love and some butterflies
it's not all fun and games
In the end I will be the one to blame
But I'm working on it...

Chorus 2:
Don't raise me on a wall
cause I would have to fall
to get my feet back on the ground
I'm not the one you want
I'm just the way I am
My life will never be the same...

Bridge:
the same...
the same...
I just wrote a f*cking love song
I don't wanna walk that road
it's too long
Did I tell you:

Chorus 3:
Don't raise me on a wall
cause I would have to fall
to get my feet back on the ground
I'm not the one you want
I'm just the way I am
The only person here to blame

Chorus 4:
Don't raise me on a wall
cause I would have to fall
to get my feet back on the ground
I'm not the one you want
I'm just the way I am
My life will never be the same

BIAB Instruments:
Bass 1009, Violin 2338, Viola 1009, Guitar 639, Guitar 642

Mixed in Cubase Pro 11

Last edited by B.D.Thomas; 07/29/22 04:30 AM.

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I see what you mean. I'm not a native speaker either, but I don't think it is correct English.
But never mind too much. The song is great, and the video is super! Pretty fabulous the way you synced the lyrics with the mouth movements.

So I hardly think the native speakers will notice ;-)

Rob


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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1gsdNLE7_Gy8qavoOplQow/videos
http://rnam.net/


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Nice video and audio work! The synthesized vocal seems to work very good with the project. Mix sounds good too. Thanks. T




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First of all, Brian, this song is really really good. The feel and melody are so strong that you could have written pretty much any words. Yet you wrote strong lyrics to match the music. I'm on my 3rd listen now. Yeah, I understand what you mean by using "wall." Many of us from the 60s would think of "Up against the wall, MF!" HAHA "Raise me up so tall" would work too, but I actually like yours better. It's also about time that us English-speaking snobs expand our way of thinking. hehe Good song.


Enjoy whatever happens!
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Nice sounds. I like it. It is pop.

What programs are you using to generate the video and the vocals, out of curiosity?

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Hi B.D.
Song and video are really cool done
I really like the background track
Well done
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

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Originally Posted By: RnAM
I see what you mean. I'm not a native speaker either, but I don't think it is correct English.
But never mind too much. The song is great, and the video is super! Pretty fabulous the way you synced the lyrics with the mouth movements.

So I hardly think the native speakers will notice ;-)

Rob

Thanks a lot for your nice feedback, Rob.
I think you're right, I shouldn't overthink the lyrics and should book 'unfortunate' lyrics under 'artistic freedom' grin


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Originally Posted By: Torrey Bliss
Nice video and audio work! The synthesized vocal seems to work very good with the project. Mix sounds good too. Thanks. T

Thanks a lot for your nice feedback Torrey.


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Originally Posted By: BabuMusic
First of all, Brian, this song is really really good. The feel and melody are so strong that you could have written pretty much any words. Yet you wrote strong lyrics to match the music. I'm on my 3rd listen now. Yeah, I understand what you mean by using "wall." Many of us from the 60s would think of "Up against the wall, MF!" HAHA "Raise me up so tall" would work too, but I actually like yours better. It's also about time that us English-speaking snobs expand our way of thinking. hehe Good song.

Hey marty, thanks a lot for listening and your nice and encouraging words.
"Raise me up so tall" is really a good idea, I didn't know this phrase before. You never stop learning...thanks again!


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Originally Posted By: David Snyder
Nice sounds. I like it. It is pop.

What programs are you using to generate the video and the vocals, out of curiosity?

Hi David, thank you for listening and your feedback.

For the video I've used iClone8 (see https://www.reallusion.com/iclone/default.html). It's a bit pricey, but it's really good and saves me a LOT of time compared the software (DAZ Studio) which I used before.
For the very short time I'm working with it the results look already quite good, and I've just scratched the surface of it.

For the vocals I use Synthesizer V (see https://dreamtonics.com/synthesizerv/) and for some things Yamaha Vocaloid (see https://www.vocaloid.com/en/). But these days I use Vocaloid not much anymore because the workflow (and time to get reasonable results) of Synthesizer V is much better, at least for the way I work.


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Originally Posted By: PROJECT M
Hi B.D.
Song and video are really cool done
I really like the background track
Well done
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

Hi Andi, thanks a lot for the nice feedback and that you took the time to listen to my song.
Greetings back from Germany smile


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"Don't raise me on a wall
'cause I would have to fall"

Yes, it is clunky in English.
Pedestal wouldn't work as it's pronounced pede stl and to make it rhyme you'd have to torture the last syllable into stall.

"Don't hang me on a wall" would be closer to a fit but is still problematic unless your name is Arthur.
"Don't raise me up at all"
There're a few rhymes for all but not many come within the scope of your text.

"they all suck and are just for the fools" is also a bit clunky.

Nice lyric idea.


Last edited by rayc; 07/31/22 09:59 AM.

Cheers
rayc
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Originally Posted By: rayc
"Don't hang me on a wall" would be closer to a fit but is still problematic unless your name is Arthur.

Now there's coffee on my keyboard smile

Originally Posted By: rayc
"Don't raise me up at all"

Good proposal, now I have:

  • "Don't paint me on a wall": that was my very first idea for the chorus, similar to "Don't paint me in a corner". But I didn't find any reference for it, so I guess this phrase doesn't exist.
  • "Don't raise me on a wall": sounds cool but is clunky
  • "Don't raise me up at all": certainly a good option
  • "Don't raise me up so tall" by marty: another good option

I think I'll try both yours and marty's and decide what sounds better.

Originally Posted By: rayc
"they all suck and are just for the fools" is also a bit clunky.

I was not 100% happy with this one as well. At least this would be an easy change because there's no context which would need changes.

Thanks again for your suggestions, I highly appreciate this!


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B.D.

Cool Pop song. Cool Pop sound.
Impressive vocals (some of the best synth-voice vocals I've heard).
Production and mix work well.
Enjoyed that - a lot.

fj

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Originally Posted By: floyd jane
Cool Pop song. Cool Pop sound.
Impressive vocals (some of the best synth-voice vocals I've heard).
Production and mix work well.
Enjoyed that - a lot.

fj


Thanks a lot for your positive feedback, Floyd.

Most non-musicians don't even notice that it's not a real singer.
I even got dating-requests for Eleanor crazy grin


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So, I changed the lyrics, both proposals (from rayc and marty) found a new home in my song. I also changed the second line of the pre-chorus, sounds better to me.

And for obvious reasons the song title was changed to "Don't raise me up".

New version: https://soundcloud.com/eleanorlennox/dont-raise-me-up

Last edited by B.D.Thomas; 08/04/22 07:38 AM. Reason: New song title added

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It’s a cool song and video and the meaning is clear regardless of whether the phrase is one commonly used or not.

We enjoyed reading the suggested alternatives. smile

Synthesizer V is awesome!

The RT band and mix are good too.

Well done!
J&B

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What a really nice listen! I loved it from first note to last. And that's the best vocaloid I've ever heard. The video is very well executed - very convincing.

I wouldn't worry too much about those two places in the lyric. The total soundscape makes it very enjoyable and we know what you mean.

That was a true pleasure for my ears!

Alan


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Originally Posted By: Al-David
What a really nice listen! I loved it from first note to last. And that's the best vocaloid I've ever heard. The video is very well executed - very convincing.

I wouldn't worry too much about those two places in the lyric. The total soundscape makes it very enjoyable and we know what you mean.

That was a true pleasure for my ears!

Alan


I agree with Alan and I couldn't have said it any better.

You have mastered the art of synth vocals!

Loved it

PS - don't worry about the lyrics or your English. They both are just fine.


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