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#733356 10/02/22 01:10 PM
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One Time

This song comes from the same two-year-old shelf as "Two Hearts." My wife euphemistically told me then that it was not one of my best. Anyway, I have completely revamped it, trying to put new life into it. I changed all the instrumentation and style, and rerecorded the vocal. There is no chorus, but I tried to make it work.

The Wrecking Crew:
RT372 Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Hank
RT2585 Guitar, Electric, Rhythm PunkHeldPlus
RT3269 Cello, Background CelticHornpipeFlowingNatalie
RT3141 Fiddle, 5-string, Background
RT2937 Bass, Fretless Electric Pop8thsRene
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One time
I chased the moon
Falling
From the sky too soon
You were waiting
When you caught me
That time

One time
We fought the rain
Falling
Through all the pain
Dark clouds surrounded
whispered to me
Not this time

One time
We shifted sand
Falling
Stars were out of hand
I am pretending
That you’re not gone
This time

One time
I chased the moon
Falling
From the sky too soon

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Ezekiel,

Well, I like it a lot, but the pressing question is “What does the wife think of the new version?” (LOL!). The write is solid, well-structured . . . compelling and emotional vocal, full of angst, longing and regret. Nice hold on some of those notes—not vocally easy . . . you do it well. Good stuff—enjoyed my listen!

Hope all is well in your world,

Deej

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Scott,

Great, great song. Love your vocal and the mix is outstanding.

Time for an album... smile

Bob

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Nice job. I like it.

The fact of writing is not every song will be your "best" song yet, but the point is, you have to write those anyway to get to the next "best ever" song.

I tend to write a lot of fillers and you never know.... One I recall writing was on the fence.... do I even post this one because I don't really like it...... but that one ended up getting a lot of good reviews from other folks.... so you never know.

Just write.


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Hi Ezekiel,

Well, missed your music last months an this one made me realise why.
As Deej wrote, I was wondering too what your wife thought of this remake?

The start of the song with the acoustic guitar is very nice. Sounded promising for...?
If I would stat a song like this, it woud be a mater of time and then there are strings in it.
I thought they would enter haf way in your song, but nope, more or less the guitar.

A very intriguing song, with the very good help of your lyrics and vocals.
I enjoyed it a lot, but that always seems the case with your songs, doesn't it?

Don't come to close to the moon...
Hans


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(Birchwood)
https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130
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The title lyric served as a very good, two-note hook. I think this models some of the best songs ever done, like Yesterday (a three note hook). And then that one long sustained note is very effective. I think what follows after that could use a little more work to make it catchier or memorable. Production seemed good to me, I found I didn't pay so much attention to it because the song itself kept my attention. Yeoman work and one to revisit yet again some day.


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Scott,

A solid write. Interesting throughout. A like it!

Good vocal!!!

Nice tracks. Good mix.

A very good listen.

fj

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Scott...great job on the vocals...especially in the lower register...I really like the band especially the cello line...I agree with Deej about the emotion in your vocal...has anyone ever told you you have a Neil Diamond texture in your voice? If not...I'm telling you now...I really enjoyed the song! Best regards...Dan


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Your vocals are simply great Scott and I loved that acoustic guitar strum pattern.
Loved the lyrics too. Great all around.


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Originally Posted By: Ezekiel's Storm
...My wife euphemistically told me then that it was not one of my best...

Don't worry, I haven't written a song yet that my wife calls "good" laugh

I think the song works as it is. You create a mood that fits your lyrics perfectly, and your vocals are very good.

As for the structure, the last 3 lines of each verse sound like a pre-chorus to me, so I was actually expecting a chorus, but like I said, it works as it is now.


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I did write a song my wife liked - once, then I added lyrics, melody & vocal after which she no longer liked it...after 37 years of marriage I'd have hoped for a better score.
Your voice makes this work...it resonates with the lyrics and swings the hook well.


Cheers
rayc
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Birchwood #733596 10/05/22 03:12 AM
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Originally Posted By: Deej56
Ezekiel,

Well, I like it a lot, but the pressing question is “What does the wife think of the new version?” (LOL!). The write is solid, well-structured . . . compelling and emotional vocal, full of angst, longing and regret. Nice hold on some of those notes—not vocally easy . . . you do it well. Good stuff—enjoyed my listen!

Hope all is well in your world,

Deej


Deej, I hadn't had time to show her the new version until yesterday. She likes it a lot now. As soon as she heard the opening guitar, she said, "It's better already."

Originally Posted By: rsdean
Scott,

Great, great song. Love your vocal and the mix is outstanding.

Time for an album... smile

Bob


Thanks, Bob. I put out what I call vanity albums that no one listens to.

Originally Posted By: Guitarhacker
Nice job. I like it.

The fact of writing is not every song will be your "best" song yet, but the point is, you have to write those anyway to get to the next "best ever" song.

I tend to write a lot of fillers and you never know.... One I recall writing was on the fence.... do I even post this one because I don't really like it...... but that one ended up getting a lot of good reviews from other folks.... so you never know.

Just write.


Herb, Thanks. I also find that my songs that I are my favorite aren't the most well liked by others.

Originally Posted By: Birchwood
Hi Ezekiel,

Well, missed your music last months an this one made me realise why.
As Deej wrote, I was wondering too what your wife thought of this remake?

The start of the song with the acoustic guitar is very nice. Sounded promising for...?
If I would stat a song like this, it woud be a mater of time and then there are strings in it.
I thought they would enter haf way in your song, but nope, more or less the guitar.

A very intriguing song, with the very good help of your lyrics and vocals.
I enjoyed it a lot, but that always seems the case with your songs, doesn't it?

Don't come to close to the moon...
Hans


Thanks, Hans. I do have some strings in it. The cello comes in at the start of the second verse and a fiddle comes in on the third.

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Scott,

I thought I could sing low, but you really can!
Sounds great!

The song is impressive, it lingers.
Very well done!

Anne-Marie


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Scott

Very impressive vocal, excellent work.

Good moody song and a strong production all round.

Peter

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Hi Scott ...

Well, my wife liked this one ... as did I! The backing tracks are clean easily distinguishable in their own respective spaces. Your vocal is stronmg! There's a lot to like here. Glad I had the chance to listen. Really nice.

Alan


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Very nicely done!!! I like the way you made the "one time" and "Falling" lines repeat each verse to tie it together!! Vocal and mix are just what the song needs!! Everything works! Take care. Greg

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Great sound! Wonderful production. Man do I like how you got those guitars working together so well. This song just seems to catch you from the very first note. The bass guitar and the strumming acoustic with the finger picking is excellent, and then as you add the other instruments it just really builds well. I always like your vocals, and you did a great job with them here. Keep cleaning off that shelf man, I like 'em!

Brad

B.D.Thomas #733848 10/06/22 01:40 PM
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Originally Posted By: TuneMonger
The title lyric served as a very good, two-note hook. I think this models some of the best songs ever done, like Yesterday (a three note hook). And then that one long sustained note is very effective. I think what follows after that could use a little more work to make it catchier or memorable. Production seemed good to me, I found I didn't pay so much attention to it because the song itself kept my attention. Yeoman work and one to revisit yet again some day.


Thanks, Tunemonger. I though about putting in a bridge, but I couldn't think of anything to fit in with the flow of the lyric.

Originally Posted By: floyd jane
Scott,

A solid write. Interesting throughout. A like it!

Good vocal!!!

Nice tracks. Good mix.

A very good listen.

fj


Thanks, Floyd. I'm glad you had a favorable response the song.

Originally Posted By: firesong
Scott...great job on the vocals...especially in the lower register...I really like the band especially the cello line...I agree with Deej about the emotion in your vocal...has anyone ever told you you have a Neil Diamond texture in your voice? If not...I'm telling you now...I really enjoyed the song! Best regards...Dan


Thanks, Dan. One of my coworkers mention the Neil Diamond thing last year.

Originally Posted By: B.D.Thomas
Originally Posted By: Ezekiel's Storm
...My wife euphemistically told me then that it was not one of my best...

Don't worry, I haven't written a song yet that my wife calls "good" laugh

I think the song works as it is. You create a mood that fits your lyrics perfectly, and your vocals are very good.

As for the structure, the last 3 lines of each verse sound like a pre-chorus to me, so I was actually expecting a chorus, but like I said, it works as it is now.


Thanks BD for the listen and the positive comments.

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I liked this song from the first beat, so the instrumentation and the intro really show strong life. Your vocal is very strong keeping the song high on the sky near the moon and never falling. Kind of Johnny Cash meets U2 mood. The chord progression is very nice and keeps the interest without a chorus. The fretless bass works very well and so does the held guitar, I don't like some notes the cello is playing, but otherwise it works as well highlighting the sadness and the rain in the lyrics.

Janne


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Great job building the instrumentation and tension in the song!

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