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#769844 06/29/23 05:51 PM
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https://soundcloud.com/user-618393096/homeless

V1

He was standing on the corner
With a worn out cardboard sign
That said, "I am a veteran, can you spare a dime?"
Hollow cheeks and bloodshot eyes
A mangy dog sittin' by his side
Any other day I would have walked right by
But there was something that caught my eye

V2

All that he owned in a plastic sack
Propped against the wall behind his back
Laying on top was a faded photograph
Black and white with edges curled
It was a picture of a pretty girl
In a field of flowers with a newborn child
Well I asked him 'bout it and he spoke awhile.

Bridge

She's the one that rescued me from Viet Nam
Her gentle spirit healed this broken empty man
We made a home, raised a family
Celebrated every anniversary
On our thirtieth while driving home I wrecked

The judge told me that he fully understood
That I'd lost everything in my life that was any good
But the law was clear, he sentenced me
Seven years in the penitentiary
When I got out that picture's all was left

V3

When he finished with his story
There was a tear drop in his eye
And I thought, "But for the grace of god, there go I"
Will you judge a man by who he knows
By what he spends and where he goes
Or by how he's lived, and what he's learned
By what's been given, what's been taken, what's been earned...


-------

File:homeless.SGU
Key=C , Tempo 130, Length (m:s)=3:08
No intro. 99 bar chorus, from bar 1 to bar 99. Repeat x1 chorus
Melody has 180 notes, Melody harmony is < no harmony >(0)
Soloist track has 181 notes, Soloist harmony is < no harmony >(0)
Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0,
Song is saved with bar changes for Volume Changes,
Style is _HANKPS.STY (Med Country Swing 1 w/ Pedal Ste)

RealTracks in style: ~539:Bass, Electric, Pop Sw 120
RealTracks in style: ~528:Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking Hank Sw 120
RealTracks in style: ~372:Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Hank Sw 120
RealTracks in song: ~1139:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm CountrySwingCleanA-B Sw 110
RealTracks in song: 3069:Multi[Simultaneous=2] VocalOohs, VocalOohs,
RealTracks in song: 3069:Multi[Simultaneous=2] VocalOohs, VocalOohs,
RealDrums in style:NashvilleSwing8^5-a:Sidestick, HiHat , b:Snare, HiHat

Redeye #769845 06/29/23 06:19 PM
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Hello Redeye ...

Welcome to the PG Music forum.

This is a real nice introductory song. Some good traditional country. I grew up playing this kind of music - played in several country bands for nearly fifty years.

You have a super mix - the backing tracks are relatively sparse - but in a very good way. They fill out the entire soundstage. Everything sits exactly where it should. I listened a couple of times.

I like a good story song! If I may, one suggestion on the lyric:

This line - Seven years in the penitentiary - sounds just a wee bit forced. I would suggest simply: "Seven years, state penitentiary". The syllables flow more smoothly, in my opinion. Feel free to ignore if it doesn't work for you.

I can think of two singers from the 60s and 70s who would have done a nice job on this (just for reference): Merle Haggard or Tom T. Hall.

Nice song and presentation. Again, welcome. Looking forward to more.

Alan

Last edited by Al-David; 06/29/23 06:20 PM.

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Redeye #769858 06/29/23 11:30 PM
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Sad narrative and a classic country band backing.
A cool melody carried by a characterful voice that communicates well.
Well done.


Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
Redeye #769877 06/30/23 03:26 AM
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Howdy Redeye....

This is a good write because it has great imagery.
That's what I look for in a song.
Your vox delivery is personal and works well for your folk/country genre.

Well done.

Carry on....

Redeye #769930 06/30/23 02:12 PM
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Not my genre but I listened anyway and I'm glad I did. This is a well put together story song, excellent production values and great delivery. It paints a well recognized picture that everyone can relate to. Being a Vietnam Vet I have come upon and helped a lot of these souls, your song hit me in the feels. Thank you for posting.

Rick


It needs more cowbell!

https://therickhansenband.com
Redeye #769943 06/30/23 04:06 PM
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Great job man. A solid write and your vocals are authentic.
Keep up the work and welcome to our forum where we share all things music.


https://soundcloud.com/user-646279677
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Redeye #769959 07/01/23 12:48 AM
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Welcome Redeye
Good song
Sounds good and is also well sung
BiaB well used
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

Redeye #769973 07/01/23 02:59 AM
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Welcome to the forum, Redeye. Good first post. I pushed play then followed the lyrics without reading ahead. I sure was glad it wasn't about a Stolen Valor situation. Man, excellent lyrics, sir. This song is so relatable. There was a guy who owned The Calico Saloon in NY who comes to mind. So sad. So real. So good. So keep 'em coming.


Enjoy whatever happens!
marty

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and https://soundcloud.com/babumusic-5080285
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Redeye #770032 07/02/23 03:33 AM
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Redeye,

A nice write.
Good use of BIAB.
An "authentic" vocal...
Welcome to the Showcase.

fj

Redeye #770053 07/02/23 09:00 AM
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Welcome aboard and a great way to begin the forum.

Your heartfelt lyric and soulful vocal are wrapped in a nice BiaB track choice and mix.

Well done and we enjoyed it.

J&B

Redeye #770068 07/02/23 10:41 AM
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Redeye welcome,

This is an outstanding first post.
Great mix and outstanding vocal and lyrics.
I could hear either John Prine or Kris Kristofferson singing this one.

Loved it.


My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I'm dead or not.

64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
Redeye #771159 07/15/23 03:53 AM
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Originally Posted By: MarioD
Redeye welcome,

This is an outstanding first post.
Great mix and outstanding vocal and lyrics.
I could hear either John Prine or Kris Kristofferson singing this one.

Loved it.


My thoughts exactly... Great song Redeye.

Bob

Redeye #771160 07/15/23 04:37 AM
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Excellent thought provoking lyrics. Well produced, and your voice adds a real quality of pain and truth.
My only comment is about the tempo, I think it's a bit too fast for the mood of the lyrics. You may wish to slow it down a bit for emotional feeling and power.
Otherwise great song.


Elliott Kayne
elliottkayne@gmail.com
https://www.reverbnation.com/kaynemusic
https://www.facebook.com/ekayne

Health, Wealth, Family, Faith, Friends, and Fun







Redeye #771166 07/15/23 06:35 AM
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Hey Redeye...welcome to the forum...very well written and produced...you obviously are a storyteller...it's hard to tell a good story in song without forcing a lyric at some point but you did not do that at all...I thought the spoken lines added immensely to effect of the narrative...well said and well sung! Dan


www.soundclick.com/firesong
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Redeye #771168 07/15/23 09:01 AM
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Hi Redeye.
You have a good mix and story there but, as Elliott already said, the tempo is too fast and happy for the mood of the song.
Also you could think about changing the vocal phrasing as it's a little awkward in places.
If you can do that then you have a good song.

Vic

Redeye #771220 07/16/23 04:00 AM
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Nicely done. So often, this is a scene repeated time and again with out vets. It's sad that we're willing to take care of the rest of the world with our dollars but our own fall so easily through the cracks and are forgotten and cast aside.

I like this song. I've known a few folks like this. It hits home.


You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.
You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.

The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
Redeye #771351 07/18/23 10:13 AM
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Thanks for the positive feedback folks.

There are many paths to homelessness, aren't there?

Redeye #771400 07/19/23 05:09 AM
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Redeye,
Neat story telling tune. Solid arrangement and well performed. Easy listen. Thank you for sharing.

Misha.

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