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#774565 08/22/23 07:54 AM
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Title: At Home

Link: At Home

After some family issues, I'm finally in the mood (and have the time) to write songs again (before you ask, yes, all is good again).
I tried to comment on some of your songs for a while, but I probably missed a lot. I'm sorry about that...

This song began as a musical version of a poem I wrote, with only vocals and piano.
Beautiful in its simplicity. Pure!

Then I added a guitar, a second singer and some more guitars, and from there on everything got a little out of control.
The result is something that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Nu-Metal.

I have never written rap lyrics before, so I would be very grateful if some of you old rappers (Velociraptors smile )
could give feedback on this, because as always I have no idea what I'm doing.

While my last song was a bit over-specific and detailed ("burn your house and wreck you car"), this song is just the opposite:
I wanted to create a mood and/or a feeling and let the listener decide what I'm talking about.
I don't know if that works, but I hope you'll tell me if it's good or, as they say, "the world isn't ready for your music yet" :-)
I can live with either.

The lyrical idea is inspired by Phil Colins, melody and chords by Ludwig B.
You'll find out what that means...

Some background information that no one asked for:
  • it's not as easy as i thought to write rap lyrics ... at least if you are as crazy as me to write in a foreign language!
    Too many words per second.
  • I almost gave up on the song because it just wouldn't work.
    I found that Ludwig had written his Sonata No. 14 too slow, and after I added just 4 BPM, all my problems were solved. Blame him!
  • If you know of any good, simple powerchord RTs, I'd appreciate it if you could tell me which ones are usable.
    I didn't find what I needed, so I had to play them myself, something I usually try to avoid.

A BIG "thank you" (again) to Marty for linguistic advice and being just a great guy to talk to.

Some technical information:
Style: _TINES.STY

The band:
Drums: PraiseWorshipUptempo16 + SkaSlow70sWesPerc
Bass: 4363 (re-amped)
Guitars: (some re-amped)
4386
4387
4388
2x 3931
699
4176
Bosendorfer 290 Piano, synths and some guitar work (EBow and powerchords + lead in the chorus) by yours truly.

Vocals: Solaria ft. Ritchy, BG vocals from Eleanor and Cong.

You can find the lyrics in the next post.



Making bits and bytes sound good...

Goldmania Bella - A One-Man Girlband with no fans
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B.D.Thomas #774566 08/22/23 07:54 AM
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Title: At Home

(Intro)
In the embrace of twilight
The river weeps
Whispers softly to the night
Moonlit tears on the shore of life
Forever
Forever

(Verse 1)
Eternal pain
The trauma of my life
The loneliness
Is deep in my heart
Dark black rain
Is all I can see deep inside

(Verse 2)
Why are you drawn to the darkness?
I see you drowned in the void
Can't feel your dreams at night
Where do you go?
I can't follow you any more
I'm losing you

(Chorus 1)
I'm flying home where I belong
Where I feel at home
At peace with myself
Alone at home

(Bridge 1)
The echoes of my laughter
Fade like shadows in the night
Like footprints in the sand
They never last

(Bridge 2)
A shattered mirror, a fractured mind
Like puzzle pieces misaligned
Memories warped, deceptive truth
Chasing rainbows of my youth

(Chorus 2)
I'm flying home where I belong
Where I feel at home
At home with myself
Alone at home

(Verse 3)
Why are you drawn to the darkness?
What are the things you see?
You can't go on like this
Pitch black night
Is all around you and your mind
There's no coming back

(Chorus 3)
I'm flying home where I belong
Where I feel at home
At peace with myself
Alone

(Chorus 4)
Home where I belong
Where I feel at home
At home with myself
At home


Last edited by B.D.Thomas; 08/22/23 07:57 AM. Reason: Lyrics added

Making bits and bytes sound good...

Goldmania Bella - A One-Man Girlband with no fans
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B.D.Thomas #774578 08/22/23 09:15 AM
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Brian...

Heavy Theatrical Rock.

Not many can pull that off. You've "done it in spades".

A Good Rock write. Prosody is really important - the words have to sounds like "they've always been there" - as much a part of the music as any other instrument in the mix. That happens here.

The piano sounds Great!
The guitars have all the Power and Punch required.
The Vocals are astounding. The trade-offs are exceptionally well done.

Extremely Well Done.

Kudos.

fj

B.D.Thomas #774590 08/22/23 12:02 PM
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Yeah man, another good job. Rap isn't the easiest thing to write or perform. I learned quite a bit on the last song I worked on and it's a genre that I'm not that interested in at this point in time...... but yeah, it's not as easy as it sounds. It's that way with all good music actually.

I like what you did. Nicely done.


You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.
You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.

The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
B.D.Thomas #774591 08/22/23 12:17 PM
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Brian,

Great sound. Love the production. Excellent job on the rap write.

So well done.

Bob

B.D.Thomas #774616 08/22/23 03:50 PM
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Hi, Brian.

I heard this over on the SynthesizerV site. Great use of contrasting voices and styles.

My only complaint - and of course, it's nothing really - is the use of the word "home" to describe "home":

   I'm flying home where I belong
   Where I feel at home


Yeah, it's really nothing. And after all, a lot of time people might not feel at home... at home.

Oh, yeah - the "dark black rain". Because is there "light black rain"?

Actually, it's a perfectly fine poetic device, I'm just being silly. wink

Big and dramatic. Well done, both with the vocals and the arrangement.


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
B.D.Thomas #774631 08/22/23 08:36 PM
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You did well, the spoken word sections are very modern rock sounding and when it slips into rap it works pretty well.


Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
B.D.Thomas #774643 08/23/23 01:36 AM
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You know I love this, BD. I'm not all that experienced with the genre, but I know goodness when I hear it. This is so good. I already gushed to you about the lyrics. Such wonderful poetry. The music is perfectly mixed, and you did a great job with the voices. Also love the classical ending.


Enjoy whatever happens!
marty

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floyd jane #774737 08/24/23 12:08 AM
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Originally Posted By: floyd jane
Brian...

Heavy Theatrical Rock.

Not many can pull that off. You've "done it in spades".

A Good Rock write. Prosody is really important - the words have to sounds like "they've always been there" - as much a part of the music as any other instrument in the mix. That happens here.

The piano sounds Great!
The guitars have all the Power and Punch required.
The Vocals are astounding. The trade-offs are exceptionally well done.

Extremely Well Done.

Kudos.

fj


Thank you Floyd for your detailed feedback, which I appreciate.
As a fan of Jim Steinman's works, "Heavy Theatrical Rock" sounds good to me smile

And thanks for your feedback on prosody, that's something I (as a non-native speaker) struggle and try to improve with each song,
and where I steal take inspiration from your singing.


Making bits and bytes sound good...

Goldmania Bella - A One-Man Girlband with no fans
Listen on Spotify
Watch on YouTube
Guitarhacker #774739 08/24/23 12:15 AM
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Originally Posted By: Guitarhacker
Yeah man, another good job. Rap isn't the easiest thing to write or perform. I learned quite a bit on the last song I worked on and it's a genre that I'm not that interested in at this point in time...... but yeah, it's not as easy as it sounds. It's that way with all good music actually.

I like what you did. Nicely done.

Thanks for listening and your comment, Herb.
I think when you have a typical 2 chord loop to rap over, it's easier than rapping to a melody.
But it definitely needs a different mindset.


Making bits and bytes sound good...

Goldmania Bella - A One-Man Girlband with no fans
Listen on Spotify
Watch on YouTube
B.D.Thomas #774779 08/24/23 09:22 AM
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Well to start as a couple of folks on the forum do ... "it's not our genre" ... or "we usually don't like blah blah" smile

In actuality we think floyd parsed things out exceedingly well. It is stadium filling in sound and the mix is simply powerful (amazing on the monitors).

And it may well be the first time we've listened all the way through what was described as a rap song; however your use of the rap intertwined with the very melodic singer turns out to be an epic juxtaposition. Well done genre melds like this are fun.

It's hard to fathom the amount of work that went into this!

J&B

rsdean #774820 08/25/23 12:48 AM
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Originally Posted By: rsdean
Brian,

Great sound. Love the production. Excellent job on the rap write.

So well done.

Bob

Bob,
thank you for listening and for your feedback. Much appreciated smile


Making bits and bytes sound good...

Goldmania Bella - A One-Man Girlband with no fans
Listen on Spotify
Watch on YouTube
B.D.Thomas #774841 08/25/23 05:57 AM
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Well done Brian.
Lyrics and instrument tracks are great. Everything fits here.

Vic

B.D.Thomas #774963 08/27/23 06:11 AM
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Great dramatic intro (clever way to start with the breathe), nice contrast to the following rap part. Combining classical, heavy and rap music is quite an original idea and transitions between them are seamless. Also the lyrics have that contrast between three parties, the healing process from eternal pain to the edge of darkness and then to peace. Very good work with the singers, in some parts I can hear unnatural flow ("mirror"), but that's how I feel with some bit hits also, so the problem is in my head smile. I appreciate the hard work it must have required to put all this together, your guitar work sounded fine among the BIAB guitars.

Janne


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B.D.Thomas #774985 08/27/23 01:48 PM
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Brian, Floyd hit the genre right on the head for this one, "Heavy Theatrical Rock".

Man those synth vocals sound real! Excellent job on that.

Loved those tempo changes and dynamics - brilliant.

Loved it.


My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I'm dead or not.

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dcuny #775050 08/28/23 11:28 AM
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Originally Posted By: dcuny
[...]Oh, yeah - the "dark black rain". Because is there "light black rain"?

Sure there is ... there's dark black rain, and if the weather forecast does not predict much of it, it's a light black rain. With some sunshine in the afternoon.
grin

Thanks, David, for listening and your comment, which I appreciate as always


Making bits and bytes sound good...

Goldmania Bella - A One-Man Girlband with no fans
Listen on Spotify
Watch on YouTube
rayc #775051 08/28/23 11:34 AM
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Originally Posted By: rayc
You did well, the spoken word sections are very modern rock sounding and when it slips into rap it works pretty well.

Thanks Ray.
This genre is completely new to me, so I'm very glad it seems to work for you.


Making bits and bytes sound good...

Goldmania Bella - A One-Man Girlband with no fans
Listen on Spotify
Watch on YouTube
B.D.Thomas #775055 08/28/23 12:54 PM
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"Velociraptors" Hahahahhaaaa!

Astounding production. You obvious paid meticulous attention to detail.

The two vocals work seamlessly well together.

It seems to me you have the rap lyrics down well.

B.D.Thomas #775064 08/28/23 03:21 PM
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You've done a superb job on this.

Excellent work all round.

Great stuff.

Peter

B.D.Thomas #775127 08/30/23 01:11 AM
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"Velociraptors" LOL
Brian,
To me it sounds like modern pop rock versions of bands like 2Unlimited, Milli Vanilli, etc. Excellent showcase of composition skills and production. Very professionally done. Thank you for sharing,
Misha.

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