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Joined: Jun 2020
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Journeyman
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OP
Journeyman
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 479 |
My question for this one is, 'Does the storyline and twist make sense'? As is usual for me, the lyrics are in the description in the SoundCloud link. I appreciate any and all constructive feedback fellow songwriters. Dewey Warning Label (SoundCloud) _CHARMER.STY. Charmer Modern Pop Country All RealTracks. BPM = 120 Instruments: El.Bass, Guitar, El.Guitar, El.Guitar, El.Guitar, El.Guitar, Drums RD: NashvilleEven8^5-a:Snare, HiHat , b:Snare, Ride :Brian Fullen RT4028: Bass, Electric, ModernCountry8ths Ev 120 , Michael Rhodes RT4421: Guitar, Lap Steel, Background CountryPopGritty Ev 120 , Rob Ickes This was part of the style but I opted not to use it. RT4054: Guitar, Electric, Rhythm ModernCountryStraightPowerRiff Ev 120 , Brent Mason RT4052: Guitar, Electric, Rhythm ModernCountryStraightHighRiff Ev 120 , Brent Mason RT4055: Guitar, Electric, Rhythm ModernCountryStraightHighHeld Ev 120 , Brent Mason RT4053: Guitar, Electric, Rhythm ModernCountryStraightTremoloHeld Ev 120 , Brent Mason
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Hi, Dewey. Fun write, nice twist. As always, well sung and producted. So yes, and yes. 
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Dewey, good concept and the final twist adds to the fun. Very well sung and produced. I enjoyed it a lot, Tom
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Dewey, a perfect little song. Strong vocals, catchy, tightly wrapped, clever...
Really, nothing doesn't work here. GREAT job!
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
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Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Great band, great vocals, great production.
I love it!
She's a local attraction and a helluva mystery
Got a body built in Detroit; talks like small-town Mississippi
And that red broken heart tattoo on her neck
Ain't as harmless as a country boy might expect
I could never come up with lyrics like that. 110% rock poetry!
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Dewey,
Very well written.
Well sung, well produced. And a nice mix.
Nice use of BIAB.
A more modern sound to both the tracks and the cadence of the lyric
Very enjoyable.
fj
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Dewey, that was the perfect twist!
Great song
strong vocal
great mix
loved those lyrics
loved the entire song
I want my last spoken words to be "I hid a million dollars under the........................"
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Really clever song Dewey!
I like it a lot!
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Journeyman
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Excellent country rock song all around, lyrically, instrumentation and mix. Really well done.
Some favourite Waoist Adages:
#1: Play on the Way.
#17: Ask not for whom the flower blooms, it blooms for you.
#69: Bring consciousness to it.
#74: On the road to effortlessness, effort must be made.
#105: Be Love Now, the rest will come on its own.
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Dewy,
It's always a good thing to see a new one from you.
I see this as "modern" country done right. Good lyric, arrangement, and backing tracks. And yes, the vocal/lyrical twist at the end works just fine.
I like it a lot!
Alan
BIAB 2024 Ultra Plus-all StylePaks*Win11*16GB DDR5*Rhyzen 9745x*AT 2035 Mic*Peavey Nashville 112 Amp*Ibanez ART120* Acoustic/Electric/Washburn D200S Acoustic*Stromberg Monterey Jazz Guitar Loops: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops
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Dewey,
Makes sense to me. Always a clever write, good vocals and good production.
Enjoyed!
Bob
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
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Several comments: 1 - I really liked the whole song, the groove, the story in the lyrics, excellent use of Real Tracks, your vocals fit perfectly.
2 - great productions, and mix. 3 - I think you can use a vocal harmony in the chorus to really bring that out more, and maybe a bit less instruments in verses to give the chorus more power.
4 - The Twist - in the middle 8 - I really had to read your lyrics several times to find what you said was the twist ... I like the concept of her shilling shots for her Dad, but I dont think its obvious enough to get if I was not looking for it and reading. And I dont know if that hangs well with the rest of the song, her having a Warning Label. In songwriting it is best to focus on a single concept ... mostly because people dont listen that closely any more, they dont even listen to verses any more. NICE SONG!!
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"Does the storyline and twist make sense?"
Absolutely. The write is creative and engaging.
Your vocals nailed the vibe along with the sessions guys.
And it's all wrapped in an excellent mix.
Enjoyed it!
J&B
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Dewey,
Very clever little tune! This simple ole songwriter wouldn't have a clue how to give any advice on your storyline here. It sounds like you spent quite a bit of time constructing your line and word phrasing! It all seems to fit perfectly to me! The little falsetto bit in the chorus was a clever and wise choice...really adds to the song! Excellent work!
Thanks, TB
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You did it again Dewey! Really creative writing with some great lines in here. I thought the twist was clear and I got it easily. Elliott may still have a point, because I was listening closely, as I tend to do with your stuff. Though I thought by putting the twist in the bridge like you did kind of draws your ear into the song a little more and makes it easier to catch, so once again - great writing. The production was good too!
Brad
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VERY good, Dewey. In order to answer you question, I had to defer the play button until I read the lyrics. Yeah, I loe the twist. It's why I always liked the Hitchcocl TV shows. It works really well BECAUSE it's subtle. Now, on to the music... brb
Your vocals are always so good. Very creative song right from the germ of an idea to crafting the perfect band to present this well-written gem. Great bar song. Much enjoyed.
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Journeyman
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Thank you everyone for the feedback on 'Warning Label'. I especially appreciate the specific feedback about what works (an doesn't work) in this one for you. Elliott's comments about the bridge got me to thinking about making sure the hook of the song stays on point. This has been one area I've been working to get better at over the last few years. The reason I love writing bridges is because it is an opportunity to change up the melody and to surprise the listener with a twist to the story or taking them on a short but deeper-dive on some aspect of the hook. For 'Warning Label', I think I'm going to keep it as-is when I submit it to the NSAI evaluation service to see what they say. I'll keep you posted!
Dewey
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Very cool country tune. Loved the groove. Excellent vocal and lyric. Guitar was excellent as well.
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Journeyman
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Very cool country tune. Loved the groove. Excellent vocal and lyric. Guitar was excellent as well. Thank you Scott! This was a fun one to write. Can't take credit for the guitar work, though. Dewey
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