Hi Ian,

Song has a great feel, but it seems to get a little lost lyrically because of the Rhyming Scheme - or rather the lack of one.

The first verse seems to establish the Rhyming Scheme as an AABCCDD or thereabouts as you rhyme first and second lines - "Morning" and "Dawning" and fourth and fifth lines - "Enthusiasm" and "Spasm"

Unfortunately, you lose it completely in the second verse where you have "Windows" and "Perfume" and then "Flowers" and "Lovers" on those lines.

By the third verse you have a rhyme back on the first two lines with "Alabama" and "Susanna", and none at all with "Music" and "Sunday"

The DD Rhymes on the last two lines you've held throughout the song.

This, for me, causes the lyric to stagger rather than flow. Ideally,and usually, the first verse of a song should establish the Rhyming Scheme of a song which should then be followed throughout. There are exceptions to this obviously, but it is the norm.

I've taken the liberty of adding a couple of links below which address the subject of Rhyme Schemes for you're perusal should you be interested.

http://www.musiclyricsfyi.com/rhyme-in-lyrics.html

http://www.songwriting-guide.com/rhyme-scheme.html

I'm always loathe to critique a fellow songwriters work, but I just feel this could be really good with a little re write here and there. Only my opinion however so feel free to ignore me.

All the best

Martin

Music is what feelings sound like.