Hi Josie,

There's a lot to like about this song. The premise is a good one and would certainly have universal appeal. I like the waltz feel, it suits the song's mood. Lastly, I also really like the way you've arranged, performed and mixed the work. (That all deserves a round of applause in my book!)

Seeing that you asked for input about the chorus ...

... to an extent, I agree with what was mentioned. It doesn't standout as significantly different from the verse. Keep in mind, though, that there are a number of songs that this is also true of and it hasn't stopped them from being successful ("Where Do You Go To My Lovely" by Peter Sarstedt, for example).

One reason that the above similarity exists is because the melody is driven by the lyric movement and in both verse and chorus, the lyric movement is very similar. To change the chorus: (a) try starting it a third higher than you do now; (b) change the syllabic motion; (c) start the chorus on a different chord than what the verse starts on.

In relation to (b), if you're interested, try making a 4-line chorus instead of a 6 line one. Because the verse has 6 lines, a 4 line chorus sounds different. Also, holding the notes longer in the chorus than in the verse would also help.



In the above 16 bars ...
  • I've changed the motion of the lyrics by holding on to "too" and "scared".
  • The chorus is reduced to 4 lines
  • The rhyme scheme is XXAA instead of the XXAXXA scheme found in the verse

These changes should help it stand out a little more. You could also try starting the chorus a third higher as already mentioned (if you want to keep the same chord progression). It would also be an interesting exercise to try placing each "too" on beat 2 of the bar rather than beat 1. This could add a whole new feel that might work and it would help the chorus stand out a little more.

Please keep in mind that what I've presented are only suggestions to try and to assist with explaining my thinking. Please feel free to throw them all on the rubbish pile

I stand by what I said at the beginning of this post. There's a lot to like about this song and all that I've said should be balanced against that.

All the best,
Noel