As usual, your lyrics contain an uplifting message. This has become your trademark. At a time in music history when positive lyrics have all but been replaced by negative irony, you may be the only person on the planet writing uplifting songs. (keep it up!)

I identify with the lyrics of this song to some extent... my wife's death last year has knocked the blocks out from under me and I'm still waiting to "see tomorrow". It's good to be reminded that at some point I might, but for now it will have to remain a conceptual possibility, knowable only through 3rd person reports such as this song.

Your vocals were "beefier" in this song than in some others... your dynamics ranged from contemplative to full-blown "belting it out". I liked that ! What a professional sound! In my opinion, MOST of the songs presented on the forum lack vocals that come across as being "fully committed" to the song. (But this did have that quality IMO)

My only negative observations concern the strings, and I have several to make:

1) The strings started and ended too abruptly. A real string section would fade in and out across a fuller range.

2) Also I doubt that a real arranger of strings would ever limit the arrangement to chords. There would most likely be some melodic motif within the chords that repeats through all of the string parts. Ideally this motif would serve as a "signature riff" that makes your song instantly identifiable.

3) ending with sustained strings playing a chord is classic unedited BIAB. This is just my biased opinion, but I think that ending undermines the song by leaving the listener with the part of the song that is least impressive.


You have developed the quality of your songs greatly in terms of interesting chord structures, clever lyrics, well-considered rhyming schemes, and your voice has taken on a professional quality. I'm very impressed by your approach to song writing, and by the excellent results you get by the application of that approach.

Last edited by Pat Marr; 06/13/13 05:49 AM.
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ey71h8ep047758h/AAC12jNM0Hz9Q8zsh5iDeqNHa?dl=0