Originally Posted By: Janice & Bud

When I finished the lyrics I felt that six verses and a bridge with an ABAB rhyme structure all the way through (28 rhymes - way way more than I've ever done before) might be interesting to some folks.

The write actually took a lot of "contemplation, effort and work." Maybe it lacked "ingenuity" which is ultimately determined by the ears of the listener...but both the effort and contemplation were assuredly there. Admittedly a thrown together write and production can be pleasing and an agonizingly long production can sound awful. What really matters is the final product which will never be pleasing to everybody.

Cheers
Bud


The rhyme structure isn't consistent with how you start in the first verse. What you set in the first verse is "usually" the pattern for the balance of the song. The rhymes should fall in the same places in the following verses.

6 verses and a bridge. The pattern is AAAABAA

V1: Cheers and Years at the end of 2&4

V2: Guys & eyes again at the end of 2&4

V3: no rhyme at all ........ something should rhyme with quickly

V4: no rhyme at all...........rhyme should have been with pocket

Bridge: No rhymes here either

V5: Sound and town BUT at the end of 1&3

V6: wrong & Along..... like v5 at the end of 1&3... you might be able to say fun & woman also rhyme as imperfect rhymes at the end of 2&4

I counted a few rhymes. Not 28.... and I looked to see where the others might be hiding. Sorry, I couldn't find them.

Guys, don't take me wrong, I'm not putting you down for writing a song with this sort of "open" structure, and it's not something to die over..... My comments were meant to say that with a little bit of effort the rhymes can be placed in the same place and the words chosen can be made to rhyme. Plenty of times I have written something that didn't work or rhyme and while I liked a specific line I had written, I really had to dig in and go deep to either rewrite that line so that it did rhyme, hence keeping the rhymes consistent or.....I had to scrap it and have another go at it.

If you are happy with the lyrics, fine.... I have no problems with that. I do not recall in former things you wrote having this sort of disparity appear between the verses where the patterns are so different. Perhaps I missed those..... perhaps not. My purpose in mentioning this is to simply point out things I see...things that are not consistent with (dare I say it again?) the rules of writing songs. Of course, you're free to break the rules as you see fit and feel.

Peace

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