Richard,

I really enjoyed this one.

The rhyme-structure of the lyrics is incredibly creative. It seems to me that you've put a decent amount of thought into massaging these lyrics into shape.

I'll explain what I mean. Here are your lyrics. I've realigned them so show how I heard them...

Originally Posted By: RichMac

(A1)
Theres a ghost in my ma-chine
don't know who it might have been
Making things go wrong in every-way
It haunts me night and day
tells me what to say
Slinkin sly sad and mad and mean

(A2)
Theres a ghost in my ma-chine
dont know where it might have been
Wish bright flames would take it back to stay
Now theres hell to pay
as I crash on lifes high-way
Driven by a fiend i've never seen

(B)
From the dark it comes to stalk it's prey
A hungry thirsty gothic grey
Reeks of death and stark decay

(A3)
Theres a ghost in my ma-chine
dont know what evil sights its seen
Follows me down endless black dead days
Know it's here to stay
just can't re-sist the need to slay
A Homi-cidal crazy gruesome teen

(B)
From the dark it comes to stalk it's prey
A hungry thirsty gothic grey
Reeks of death and stark decay



These lyrics are a variation on the AABA format. The rhyme scheme immediately caught my ear and then my eye. With one exception (namely, "days"), these are all perfect rhymes. Moreover, you've chosen to use only two sounds to complete the rhymes; these are the '-ay' and the '-een' sounds. I find that very impressive.

In addition, the rhyme scheme of A A B B B A for each (A)-section and then A A A in each (B)-section works for me!

When I saw that this was AABA format, you got me wondering if you'd ever thought about repeating (A3) again after the second time through the (B)-section. Have you? There's no reason you have to. I mention it simply because a large number of AABA format songs travel along in a sequence as...

A1, A2, B, A3, Instrumental, Repeat_B, Repeat_A3

Kudos to you! I found this a very engaging composition. One of your best!

Regards,
Noel



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