Nice job.... well done.

I like the song, it's a good write. The mix is nice and clean, vox are easy to hear.

I only found one small nit in the phrasing .... a case of I'd have phrased (sung that one line) it a bit differently, but not a big deal.

The one thing that did stand out to me was the fact that the pre-chorus (PC) sounded good, but the chorus that followed it sounded nearly the same as the PC. That diminished the impact of the chorus considerably. The thing about a prechorus, as I understand and use them, is that it lifts you out of the verse and raises the energy level and builds tension and expectation for the chorus that follows. The chorus that follows a PC has to deliver the goods, and that means it needs to be bigger and have more energy.

One of my own songs I refer to in illustrating this is the song COME & GO on my music page.

Personally, I would take this song back to the woodshed, rework the PC/Chorus interaction and see what you can come up with that makes it better. A different PC melody or rewrite the chorus melody to give it more impact...either would work.

DO NOT misunderstand my comments.... I like this song and think it has a really good story and it has potential, but that if you take the time to work on it can move it up several steps towards a much better version/write of the song. I understand the aversion to changing a song that one thought was a finished project..... however, once I saw the value that came from a rewrite of what I thought was a finished song....I'm hooked on rewriting. Come & GO started out as a nearly 5 minute song with 4 verses, PC, chorus and a bridge. It was rewritten and rerecorded completely somewhere around 5 or 6 times.... I stopped counting and just focused on the job at hand. I never give advice that I would not take or do in the same situation.

Hope this helps you.

You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.
You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.

The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.