Originally Posted By: floyd jane
"with a bundle of straw
and a handful of earth
we`ll raise a roof over our dreams"


"we`ll make love `til the roosters start to fight
in a house that catches your light"


A few of the good lines - amongst many... this might be my favorite write of yours, Robert. It is "poetic", yet "accessible"...

Some of the lines seem to have a few more beats (syllables) than fit comfortably into the musical line - which in this case is, actually, very effective - sort of like "folk rap" - take that further and you might invent a new genre... (the instrumentation speaks to that, as well...)

I like this.

floyd


That`s very kind, Floyd... and acutely observed on those extra syllables as well. The verses with internal rhymes came last and when I tried singing them it was a bit of a mouthful & I almost decided to give the song a reggae style...maybe if there`s a 2nd version in future.

Robert


Last edited by Robertkc; 11/18/16 05:03 PM.