Hi Ian,

I really enjoyed listening to your song. It's extremely well put together in so many ways. Congratulations! The style, the arrangement, the harmony, and the range of notes in the melody ideally suit your voice. There's nothing I'd change about the arrangement, my comments are purely regarding lyrics.

When I listened, it occurred to me that I'd experiment with leaving the last phrase off each verse and fill it with a 2-bar instrumental hook. (I'm talking about the phrases, "my blood runs cold", "and I put love on hold", and " 'cause the story's so old".) This could potentially accomplish a few things...
  • It creates lines that "show" rather than "tell" quite so strongly. This will help involve the listener a little more because it makes them think.
  • It will artistically unbalance the lyric and, by doing so, add a little extra emotional content from a listener's perspective.
  • It will help further separate the verse and chorus lyrically.
  • It will leave the listener hanging at the end of the verse and make the arrival of the chorus noticeably stronger.
  • Using an instrumental hook will give the listener something to hum their way into the chorus with. This is a device that is often used and helps to involve the listener and get them caught up in the song.
One other lyric observation: the phrase "Should we run, you bet" would also work as "Should I run" since, in line 2 of that verse, you have stated that you are thinking about running away.

I really like how you have used so many back-heavy melodic phrases (phrases that start after beat 1) and then capped them off with the discreet use of a front heavy phrase.

Above are just suggestions, Ian. Take them for what they are worth as they may or may not work. Overall, though, I really liked this song; it's 10/10 from me. I'm on the fifth listen now and singing along with it

Regards,
Noel

Last edited by Noel96; 11/28/09 08:44 PM.
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