Congratulations Ian on writing a strong song, which you also sing very convincingly on this take.

It certainly sounds like you’ve worked really hard on this one.

Most of my suggestions relate to the lyric.

Some of the lines sound a little clunky to me, in terms either of meaning,
- “It flies where it feels”

rhyme (I have a thing against half rhymes)
- wheels / steel
- face / mistake
- back / attacks

or word stress
- prospect

In particular I think the verse beginning ‘I bite..’ needs something of a review.

If you’re going to answer your question “Was lovin' her worth that?” during the song, then I would do so once only and right at the end – the last time the question is asked. Fill in with “I really don't know” in each of the other lines. This maintains the suspense.

Turning to the musical content…

I concur with Sam in the need for a clearer bridge and with Noel in the need for a hook (although I would be looking for one before the start of each verse). I would want it played on a harder hitting instrument too – maybe an electric gtr.

I feel the ending should come in just 4 bars after lyric finishes. This would tie the song off more neatly, taking it back to its ‘key signature’ chord.
Not sure what those extra bars add.

I wouldn’t insert a key change and I wouldn’t worry about genre. It’s a song, right?
FWIW, I don't buy into Noel's idea of leaving out the "my blood runs cold" lines.

Quite a few points up there Ian, only offered as suggestions.
If I’ve listened hard and thought a bit about this one it’s because I think it’s a great song to begin with!
Well done,

Marc

Marc's SoundCloud
Marc's YouTube