David,
the lyrics sound fine. They sound right. Reading them in isolation may have been problematic for you but in-sit u they work - they tell a story well.
The song rolls along really nicely. Your vocal sounds a little nasal but I don't know your work so don't know if that's you, a cold or the plugs.
Your vocal doesn't sound auto-tuned so you've obviously needed very little or know how to wrangle it really well.
Computers are cruelly addictive devices and, like all people & things that seek to inveigle themselves into our lives, they like to let us know how much we need them by throwing a shoe every now & then. I'm hamstrung by a machine running XP that works beautifully with my VSTs, isn't keen on the latest Reaper and won't run anything after BIAB 2011 BUT I'm able to do what I need so far - so, so good.
I enjoyed your song & your story.


Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe