As others have said, you've done a truly excellent job here.

I especially liked how you added variety to the melody, adding syncopation in some spots, and speeding it up in others.

I can't help but mention this lyric:

You carried me inside you and you never once complained

How does the singer know the bit of information? After all, they're not likely to have complete recollection of the experience. wink

But seriously, well done. This sort of write isn't easy, and you've done a fantastic job of it.
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-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?