You know what, dont worry.

In the last year or so I have taken up classical piano. Im teaching myself. Im 64.
I believe the finished compositions are simply there as a reference.
The notes on the page, a guide to more or less where you should be at that moment in time. That moment is YOURs.

I just dont experience the same thing when I hear even the most renowned and accomplished players do their version.
I think for many of them its the end of a long run of practising, and they are pretty much on autopilot. Its a clinical technical exercise.

As I creep and struggle through some Bach or Handel, its an absolute joy. The moment is mine for all its faults, and I will not have it again to experience in that way.

The next stage is accomplishment and with that its quite a different undertaking. You begin to seek or get critical notice. Which is required to become skilled at being a performer.

Using: Dell 3268 i3, 8 GB ram, windows 10. Biab version 2017 standard package, no extras.