I like the reggae feel.... I think what you have here is a really solid start to a great song. Currently, a diamond in the rough. It needs some refining and polishing and it can really shine.


It really needs a singer vs a spoken lyric. The "bom bom bom" part could be a solo.... I'd personally recommend that you ask here in the songwriter forum to see if anyone is interested in singing this for you and maybe even helping to work on it a bit. This might be a cool tune to collaborate on with someone. Shorten it up a bit, get a really hooky melody, and this would be a really fun song.

Of course, this is only my 2 cents worth of opinion.

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www.herbhartley.com
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