Good work!

There are some nice lines in here, like:

      He envisioned
      all four million steps
      between here
      and Mississippi.


and

      What went wrong
      was everything


You didn't say if you wanted any feedback, so feel free to skip this next part! smile

The sequence felt a bit disjointed - in the second verse he's walking away, and the third he's getting married. I felt like I lost the narrative thread.

I would have liked more difference between the verse and chorus. IMNSHO they sounded too much alike, and it helps to break the song into sections.


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?