Originally Posted By: B.D.Thomas
If you're fine with it I'll try to change the first verse (I hope I can get all the syllables in), give you co-writing credits and you'll be rich and famous

If you're fine with it, that's all that matters. laugh

And no co-writing credit, please! I've left all the hard work for you.

For example, I've restructured the first verse to where I think the ideas flow better. But that destroys the rhyme scheme.

So - if you keep that order - you either need to figure out how to move the rhymes, or come up with a different idea that communicates the same sort of thought, and manages to rhyme!

Which is miserably hard for me, because it's hard enough for me to write a cliche in the first place, to say nothing of writing something that's better! (Not that you've written a cliche).

My main consolation is Jimmy Webb agrees that it's hard work, so at least I'm in good company.

Which reminds me - Jimmy Webb wrote "Tunesmith: Inside the Art of Songwriting", which is perhaps one of the best books on songwriting I've ever read, although YMMV. wink

-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?