I sold out. I had the dreams of being the big star and owning a tour bus and all of that but there came a time when I just had to admit that I wasn't good enough. That was so hard on me I considered myself to be such a failure that I considered suicide. I considered playing copy music as settling because I believed I was a good enough songwriter to sell many millions of albums. I really felt like never playing another note. I remember riding my motorcycle on the Ohio Turnpike and looking at those bridge abutments and really considered locking the throttle a full open and driving into one of them. I didn't play for a long time. And I was embarrassed to come back and play cover music with what I thought was a catalog of outstanding songs.

Well, the reality was that the catalog of outstanding songs, they weren't. That amazing level of talent and skill I thought I had, I didn't. And I had to learn the difference between chasing a fantasy and earning a living. I was never really okay with it, but I accepted the truth and played for about 8 more years before I just put it away and went back to college for my IT degree and got a big boy job. In addition, being in bars was really not a good place for me. Factor in my anxiety around large crowds of people and the exhausting amount of energy it takes to wear a happy mask for 5 hours and retiring was the right choice for me.

Everybody sells out in some way at some point in their life. How many guys go to the Home & Flower show just because it means they'll get laid later? Me playing those awful copy songs were my version of going to the Home & Flower show. And all in all, it was better than tattooing a bridge abutment with my body.

I now see music as one more thing I failed at. Like sports, marriage, fatherhood...

I am using the new 1040XTRAEZ form this year. It has just 2 lines.

1. How much did you make in 2023?
2. Send it to us.