PG Music Home Forums General Discussion User Showcase I Need Romance!

One of my first songwriting efforts, probably in 1982--just recently re-created with BIAB. If you are not collecting Social Security, you probably won't know what a lot this stuff is! I was so bowled-over by my songwriting mentor Dave Frishberg's songs (like "My Attorney Bernie", "I'm Hip!", and "Van Lingle Mungo"), that I wanted to see if I could write something clever, funny, and commenting on the times. Well, let me know if anyone remembers thesethose days..
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I NEED ROMANCE!

Intro:
Listen here, my pretty dear, I'll get right to the point;
You flash those eyes, and I'm mezmerized,
So I hate to disappoint.
But I'd better make it clear right from the start--
I've been there before and gambled with my heart;
Yes, I've lost, but now I'm wiser for the pain.
No, I'll never trust my heart to love again--no way.
--
I NEED ROMANCE like the dollar needs inflation,
Just like Eve needed temptation,
Like Detroit needed Japan;
I NEED ROMANCE like a Ronco In-Egg Scrambler,
Or a great deal on a Rambler,
Or some stretch-elastic pants;
I'm not takin' a chance on romance.

I NEED ROMANCE like the nation needed Nixon,
Like a statue needs a pigeon,
Like the wilderness needs Watt;
I NEED ROMANCE like a case of halitosis,
Or a terminal prognosis,
Or a chicken needs a pot;
I'm not takin' a chance on romance.

Well, I've been hurt by the flirt,
So excuse me if I'm curt;
I've been burned by the yearn;
Guess I can say that I've learned!

I NEED ROMANCE like a calcium deposit,
Like a skeleton in the closet,
Like a postman needs a dog;
I NEED ROMANCE like a turkey needs Thanksgiving,
Or a tooth that needs a drilling,
Just like LA needs the smog;
I'm not takin' a chance on romance.

Well, I've been squeezed by the tease,
So excuse my manner, please;
I've been dinked by the wink;
Don't mind at all if I shrink!

I NEED ROMANCE like Chicago needs the Cubbies,
Just like legs that need the stubbies,
Like the Russians need Gdansk;
I NEED ROMANCE like another Ayatollah,
Or a rookie air controllah,
Just like Carter needed Lance;
But all it took was a glance,
And an invitation to dance,
Now I feel like takin' a chance on romance!
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M_JAZSWN.STY. Jazz Swing Piano Trio
RT 441 Trumpet Solo
RT2193 Piano Rhythm Easy Listening
Also used Midi Piano SuperTrack

Tom,

I think this is my favorite song from you. The cheerful and fun attitude in your vocal delivery is so good. A nice Jazzy arrangement with a killer trumpet solo.

Love so many of those unexpected and atypical rhymes. I don't think I've.ever heard "Gdansk used in a song before. The most original rhyme I've ever come up with is Schenectady and hysterectomy.

This is some really terrific listening pleasure - loved it!

And yes, I've been collecting Social Security for over 15 years - officially old. I'll be 78 on the 22nd of this month. Back in the middle 50s, our neighbor had a Nash Rambler - pea green and yellow.

Again, nicely done!

Alan

Tom, clever and fun ditty! Cool Great American Songbook vibe and nicely constructed BiaB backing. Love your vocal delivery, and the vocal FX chain you use on the verses supports the song really well. For constructive feedback: There's a slight vocal doubling effect on some sections that's not as enjoyable to my ears, and I'd recommend gain staging or compressing the vocals a smidge to even out the levels. Your tunes are SO deliciously classic in construction that a simple vocal FX approach may serve them best, even if you don't like your voice (relatable). This is a killer tune!

It sounds like a great jazz classic. It's very cool.
Laurent

Alan, DCRon, Laurent..thanks for checking this out..the feedback on the production is most helpful..Alan: I’m coming up on 75 next week; we owned a pink Rambler SWagon with “push-button” gear-shifting!

Tom,

You have a real feel for these classic sounds. Great song - love the vocal. Always look forward to hearing what you come up with.

Bob

Hi Tom.
Love the lyric and the Danny Kay/Donald O'Connor treatment.
I can well imagine it in a movie. Clever stuff.
Excellent job.

Vic.

Bob, Vic.. thank you mucho for listening and commenting!

I'm only a minute in but I'm doing this: 🤣 🤣

That was very clever and right up there with This is a Fine Romance. It could be fun to split the vocals like Fitzgerald and Armstrong.

Tom, this is extremely clever.
That "Ronco In-Egg Scrambler" line made me LOL
Such outstanding rhymes, I am jealous. For me it is spoon, June, and I'm finished!
Super vocal and backing tracks.
IMHO this is your best to date.
Loved it.

Very cool vocal and lyric. Would fit right in on a classic showtune or broadway. Excellent song

Oh man, what a great set of lyrics. Kind of the way every big Broadway show has one novelty tune with uber clever lyrics, this is it. Love the walk up on the resolving lines. This needs some kind of award. Seriously. Now just write the rest of the musical and you'll be famous! ; )

Thanks to all who checked in on this…it’s a genre of songs that I think would not be very possible today!

Wow, there's so much to like about this 'creation'. You certainly nailed it. It is exactly what you set out to achieve.

I really liked the phrasing too.

Excellent!

Hi Tom,

Cool song and great lyrics - well done.

Best Regards
Nigel

Hi Tom,

Man, 1982?! Really well written song, love the lyrics!

Track sounds great too, especially like the trumpet.

Good one, enjoyed!

AudioTrack/Nigel/Dave...thanks for listening in and for your supportive comments!

Truly feel good song with funny and witty lyrics. Every line seems well considered and it makes me smile through the song waiting for the next exquisite thought. Nice musical tune where the band and your voice support perfectly the overall feel. Oddly reminds me of Jack Lemmon and the character he played in the movies.

Janne