Hi Scott,
Quote:

I also don't believe it's down to simply what 'person' the narrative comes from. His diagram addresses intimacy only.


You are absolutely correct.

A song's point of view is simply one aspect of the whole lyric. To my mind, the most important aspect of a lyric is to create something that a listener can resonate with.

Scott, I hope you don't mind, but your ideas inspired me and I thought I'd include a bit of my process for Mick in case it's useful for him.

Mick, the following is for you if you're interested ...

One way to accomplish involving the listener in a song is by using imagery based on the senses of seeing, hearing, listening, tasting, smelling, as well as images based on body movements and feelings (e.g. running, aching legs, beating heart, etc.). When a listener hears such imagery, it's easy for him or her to picture the images mentally and thus the listener becomes involved in the song. In other words, these images allow a listener to fill the lyrics with his or her own experiences. Images, by themselves, do not usually create meaning, though. To capitalize on such imagery, it's necessary to follow it with lines that add a sense of feelings, depth and meaning to the images. It's a sort of "show and then tell".

Here's an example to explain what I mean ...

Let's say I'm writing a lyric about a woman walking down the aisle to get married. In a mainly telling fashion, it could be something like ...

    She stood in the doorway
    Waiting for the music to start
    Everyone could see she was happy
    The organ played and, after a pause,
    She walked down the aisle
    Up ahead of her, stood the man that she fancied.

    Pretty lady in white
    Pretty lady in white
    Today is the day of your life
    Pretty lady in white


As a first draft for me, a lyric like the above is more about setting a road-map for what might become a song.

My next step is to play around with what I've got and see if I can add some sense-based imagery as well action words (body involvement/feelings). I found myself liking the XXAXXA rhyme scheme in the above and I also found myself liking the assonance rhyme of "happy / fancied". This got me wondering if the lyric's emotion could be enhanced by using an even less related rhyme in the A/A lines. I thought I'd try consonance rhyme and see what happens. This led to ...

    She was shrouded in sunshine
    A silhouette in the doorway
    It was like the church was filled with heaven
    Music danced all around her
    She floated down the aisle
    And on her cheeks, I could see happiness glisten

    Pretty lady in white
    Pretty lady in white
    Today is the day of your life
    Pretty lady in white


Try reading the above two versions aloud, complete with chorus, and see which words work best for imagery.

As part of my writing process, I also test run the lyrics with all points of view. I've written the second example above in "first person narrative" (I, she, he, etc., but no you). As an example, here's the second set of lyrics in "second person narrative" (you, he, she, etc., but no I). I also thought I'd try the present tense and make the tone more conversational by adding some contractions (e.g. "you're" instead of "you are", etc.)

    You're shrouded in sunshine
    A silhouette in the doorway
    It's like the church is filled with heaven
    Music dances around you
    You float down the aisle
    And on your cheeks, he sees happiness glisten

    Pretty lady in white
    Pretty lady in white
    Today is the day of your life
    Pretty lady in white


I hope that I'm not sounding preachy writing all this, as I said at the start, it's just that I thought it might be useful to see how I go about doing things. I'm not putting the above lyrics out there as a finished product, they're simply on the road to going somewhere. Learning to write lyrics has not been easy for me and I've still got a long climb ahead of me on that lyric mountain! That being said, though, my journey to date has been one of the most satisfying experiences I've known. Hang in there and practice!

All the best,
Noel