The 'thought' and 'forget' is what Pat Pattison refers to as a consonant rhyme, the least 'rhym-ey' of words that are considered rhymes. The ending consonants match, and that's about it.

How about this for the last line:

"The thing that we forgot"

Then you have what Pat calls a 'perfect rhyme', where both the vowel sound and the ending consonant sound are identical.

I see where it could jack up the whole storyline of your song making that change.

It doesn't have to rhyme perfectly. Pat talks about this in his class, that making perfect rhymes sometimes makes the song sections stagnant, without any tension to move the listener forward. His terminology as it pertains to this tension/relief is unstable/stable.

As for the first part of the verse, I read no issues there from a timing standpoint. You can easily line up syllables onto the 1 and 3 of a measure with words/syllables that should be stressed. Pat addresses this in that nouns and verbs are what typically line up on stressed beats, and other parts of speech normally shouldn't - for stable feeling.

he uses these symbols for unstressed '-' and stressed '/' syllables.

In your verse, the syllable pattern is as follows (you may need to cut/paste this to a word processor and set up a non-proportional spaced font to see it correctly):

- / - - - / -
I’m looking at the ticket

/ - - - /
taking me away

- / - / - /
But ev'ry time I look

- / - - - /
it says another day

You can put the stressed syllables on 1 and 3 easily, with the 2nd line having an extra stressed syllable in there.

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