Originally Posted By: Pat Marr
Hi Floyd,

I said I wasn't going to comment on your songs anymore because you don't need advice or encouragement. But it might still be useful to hear how your creations come across to a variety of people, so to that end, here goes:

Pat - I would miss reading your comments regarding the songs I post...this provides a perfect example why. You bring a unique perspective and an insight that takes a song discussion to places that others seldom go... that's a good thing...

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1) I really liked the snipped and reused acoustic guitar part that formed a signature motif to begin and end with. Touches like that really do a lot to hide the "automation effect" (for lack of a better term)

And I think pointing those things out are important. Some might not ever even think of doing that. But it is a fairly easy thing to do (in you DAW) and can give a song an identity without much effort. I play this song (on guitar) with a similar "lick" that repeats throughout the song as I play. My initial intent was to record that lick to add to the mix. But when I heard this figure played by the acoustic RT, I realized I could use it instead - and it saves me having to set up for the recording...

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2) I also like the way you play with rhyme, sometimes going loose with it, sometimes not, whatever it takes to get a conversational feel.

It always has to "fall on the ear" correctly. Without bumps. Sounding natural. Half the battle. If you aren't willing to do that from the start, all the fancy processing in the world won't cover it up...

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3) When the piano kicked in at the second verse, I smiled because it was perfect... just what was needed to add a little something new, but not so much as to overpower anything.

Chalk that up to the astounding capabilities of BIAB. There are so many choices that if you keep looking, you can almost always find what is required. As I've said before, I've used this same piano track in many songs - in many different ways....

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4) I agree somewhat with the comment about the lyrics being cryptic... but I don't think that's a bad thing. It makes a song more interesting if you have to think about the lyrics in order to understand the message. Ultimately, it wasn't a message that was too hard to figure out

It is very interesting for me to hear you (and Richard) say this. I'm sure you are aware that I'm not one to typically write "cryptic" lyrics. But I understand (usually) those who do. In this case, the song is based on actually events/people - and the lines all have specific meanings. I guess it harkens back more to listening to Joni Mitchell than Alan Jackson...

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5) I'm missing something in the part with the red haired boy. At first listen it seemed superfluous to the rest of the story. I'm missing its tie-in with the theme of Peggy's seductive style of success. The only tie-in I can derive is that true love typically begins with some kind of endearing exchange, such as the offering of gloves on a cold day... and in that sense, her lack of response would drive home the point that she wasn't looking for anything as small as gloves or love.

I'd say that you didn't "miss" anything at all. You defined it pretty well. It is intended to be somewhat "dream-like" - recalling the past - a time of innocence - when her path might have included that love that was being offered... the fact that she does not - or cannot - respond says that there may be a void of some kind that can't or won't be filled...

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6) You did a very nice job with the strings! Strings can go corny in a heartbeat. Also, RT strings have a way of pasting together in combinations that make good musical sense, but they fail to deliver an emotional appeal. These strings delivered the full emotive payload.. I don't know how much time you spent on them, but it was worth it!

Thanks for noticing! Using the individual String RTs made this fall into place fairly quickly. The cello is always good - and usually a good one to start with. By adding the viola next - a few beats later - and then the 2 violins - another few beats later, it provided the perfect build there (and that dream-like sense that was needed. I hope that PGMusic continues to add to this collection!!!


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7) it took several listens before I caught on to the point that the best friend in the last verse was same as the best friend in the first verse. I really like information that is implied in the lyrics.

I kind of like that it takes some thought to pick that up...

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All in all, I thought it was an extremely well crafted song, with all the right elements in all the right places. The time that you've dedicated to the craft of song-writing really shows! I'm glad you're here helping to show what PGMusic products are capable of! You really are a great endorsement for the products and a great contributor to the forum. A lot of what's good about this place is directly attributable to you, and the way you have drawn others out of their shells and created an environment of safety and acceptance where everybody can post their songs without fear of being brutalized.

Thanks for all the nice comments (and your insights). This is a terrific community - and it is the combination of the personalities making it up that make it what it is... you are a big part of that...

(PS - I liked the discussion that was here - that no longer is - it was a valid point and I would have gladly addressed it)

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