Quote:
I can’t call my wife I can’t go home
I’ve stayed in this bar way too long
There’s no lie that will get me through my front door
So I tell the bartender my sad story
She tells me boy don’t worry
I’ve something in mind to help you pass the time

There’s a motel 6 just down the road
I’ll check us in we’ll be out of the cold
My loving arms will make your dreams come true
There’s a time and a place for everything
Tonight I’m not looking for a wedding ring
It sounded like a plan and I did what I shouldn’t do.

Three days later I finally went home
I pulled in my drive, and everything was gone
Not even my dog was there to keep me company
She had called on her mama and moved out of town
Took the kids, burned the house to the ground
I’m living, dying buried by this, my sad story
Yes, living, dying buried by this, my sad story


Hi Charlie,

I initially listened to this shortly after you first posted it. Since then, I’ve listened numerous times both here and at work. Every time I give the song a run-through, the same thought, “This is a terrific song!”, always passes through my mind.

What appealed me to most was the way you used rhyme to drive your lyrics’ movement. You’ve done it with great skill.

  • Before I talk about that though, I want to say that I’m really impressed with how competently you wrote in AAA. It’s a perfect story telling form and it’s one that I have never used because I can never get it to work as effectively as I’d like. After listening to “My Sad Story”, though, I think that you have given me a ‘leg-up’ with how to make it work. The six-line verses, in 4-4-5-4-4-5 meter, are excellent… just right to accommodate the tale of unfortunate liaisons.

Now on to my thoughts about your use of rhyme…

This really impressed me a lot. Your approach is meticulous in its planning and execution. The way I see it, verse 2 is the one that properly highlights the intended rhyme scheme. This is…

  • perfect rhymes on lines 3 and 6 (true/do)
  • less formal rhymes on lines 1 and 2 (road/cold), and 4 and 5 (everything/wedding ring)

Rhyming line 6 with line 3 (verse 2) with perfect rhyme is ideal for bringing the lyric flow to a full close before the instrumental interlude. Nice!

With lines 1 and 2 in verse 2, the only really noticeable aural relationship is the ‘d’ sound at the end of each word (road, cold). To my ears, this consonance is very effective at creating the grammatical equivalent of a comma. From a rhyming perspective, even though consonance almost passes by without being heard, it creates a sonic relationship. Because this relationship is weak, though, it maintains lyric momentum and keeps the lyrics moving forward.

  • When I read lines 1 and 2 (verse 2) aloud, I could feel this sense of momentum. If I stopped reading at the end of line 2, I felt a slight sense of discomfort in the form of “this can’t be the end, there’s got to be more to come”. Because of this, when I got to the end of line 3, I could feel a sense of relief.

Because ending line 3 (verse 2) with “do” now drives lyric momentum and the listener won’t be aurally satiated until “do” finds a partner, the feminine perfect rhyme between “wedding ring” and “everything” takes a bit of a back seat. To my ears, this rhyme had a very similar feel to the consonance in lines 1 and 2.

When I look at verse 1 from the perspective of verse 2, I see how things were meant to be. I can see and hear the same consonance rhyme between lines 1 and 2 with “home” and “long”. Interestingly, even though the “m” and the “ng” are different sounds and, as such, not really consonance, they belong to the same family of sounds called ‘nasal consonants’ (i.e. n, m, ng). Prof. Pat Pattison calls this ‘home/long’ relationship “family consonance”.

Now line 3 comes along and does it’s job to set up line 6. And lines 4 and 5 follow a similar pattern to lines 1 and 2 by having a minor rhyme in the form of a weak syllable rhyme using the ‘-ry’ sound in “worry” and “story”.

Then comes line 6 and you’ve set it up perfectly for verse closure with the hanging sound of “door” in line 3. All line 6 needs to do is partner that with something like ‘more, galore, store, shore, etc.’. BUT YOU DON’T!!! I repeat, YOU DON’T!!! Instead, you give us a cleverly executed feeling of lyric surprise. This is extremely effective and it’s a genius way of subtly foreshadowing what’s coming in verse 2. By ending verse 1 with an internal assonance rhyme between “mind” and “time”, you leave the listener longing for the rest for the story! At the end of verse 1, there is only an uncomfortable sense of vague closure. Also, the surprise factor that you’ve introduced here is a perfect match for the twist that you bring with verse 2. Lastly, because the rhymes of “mind” and “time” are so close in proximity, you’ve added lyric acceleration to the lyrics' flow and, as a consequence, an increase in momentum and thus an increase in listeners’ expectations.

  • By reading verse 1 out loud, it was very easy for me to hear just how much skill was used in assembling these words. Verse 1 was a major highlight.

In verse 3, we have the same pattern of minor rhymes at the end of lines 1 and 2 and lines 4 and 5. Line 3 also sets up the song’s closure by creating the expectation of a perfect rhyme for “company” or at least the ‘-ny’ sound in “company”. But then you throw surprise back into the mix again by putting “story” in the rhyming position for “company”! This is a masterstroke because the lack of perfect rhyme creates a sense of disquiet and is a perfect prosodic choice for emphasising that this tale is indeed a “sad story”. Repeating the last line of the verse adds emphasis and highlights the hook excellently.

Quite honestly, I marvel at how much attention to detail is on display in these lyrics.

Do you have a fan club? I wouldn’t mind signing up!

All the best,
Noel

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