Back for another try. I figured that I'd include the failed ideas, because I figured I'd show exactly how hard six little lines could be! smirk

First, I tried to come up with ideas of what the chorus could be about. No point in rhyming it out if the idea was too weak.

1. Adding a bit of history - how his weekends used to be:

"I used to look forward to the weekend,
Spending time just her and me
Now I can't stand the thought of being alone without her"

This didn't seem at all different than what you already wrote, and really didn't move the story forward.

2. Contrast "sober" vs. "stone cold drunk":

"I've got to stay sober to keep my job
It kills me to remember what i've thrown away
Come the weekend, I'll wrap myself in a drunken haze"

Again, not really bringing anything new to the story.

3. Contrast how he's doing with how she's doing:

"She's got her friends with their glasses of wine
They've helped her to move on
I've got nothing but empty rooms
and my bottle of cheap booze"

The idea seems worth exploring: she's social, and has her safety net of friends to fall back on, while he's a loner with nothing but a bottle. The contrast of her sharing a drink with friends while he's drinking alone is appealing. But the chorus is about use drinking as a means of forgetting. So it's not that great a fit with this song.

4. The "time" element - short term vs. long term:

"Time might mend a broken heart
But I can't see that far ahead
I can barely make it to the weekend"

Well, at least it attempts to lead to the idea of the weekend. But it doesn't do anything to justify the song's chorus. And it's too cerebral, instead of emotional.

5. Drinking is a sin:

"Preacher came by to tell me the error of my ways
When I was with her I was in Heaven
Now I'm on the path to Hell'
But I don't care, I'm gonna..."

I sort of like this, but it's already been established in the prior line that Sunday wasn't spent in church. So unless the local preacher makes house calls, it's a bit jarring. Still, it's got some promise.

6. A bit a pathos:

"Too late to show her I love her
Now what'll I do with this diamond ring?"

I like the idea of of the engagement ring he never gave her, maybe because he waiting a bit too long. But does it support the chorus? Not really.

7. Ironic self awareness:

"Cut my face but I keep shaving
Watch the water spin down the drain
Seems some kind of metaphor
For a Country song's refrain
Slick my hair back and I'm ready
To wipe her from my brain"

I think this is a bit closer to what I'm aiming for. At least, it tries to add new detail and transition to the chorus at the end of the verse. On the downside, it is a completely different voice.

8. Stoic acceptance the relationship is over:

It's over, yeah I understand
Gotta cut my losses, and change the plan
Nothing I do, nothing I say
Will bring her back now that she's walked away
There's only one way that I can see
to stop the memory of her from killing me

I initially had the line "take it like a man", but I think "change of plan" supports the theme of the chorus better.

And yes, in your rhyme scheme, the inner rhyme falls on the second to last line, not the final line.

This is the best I could come up with. Not that it's better than your verse, just the best I could come up with. wink

-- David Cuny

My virtual singer development blog
Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

BiaB 2025 | Windows 11 | Reaper | Way too many VSTis.