Hi David.



I don't know where to start! There are so many great things to talk about.

With all sincerity, this is such an inspiring composition.

  • the groove is great
  • your chord progression is outstanding
  • I love the melody
  • the lyrics support the melody well
  • I love the arrangement
  • the mix is super
  • the vocaloid is excellent

It wasn't until near the end of the song that I even realised it was a vocaloid doing the singing. When the singing started, my first thought was "I don't recall David sounding like this." Then I just sat back and listened. Near the end, there was a Cher-like auto-tune effect on a couple of notes that caught my attention. Then I went back and looked at your list of instruments and discovered I'd been listening to a vocaloid!

I was very impressed that you'd managed to get it sounding so good!

Thank you so much for all your notes. Writing those up would have taken ages! There is a huge wealth of information in them, though, and I know they are going to be very beneficial to my own productions.

With your lyrics, you did a great job getting them written. There are a lot of words there and I would have really struggled to come up with anything. Seriously.



Quote:
In case it's useful as "food for thought" for you, below is a lyric-writing strategy of mine. Read at your risk smile (or ignore it even)

One of my strategies is to use dummy word phrases that sit comfortably on the notes of a music phrase. I don't worry if the words don't tell a story. In the early stages, I only look at matching: (a) syllable stresses with musical stresses; (b) musical phrases with word phrases.

Then, when I have my starting lyrics in place, I look through them to see if there is an inspiring phrase somewhere amongst the collection. If I find one, I set about creating lyrics that lead-to or lead-from that phrase. When doing this, I'm guided by Andrea Stolpe's concept of Internal(I) and External(E) phrases. This is a bit like "Show" (External) and "tell" (Internal).

Here's an example. I'm creating it as I type so I have no idea what it will be about yet.

Let's say, when fitting syllables to music, I wrote a phrase on line 10 of my dummy lyrics that said, "My mind spins around and around."

Firstly I'd think... OK... this is "Internal" (i.e. an audience cannot see it; it's inside me). So let's try using it as the last line in a 4-line verse. For 4-line verses EEEI (External, External, External, Internal) or EIEI are good lyric patterns for a first verse structure.

Next I'd think.... OK... now I need an "E" line 3 to get to line 4.

Hmmm.... what about... "Waves roll and lap at my feet". The audience can see this so it's definitely external.

That's the last two lines done. Since waves occur at the beach, let's create a beach setting and have two more E phrases for lines 1 and 2. I'll go with a tropical setting. If I use an XAXA rhyme scheme, then line 2 needs to rhyme with "around". (This means my lyric content will follow EEEI and my rhyme scheme will be XAXA)

Voila (as the French say)... I'll just pick anything tropical that I think of. Since I'm using two E phrases, they can be independent of one another. Like "Show and tell"... the "tell" depends on what is "shown". With "Show" and "Show", though, that's not a requirement.

With a few modifications to the above starting words as I massage my four lines into a structure, my verse could be something like this...

  • The music of steel drums dances on air
    A palm tree sways with a rustling sound
    Rippling ocean sloshes over my feet
    And my mind spins around and around

Since I seem to be holidaying in the Caribbean in the above lines, I'll create a chorus using that. The phrase "Caribbean Happiness" just came to mind, so I'll use these words for a chorus until something else comes along.

So far, after a little more on-the-run massaging, my verse and chorus look like this. I repeated a variation of the last line of the verse because I like the effect it created.

  • The ringing of steel drums dances on air
    A palm tree sways with a rustling sound
    Rippling ocean sloshes over my feet
    As my mind spins around and around
    My mind spins around

    Caribbean happiness
    This is Caribbean happiness
    Complete freedom from worry and care
    Caribbean happiness everywhere


Now it's on to verse 2. (Maybe the above turns out to be verse 2. If that's the case, I'll need then to consider how to get to it when writing verse 1.)

If you read through the above, I hope I didn't sound patronising. I just wanted to pass on an idea or two because you mentioned my name in the initial post smile

Thanks again all the inspiration that you sent my way with "End Of The Rainbow"!
Noel

MY SONGS...
Audiophile BIAB 2025