G'day Ray I was missing your Pygmy Beat creations and cool Videos too. I remember when you first posted this because I was impressed with the lyrics. This song has everything going for it ; lyrics,great chorus and attitude. I always seek your advice so take the following with a grain of salt. The guitar motiff at 2.33 is a very good . IMO it should be used as an intro and outro as well as after the first chorus at 1.24 . That will utilize this excellent hook four times instead of just once. Perhaps ditch the organ during the verses to create some space. The mix is a bit mono sounding and could do with a bit more instrument seperation. These guys will give you 2 free mixes per month. (i have no connection to them). This song is worth persuing. cheers Gary
I’m listening to Iteration Three—sounding really good to me. I might want the lead vocal to come up just a little bit, but it’s close to good as is. I’m not listening on headphones, so the laptop speakers may not be doing it justice. Like the tune—some really cool changeups on the melody throughout that really sparkle. Like that lead guitar a lot. Keep working it!
Hi Ray Interesting progression and Bob's short solo works well. For me, the vocals could still come up a touch; some of the lyrics are a little hard to make out (when listening without reading them). But that may just be my not so young ears. Incidentally, I checked out the band called 'Daniel' you referred to in your comment on our last song (hadn't previously heard of them). Those guys could play - probably deserved to be more successful. Regards, Leon
Hi Ray Interesting progression and Bob's short solo works well. For me, the vocals could still come up a touch; some of the lyrics are a little hard to make out (when listening without reading them). But that may just be my not so young ears. Incidentally, I checked out the band called 'Daniel' you referred to in your comment on our last song (hadn't previously heard of them). Those guys could play - probably deserved to be more successful. Regards, Leon
I'll bump the vox in the next mix Leon - thanks for the tip. Daniel were promoted by Yamaha with a flexi disc and interview B side in RAM. I loved the single but it wasn't widely available so only had the flexi. I didn't score a copy of the LP until 20 or so years later. it was produced by Mike Rudd of Spectrum/Ariel fame. Sadly the single was by far the stand out track.
Cheers rayc "What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
We're late to the party as usual so listening to version 3.0.
Good one Ray! I (Janice) hear the guitar riff and like it. We both think your lead vocal could come up a little and we like the BGV's. I (Janice) really love your phrasing on the chorus with the emphasis on "no" and "so" and just in general the dynamics are really good.
Bud here: What she said I'll add that Bob sounded excellent as do all your performances ... vocals and instruments.
"The man was in there somewhere Beneath his rhyme there was no reason His façade would someday crumble His humour his treason"
One can connect a lot of personal dots with your lyrics (a good thing) and those lines above really stuck with us. Lot of scenarios to apply that to.
Well done and enjoyable even with the disturbing lyric
J&B
Our albums and singles are on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, YouTube Music, Pandora and more. If interested search on Janice Merritt. Thanks! Our Videos are here on our website.
A really good song Ray. I like the unusual chord progression. I think the vocals could come forward more but I think from your previous songs that you like the voice back in the mix...
I just noticed in your identifier that you live just up the road... I'm in Ilkley, near Eudlo.... We used to do the odd gig in the Cooran hall... We used to hire several of the old country halls around here - tack up some posters - put on a door charge - get someone to run a bar...
A really good song Ray. I like the unusual chord progression. I think the vocals could come forward more but I think from your previous songs that you like the voice back in the mix...
I just noticed in your identifier that you live just up the road... I'm in Ilkley, near Eudlo.... We used to do the odd gig in the Cooran hall... We used to hire several of the old country halls around here - tack up some posters - put on a door charge - get someone to run a bar...
Just 60kms away. I've only been a Queenslander for three weeks though. If you're in the mood for a jam or recording session I'm here.
Cheers rayc "What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
Not my genre but I really liked the song so here goes:
Vocals - in tune, well sung and right level for this genre.
Instruments - all good - loved that organ in the intro - maybe could be featured more throughout the song. I did not hear any drum fills - is this on purpose?
Song - nice chord progressions. Could do with a little more light and shade. What about dropping out all instruments except say guitar, organ or just guitar, drums and vocals in the second half of the song for say 8 bars and bringing all instruments back for the chorus? Or What about a stop verse? This kind of light and shade doubles the value of any song. Plus no re-recording necessary - just do it all in the DAW in a few minutes. A good mastering engineer will also suggest this and the A&R folks will love it.
Good luck with your song.
Best Regards Nigel
Nigel Spiers Christchurch, New Zealand info@nzacoustics.com
I always take a song 'as is', no matter how it's composed or arranged, revised, or whatever. The music, is the music.
I think you captured the minor key feel you sought with a gripping intensity. Your vocal and the places in the song where you harmonized it were sharply-felt, which added some 'teeth' to the whirpool of your shaded lyrics.
Concentrated, yet crackling musical energy radiates from this one, for sure!
"Music is what feelings sound like."-- borrowed from a Cakewalk Music Creator forum member, "Mamabear".
Hi Ray, Not my genre but I really liked the song so here goes: Vocals - in tune, well sung and right level for this genre. Instruments - all good - loved that organ in the intro - maybe could be featured more throughout the song. I did not hear any drum fills - is this on purpose? Song - nice chord progressions. Could do with a little more light and shade. What about dropping out all instruments except say guitar, organ or just guitar, drums and vocals in the second half of the song for say 8 bars and bringing all instruments back for the chorus? Or What about a stop verse? This kind of light and shade doubles the value of any song. Plus no re-recording necessary - just do it all in the DAW in a few minutes. A good mastering engineer will also suggest this and the A&R folks will love it. Good luck with your song. Best Regards Nigel
Thanks for the detailed response Nigel, There're plenty of drum fills - at each change in the structure if nowhere else..they may feel subsumed by the tom action but they are there. Organ...it's there as accent mainly and pops out more at the end of phrases/sections. Light and shade dynamics are important but so, in this instance of a short song, is full tilt relentlessness which I opted for - it's what the tom patterns reinforce. A good producer would suggest changes and an ME that one has a good relationship may do. My ME & I have a good creative relationship and he's suggested many great ideas and offered to do interesting things for gratis such as the snare treatment on this old track Thanatoginous...
in which he offered to do a Bowie/Hansa Eventide thing on a sep. snare stem and then insert into the snareless render. I think he did a cool job of it. A&R? Well, perhaps if I were 30 years younger and less self aware that may influence me. The track was mastered a couple of days ago so, to avoid spending again, it'll have to stay as is. I'll keep your ideas in mind for the next project though, (it has several holes punched it it already for dynamics and emphasis). Cheers
Last edited by rayc; 06/17/2101:51 PM.
Cheers rayc "What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
None of your links in your introduction post worked. The song was removed or something. After reading all the posts about your song I saw your answer to Greg AND a new link. That worked! So I listened, but don't know if this is the newest version, or the oldest or one in between.
My foundings: Alhough it's not really my style, it is a good song. Very coherent and all the instruments can be heard in a clear way. I mean, not a messy bunch of noise. I have three things though: 1) The sudden start of the song with all instruments playing at once. Probably it's normal, but it would gain a little tension if you shad started with the drums and the bass (or a variation on that) and after some bars the other instruments come in. But that is a mather of taste. 2) Your vocals could use some more db. They have to compete with the other instruments and not always winning that 'battle'. 3) I miss a video on this song. You always have those special, but fascinating videos with your songs and now you don't. Why not???
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I'll add that Bob sounded excellent as do all your performances ... vocals and instruments. 
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